


Follow Your Heart Auto Memories Doll

by Scraxivele



Category: Violet Evergarden (Anime)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 75,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scraxivele/pseuds/Scraxivele
Summary: Violet finally turns her attention inward after mastering the interpretations of her Commission's feelings and instead, is forced, rather by accident, to start trying to interpret her own feelings instead. Most of the named characters from the Anime play major roles in this series, especially benedict and Iris. This is a slow-burning Violet x OC fanfic.
Relationships: Benedict Blue/Iris Cannary, Violet Evergarden/Original Character(s)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter One

Chapter One

'Violet you know you really should try to be more inviting,' Iris' words rang out in her head again. Violet had been reciting these words in her head for nearly her entire delivery route thus far and every time she did the words became more and more confusing. The streets were filled with people today and her bag was even more stuffed with letters to deliver. She'd volunteered herself to deliver some mail today just to have something to do. She hadn't been out of the city in weeks and even in town, there hadn't been many requests lately. Business was slow and she hated waiting around for someone to need her. 

"What does that mean," she mumbled to herself as she stared down at the cobblestones passing beneath her boots. "Inviting," she said the word slowly. She knew what it was to invite someone to an event, but how could a person be inviting? Did she need to ask if people wanted to accompany her everywhere she went? Even if she didn't want them there or even if she didn't need help with her work? Or did she mean it in another way? Violet had learned much over the past year working for the C and H post company. She had no problem interpreting other people's feelings, but when it came to interpreting her own she was near as lost as when she had begun her new job as an Auto Memories Doll. 

She'd cried many different kinds of tears in the past year but she wasn't really sure how to tell them apart. Sometimes things people told her were confusing as well. 'You should eat more,' or 'Take care of yourself,' perplexed her almost as much as her current dilemma did. Most people she had come to know invited people to things through letters. Parties or Banquets were the like but what did it mean to be a more inviting person. Was she supposed to begin throwing these events? Was she meant to carry a bag of invitations on her at all times Incase she bumped into someone she wanted to spend time with?

"Who do I even want to spend time with…" she thought aloud and her thoughts shifted, without warning, to the only person she'd ever wanted to spend time with. The only person she could no longer spend time with. Her arms folded across her abdomen and she couldn't help but let the edges of her mouth droop. She'd been told by Cattleya that being more physically expressive could help her understand her emotions more. Unfortunately, Violet had found that it did not have the desired effect. Rather, it seemed to have the opposite effect. Anytime she caught the muscles in her face moving, they almost exclusively formed her lips into a cold frown. She wasn't sure if that was because that was just where her lips liked to rest naturally or if that meant that deep down she was disappointed almost all of the time. 

There were times when she caught herself smiling, sure, but whenever she did they did not last very long. Ever since Lieutenant Hodgins had finally told her that Major Gilbert was dead, her smiles at her memories of him quickly morphed into frowns, gritted teeth and, quite often, tears. 

She shook her head softly and closed her eyes tightly as she walked. Now was not the time to let those thoughts drag her down. She was on the clock after all, and delivering letters was meant to bring smiles to people's faces. Before she could open her eyes however, she felt something heavy hit her shoulder and she began to topple over. It wasn't a painful collision but she lost her footing quickly and when the heel of her boots slipped over the edge of the sidewalk she began to fall backward into the street. As her eyes flashed to the thing she'd walked into she saw a man there turning around to face her. 

She found herself caught in the moment as she reached for him, her hand extended out for him to try and catch her from falling. His dark brown eyes seemed to light up with surprise and his short and greying black hair blew a little in the summer breeze. She watched as his hand flew out to catch hers and was relieved when it did, only inches before her other hand would have hit the cobble of the road. They stood there for a moment, staring at each other before they heard the horn of a motorbike, their eyes shifting over to see it before Violet felt the man pull her upward and to her feet, the bike passing by her moments later. 

The two of them watched as the bike passed by and after a moment they looked back to each other. Violet noticed the man was breathing hard as if he was exhausted and after a moment he seemed to realize that he was still holding her hand. He let it go and took a step back from her. "Sorry about that," was the first thing he said and Violet saw his cheeks flush red. 

"I wasn't looking where I was going," she admitted coldly and she saw him shrug with a smile. 

"Neither was I," he replied before she saw his vision drop to the street below her. "Oh hey," he said as she saw him bend down and her eyes followed him. "Dropped some of your letters," he smiled before he began to pick them up one by one until Violet leaned down to help him. 

"Thank you for catching me," she said as she tried to remember a conversation she'd had with the Lieutenant about being polite to people. She hadn't really been in danger of hurting herself after all. She'd have caught herself on the stone roadway with her other hand and flipped out of the way of the bike if she'd needed to. Still, if she'd done that she may have ruined Ms. Evergarden's gloves and she was very thankful that they had lasted her through so many adventures thus far. 

"Well you're welcome," she saw him smile widely at her as she took in his attire. He had a heavy brown leather coat tied around his waist, a beige t-shirt on that seemed stained with grease and oil in a few places, and a pair of brown work pants over what she distinctly recognized as military issue steel toe boots. She could see a pair of leather gloves dangling out from his pocket as well which had several clean cuts and holes in them here and there. 

As the pair stood he handed a stack of letters to her and she stuffed them back into her bag. "Aren't you a little overdressed for a post girl?" He smiled a crooked smile and she found herself speaking without pausing to interpret his words. 

"I am not a post girl," she echoed his words. "I am just helping out while work is slow, so I do not have a uniform."

"Oh," he nodded, "well that's nice of you," he smiled again and held out his hand to her. "My names Trevor, nice to bump into you," he laughed. 

She stared at his hand for a moment before looking away from him and down to her bag. "Yes well," she paused for a moment before looking back up to his face. "I should get back to my route," she said before bowing her head and turned away from him. 

Before he knew it she was on the move down the sidewalk like nothing had ever happened and he ran his hand through his hair. "Strange girl," he shrugged before turning back down the street. 

It was several blocks later, when Violet found herself dropping a letter through someone's mail slot, that Iris' words rang through her head again. 'Inviting,' the word crawled through her mind slowly before she stopped on the sidewalk and looked to her hand. The hand the man had grabbed to catch her and she frowned again. "That was...rude...wasn't it?" She asked herself. 

When she'd finally finished delivering the rest of her mail she returned to work and immediately headed upstairs to the Auto Memories Doll office. She found her co-workers there just as she had expected to and before they'd even had the chance to say hello she'd had the question out of her mouth. "What does it mean to be inviting," she asked flatly. 

Iris groaned and pressed her palms into her face before digging into them heavily. 

"I told you that you didn't explain it well enough," Erica said softly. 

"I think...I believe I did something rude today," the girls seemed surprised at Violet's words. They looked at her with what Violet thought might be shock and she silently noted how their lips parted but no words came out. "Did I...say something wrong?"

"N-no not at all," Iris stood from her seat and crossed the room to where Violet stood and she ushered her toward the bench where they both sat down. Erica soon joined them on the other side of the table. "Just surprising to hear you say that. What happened?"

"Well, I...I wasn't paying attention and I walked into a guy on the sidewalk. I began to fall and he caught me."

"Oh wow, he really caught you? How did this happen?" Iris asked as she clasped her hands together in excitement. 

Violet glanced over to her and couldn't help but wonder why Iris seemed so happy about her falling over. "He took my hand just before I hit the ground and he pulled me back to my feet. I believe he was in the army and that would explain his good reflexes."

"Oh? Did you see him when you served?" Erica asked. 

"No, but he was wearing standard issue combat boots."

"So wait," Iris paused to think. "You're wondering if bumping into somebody is rude?"

"No. He introduced himself and I believe he wanted to shake my hand but I turned away and went back to delivering my letters."

"Ah! Violet," Iris smacked her palm against her own face before she spoke again. "Yes that is very rude," she couldn't help but giggle. "You just left him hanging and walked away?"

"I thanked him for catching me. But yes. It wasn't until a few deliveries later that I started to think about it. I was too busy thinking about what your orders meant."

"My orders?" Iris asked. 

"To be more inviting," Violet answered and Erica kicked her toes into Iris' shin under the table. 

"Ow! Come on that's not fair!" Iris yelped across the table at Erica. "I didn't mean that as orders, I just thought you should give it a try!" She explained. 

"Give it a try? But I still do not understand what it even means to be inviting."

"It just means to be nicer Violet," Iris smiled softly. "Not that you aren't nice but...the way that you present yourself to be people can be very formal and cold. You may not think that it is but that is the way that people might perceive you to be. It's fine when you're working but if you say...bump into a cute guy on the street and he catches you, it would be better to smile and introduce yourself," she laughed a little. 

"I introduce myself to everyone I am requested by," Violet wondered aloud. 

"Yes, but when you meet someone other than that you should try to do it a little differently. Here I'll show you," Iris said before extending her hand across the table to Erica. Erica seemed a bit surprised at first but soon extended her hand out to meet Iris'. "Hi, my name is Iris, it's nice to meet you," she smiled out and Erica couldn't help but laugh. 

"And my name is Erica, nice to make your acquaintance."

"See that's all we mean," they turned back to face Violet. "Something informal but it's still a polite way to greet someone." Violet had to admit to herself that she had seen people greet others in this fashion many times. She had been greeted like this as well but she had never understood that it was what people would call normal until now. 

"So it was rude of me not to tell him my name as he did?" She asked and Iris nodded her head. 

"Yeah a little bit, sorry. It's okay though, now you know better," she shrugged. Before she could finish her sentence though Violet was out of her chair and headed for the door. 

"Thank you," she stopped and turned before bowing to Iris and Erica before she left without another word. 

"Gosh, where's she going now?" The pair blinked in confusion.

//

Violet fumbled with her gloves as she waited on the bench. The afternoon had come and gone and the sun was just dipping below the bay. Street lamps were coming on steadily all around her as dusk took over the sky. 

She’d found the street corner that she had bumped into...what had been his name? 'Trevor?' she thought that that was what he'd said but some part of her wasn't one hundred percent sure. She hadn't really been listening to him if she was being honest with herself. She'd been too caught up trying to decipher Iris'...advice? She guessed that that was what to call it if it hadn't been orders. 

She found a nearby bench and during her time alone she had looked around and spotted a machining company a few buildings down from the street corner. It was her hope that he worked there, he'd had the look of a working man after all. So she had waited and waited until they had been let out for the night and now, as the men filed out of the building, she spotted him in the crowd. While some of the other men joked and laughed together, she noted that he did not, and seemed to walk alone. However, when he looked up and spotted her he stopped and fell behind the crowd. 

As he walked toward her she stood from the bench and dusted down her dress. She had to stop herself from bowing as he approached and noticed him smirk a little. "Didn't expect to see you again," he said before he noticed her hand raise between them. 

"I am sorry that I was rude earlier. My name is...Violet Evergarden," she said softly and she felt her lips press into a thin line, rather than a frown, which she figured was at least an improvement. 

"Uh…" he let out as he looked down to her hand and she watched as his lips parted. "Ahah," he laughed before extending his hand to hers and she watched as he shook her hand gently before he let her go. "Well thank you for apologizing," he smirked. "It's nice to meet you, Violet."

"You...as well, Trevor," she forced out. She wasn't really sure if it was nice to meet him or not. Her stomach certainly didn't seem to think it was. Her intestines felt like they were tied up in knots and she wasn't sure if that meant she'd skipped lunch again or if it meant something else. He did smile at least and she figured that that meant she'd gotten his name correct. 

She felt her stomach growl and was surprised when she heard it too. 'You forgot to eat again,' she thought to herself as she looked down to the sidewalk. Again her stomach twirled and, again, she had no way to tell what her body was trying to say to her. Her cheeks felt a bit hot but she wasn't sure why that was either. She often forgot to eat lunch while out delivering the mail. This had happened many times and it had caused concern at the office, leading to the 'You should eat more,' ord-...ADVICE, from Cattleya and Benedict. 

"A-are you hungry?" Trevor stammered. Apparently, he had heard the growl from her stomach as well. This wouldn't be a problem if she was still in the army. She'd grown up eating almost nothing at all. Once in the army, the rations they provided her with seemed like banquets for kings. Half the time she skipped meals because she was so full from a previous one and gave her rations back to the Major. 

But since starting this new job and traveling all over the world to meet customers at their homes, she’d grown far too comfortable. Not to mention she had grown in general. She had been skin and bone and muscle in the army, nothing more. Now she had food all around and Iris and Erica had gotten her to try several different restaurants around the city. She hadn't grown much in the army at all but in the last year she'd had to have her dress adjusted several times and she'd had to buy new boots. She was taller too than she had been this time last year, not by a ton but still, it was there. It seemed to Violet that the only thing eating a full meal three times a day had gotten her was trouble. Now that she was used to it though she doubted she could ever go back. 

She was nearly seventeen now and her body had changed immensely from her days in the armed forces. She was still strong, no doubts there, but she had put on a few pounds and her features had rounded out just enough for people to be surprised when she told them she was in the army. 

"I am...I should return to the office," she said and began to turn when he spoke up. 

"Still working at this hour?" He asked and she stopped to look back at him.

"No. I rent a room above where I work."

"Oh, I see. Well if you're just heading home to eat then...well as thanks for your apology why don't I treat you to dinner?" He asked and she froze for a moment. 

'Treat me? To a meal?' she cocked her head to one side and turned back toward him. "Is that appropriate as a thank you?" She wondered aloud. 

He seemed a little confused for a moment before he seemed to shrug off her strange question. "I think so? If you don't want to then it's fine I just…" he began to ramble before he stopped and took a deep breath and she watched as he closed his eyes. 

'What was that?' she thought to herself as she studied his face. He wasn't hard to look at but Violet didn't really understand why that was. She'd met plenty of people that she had heard others call beautiful but she barely understood the word. The Major's eyes had been beautiful but other than that she hadn't taken the time to find out what else she thought was beautiful, other than her broach of course. Trevor's expression still perplexed her though and when he spoke he seemed much more collected. 

"It's okay if you'd rather not. The offer stands though." He said softly and waited for a reply. 

Violet's stomach grumbled again and she found the words on her lips before she had another chance to think about it. "Yes. That is...nice of you," she struggled to say the words. Was it nice? She didn't really have the answer. But if he wanted to treat her to a meal then surely that could mean that he had accepted her apology. "Where should we go?"

"Well, as much as I'd like to treat you to a fancy meal I can't very well go into a high-class place looking like this," he smirked and gestured to himself. 

She noted then that he was still in his work attire, save for having ditched the heavy coat he'd had on earlier. There were grease stains on his clothes still and even one on his cheek. "If it is your treat then you should pick," she said. 

"Haha alright then," he shrugged and turned to start walking, Violet following beside him. "I know this great place down the road, get my lunches for work there every day."

Violet followed him down the sidewalk and tried her best to keep her mind from wandering. That was going to be difficult though because she was in completely new territory. She'd never gone somewhere with a complete stranger before. She'd been out with her workmates and even a few friends from the Doll Academy but nothing like this. Especially not alone with a male. Was there a real difference? She didn't know. 

When they reached the small shop she followed Trevor inside and right up to the counter where they were greeted by a nearly elderly woman with a smile on her lips. Violet listened as Trevor ordered a sandwich and water for himself and then was a bit unprepared when he and the woman behind the counter looked to her for her order. Violet glanced up at the menu on the wall behind the counter and tried her best to skim it quickly. She had never been to this establishment after all so they could hardly expect her to choose quickly. "May I order Broccoli Cheddar soup, please? And some tea," She finally asked as her eyes returned to the woman at the register. 

"Sure," she smiled out before returning her attention to Trevor, who, Violet noted, had some money in his hand. He was treating her after all, and she had to resist the urge to pay for her own meal. She had had to do the same every time her co-workers took her out to lunch and insisted on paying. When she had asked Cattleya to explain why she wasn't allowed to pay for her own meal she had been shocked to find out that people who invite you out for a meal feel responsible for the bill. This was a foreign concept to Violet by itself, never mind that she had had to learn that food cost money outside of her life in the military with the Major. 

Violet had slowly begun to find out as well that Auto Memories Dolls were actually paid quite a high amount of money compared to the average worker. They didn't have uniforms, rather they made their own ensemble to present themselves to customers in. So between living in the attic at the C and H company and having received most of her clothing for free, she'd only really spent money on food for the past year of her life and was wondering what exactly she was meant to do with the rest of it. 

As their food came over the counter Trevor grabbed the tray and led her to a table where they sat across from each other. He took his sandwich and water from the tray and then slid the tray over to her with her soup still on it. "So, if you're not a post-woman then what do you actually do for work?"

Violet nearly shot up from her chair to her feet. Her body had moved on its own and she had had to stop it, catching Trevor by surprise. She was halfway to her feet, intending to bow to him, when she slowly sat back down and took a deep breath. 'Informal. He is not a customer he is just asking a question.'

"Uhhh are you okay?" He asked. 

"I am fine. I am an Auto Memories Doll, I work for the C and H Postal Company."

"Ooohhhh," he said softly as he nodded his head and looked her over quickly. "That explains the fancy getup, gotcha," he smiled. "That's pretty cool," he said before taking a bite of his sandwich. 

Violet looked down at her soup and remembered how hungry she was. She grabbed her spoon from the tray and filled it with the soup before bringing it up to her lips and Trevor watched as she blew on it. She could feel his eyes on her but when she looked up to him his eyes darted to the window beside them and he seemed to be looking up into the sky. 

She'd never had this soup before and when she finally took a swig from her spoon her eyes lit up a little and she cleaned the rest from the spoon. "This is very good," she admitted softly and went back for another spoonful. 

"Well I'm glad you like it," he smiled and shrugged. "I don't think I've ever had a bad meal here." He watched and Violet ate several spoonfuls before pausing to drink from her tea. "What's it like being a Doll? Do you get to go all over the country for work?"

After placing her mug down she spoke up, "Yes. I've been helping out the postal service because work is slow for the Auto Memories Doll service right now. I was already trained as a postal worker so I wanted to help them out."

"Huh," he smiled again. Violet couldn't help but study his face whenever he was looking away from her. The expressions that she had been trying to nail down came so easily to other people and she wanted to see as many of them as she could. "That's really nice of you. I'm sure they appreciate the help."

"I don't know…" she said and he gave her a questioning glance. "I've been...restless. I only offered in order to keep myself busy."

"Really? Huh. Well still no matter what you're reasoning I'm sure that they enjoy the help. But if you don't have any of your own work to do couldn't you take a vacation?"

"Vacation?" She asked as she looked back into his eyes. "What's that?"

"Wait...you don't know what a vacation is? It's just when you take a break from work for a while. Go see things that you've always wanted to see. Relax and have time to yourself," he explained but the more he said the more Violet's thoughts wandered to the Major. 

"I...do not believe I would be very good at that…" she finally said before she took another swig of her soup. 'Be polite,' the words rang out in her mind. "What do you do for work?" It was polite to ask people that right? He had asked her after all. As soon as the words left her mouth though she remembered the one detail that had stuck with her the most about their short encounter earlier that day. "Were you in the military?"

"Uh…" he gasped a little at her words and Violet watched as his expression flipped. "What makes you say that?"

"You are built like a soldier," she said calmly as she looked over his body. He wasn't overly muscled, but it was clear to her that he was in good shape. "And you wear standard-issue army combat boots. We all wore those," she said and saw him look down to his hands which were folded on the table. 

"No, I...I wasn't in the military. The boots were my brother's…"

"...Were," she breathed out as her eyes widened slightly. 

"We weren't really close but when they sent one of his uniforms home to us it came with a letter. He wanted me to have them because he knew I could make use of them," he said calmly with a small smile as he looked back up to her. 

"I am...I'm," she began as her thoughts raced and before she knew it they settled upon the Major's bloody face in the stairwell. The image of her nightmares. 

Before she could even get a single tear out though she heard him speak again. "It's okay," she saw him smile. "He didn't regret his choices and that's what matters."

Violet's lips parted in surprise at his words. She had never thought of it that way. She never wondered about whether or not she regretted her actions, or if the Major ever regretted his own. "Anyway," he began again, "I'm a machinist at that Shop you saw me leave earlier. We cut metal to create all sorts of things. I run Lathes."

"Lathes? What is that?" She asked curiously and for a moment she thought she felt thankful for something. She wasn't sure what though. 

"It's a big machine that turns metal bars. We come in with tools to cut away at the metal while it turns and make it into different parts for other things to be built."

"I see. That sounds very useful," she admitted, not ever having given much thought as too where things came from. She knew farmers had to grow food and simple things like that. But she'd never given much thought as to where Trains came from, or their rails, or even Tanks. 

As the two eventually finished their meals they headed back out onto the sidewalk. Darkness had fallen completely around them and after a short amount of walking, Violet noticed Trevor stop so she did as well. "Would you like me to walk you back home?"

Violet pondered his question for a moment before looking up into his eyes. "No thank you. I will be fine."

"Thought you might say that," he smirked before holding his hand out to her. She took his hand in hers and she felt him shake once. "It was very nice talking to you Violet. Maybe I'll see you around town sometime," he smiled and she thought, just for a moment, she might have felt her heart jump. She wasn't sure what that sensation meant but she knew it did not feel pleasant. 

It had been nice talking to him though, she thought to herself. So if she had had a decent time then why did the reaction her body gave her feel unpleasant? "It was nice talking to you as well. Thank you for the meal," she said as she let go his hand and gave a quick courtesy, lifting the edges of her dress gently. Violet turned and headed for home as she noted that he began walking down a different street. 

He must have only walked with her this far because they both happened to live in the same direction from the little shop. As she made it back to the Postal Company she climbed the stairs up to the attic and made her way into her room. It wasn't too late at night yet and she wasn't really tired so she pulled her chair out from her desk and sat, staring out the window into the star-filled bay. 

She lifted her right hand up to her mouth and bit down gently on the middle finger of her glove and pulled it off, before doing the same with her left hand. She set the gloves down and began inserting a piece of paper into her typewriter. Cattleya had told her a few months ago, just after finding out that the Major was, in fact, not coming back, that she should try keeping a physical diary to help her express her feelings. Even if no one else were to read it, it may help her deal with some of the emotions that she felt yet still couldn't identify or interpret properly. 

She hadn't been sure that it was a good idea, but Violet had relented and she had typed out at least three or four entries per week. She’d left them in a stack on a small bookshelf that she had moved into her room recently when the stack had become too much for her work desk to handle. 

Violet had shown the first few to Cattleya to try and get some kind of approval, but after her boss had explained that there was no need for approval for a letter of this kind, Violet had stopped bringing them to her attention. Cattleya had said that her diary was for her eyes only, to help her and no one else. The only thing that she had suggested was that instead of addressing each entry to the Major as she had done, she should instead address them to herself. And so she had done as she was asked. 

"To Violet Evergarden…" her metallic fingers clacked over the keys of the device, breaking the silence of her room. "I did something new today…"


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Iris groaned louder than Violet had ever heard her as her forehead hit her desk softly over and over again. "I can't believe this," she sobbed. "There's just no way!" She had been at it for several minutes now as Erica had been carefully dissecting everything Violet had told them when she'd come into the office that morning. 

They had asked her why she had rushed out yesterday afternoon after their short talk about something rude that she had done. What had come out of her mouth had shocked them both, but Erica had been far more calm than Iris was being. 

"How could Violet possibly go on a date before me!" Iris groaned as she sulked. 

"A...date?" Violet asked. "What is that?" She knew of course what a date was. It was a day on the calendar but somehow she figured that that wasn't what her co-workers meant. 

"A date is...when two people who are romantically interested in each other go out together."

Violet sat in stunned silence at Erica's explanation. "I…" she began softly. "I did not...I am not," she shook her head and Erica saw her eyes begin to water. "I do not understand," she cried out and Iris lifted her head off of her desk and looked to Violet. She rose from her desk and crossed the room to sit beside Violet, her big blue eyes following her all the way. 

"Violet it's okay," Erica tried to soothe her but she could see that Violet's hands were shaking. Violet soon found Iris' hand on her shoulder and she watched as Iris smiled back to her. 

"It's not a bad thing Violet. It's okay," she tried to explain but when she did Violet clenched her hands into frustrated fists. 

"But I am not romantically involved with him!" She cried out. Deep down she wasn't even really sure why she felt so upset. Her stomach was tied up in knots and her heart was beating much faster than normal. She'd been upset before but more often than not it hadn't felt like this. She'd been sad for other people and angry at other people but rarely did she feel like this. She thought she might be angry with herself but she really couldn't tell. 

"Violet are you…" Iris began as she moved closer to Violet. "Are you blushing?" She asked and Violet froze. 

"What...what is that," she asked, trying to hold back tears. 

"Your face you...your cheeks have much more color in them than they do normally," Erica explained. "People blush when they are embarrassed. How do you feel?"

"I...my stomach feels...tight and my heart," she began before touching a few fingers to her chest. "Is that Embarrassed?"

"There's a good chance. It's okay though," Iris took hold of Violet’s hand and smiled. "It's nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. Everyone feels like that sometimes. Besides, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. There's nothing wrong with you going out on a date."

"Then why are you in disbelief of it?"

"Ahah," Iris groaned and looked back to the floor as her own cheeks flushed a little. "I'm uhmmm."

"She's jealous," Erica smirked a little. She did not often give her co-workers a smile but this situation was definitely worthy of it if you asked her. 

Iris let out a small whimper of defeat and returned her attention to Violet. "Jealous?" Violet asked and turned to Iris. "What is jealous?"

"It…" Iris began, her limbs going a bit Ridgid before she sighed and took a deep breath, trying to relax herself. She had to tell the truth no matter how much she didn't want to. She couldn't mislead Violet, she was just too innocent for that. "It's when someone...wishes that they had something that someone else has," Iris said softly. 

"Oh, I see. Well if you want to then why can you not go on a...date with Trevor as well?"

Iris' face lit up red and Erica couldn't help but burst out laughing. Violet looked between the two girls in confusion as Iris shook her head. "No no Violet not like that! I'm jealous of the date, not who the date was with," and even Iris couldn't help but begin to laugh. 

"Oh," Violet tried to understand but she wasn't sure that she did. "Well...what should I do?"

"Well, you said you had a good time right?" Iris asked. 

"I believe I did. He was nice and our conversation was nice."

"Well then...do you like him?" Erica asked. 

"Do I...like him? How would I know that?"

"Well did you think he was hot?" Iris winked at Violet. While Erica rolled her eyes. 

"Hot? I did not touch him or ask him if he felt too warm."

"No…" Iris shook her head. "Sorry. I meant did you find him attractive?"

"How...would I know if I did? I'm not sure what I find attractive except…" she cut herself off before she could say the answer she had wanted to say. Instead, her hand came up and clutched the broach hanging around her collar and Iris' expression changed. She looked sad, Violet thought. 'Why should Iris be sad?' she thought to herself. 

"Well then maybe...maybe you could write to yourself in your journal about that next time huh?" Iris asked. "Maybe think about the kinds of things you like about people or that catch your eye?"

Violet lifted her fingers to her chin to think for a moment before replying. "Do you really think that that would help?"

"Well, it certainly can't hurt," Erica shrugged. Violet wasn't so sure that that was true but she decided to keep that thought to herself. 

Thankfully that happened to be the moment that Benedict let himself into their office, arms full of bags of take-out for lunch that they had all ordered. Erica and Iris hadn't much cared for Benedict when Violet had started working for the Postal Company but he had slowly worked his way onto their good sides. Even Cattleya had given up on trying to keep him out of the office over the last year. 

"Alright ladies who ordered what again?" He asked with a smile as he set the brown bags down on the communal table and Iris and Erica began picking through the bags for their orders. Violet waited patiently for them to finish before she found her order and set it out before herself. 

"Thanks, Benedict," Iris and Erica said together before Violet got her own, "Thank you," out. She pulled off her gloves in the usual way and set them aside, as to not get food on them. 

Benedict sat across the table, beside Erica, and pulled his own lunch from the bags before setting to work eating it. Violet could remember when she would go off with her lunch and eat alone every day. When she didn't really know any better. When she didn't realize that these people were more than her co-workers. She'd never had friends before having this job, only Major Gilbert. She'd never had any idea that these people could become so close to her. She didn't know if she was the best friend but she was thankful for how patient they had all been with her, especially when Iris and Erica had asked her to sit with them at lunch from now on a few months ago. 

Benedict too had started joining them, though he hadn't been invited to do so. The girls had just stopped shooing him away one day and let it happen. Violet wasn't sure if that was rude of him or not but she had never minded his company, especially after he had helped her so bravely in removing the bombs from the Grandeza Bridge to prevent a terrorist attack. 

Benedict had not served in the army as Violet had but she was amazed at how quickly and confidently he had lept from the train and how on the mark he had been. Sure he was a bit reckless on his delivery bike but she hadn't figured him to be so athletic, especially in heels. She'd witnessed him roll his ankle in those heels just walking along the sidewalk more times than she could count. He always blamed it on the grooves in the cobblestone walkways and she supposed that that was fair to an extent. 

"Oh, Violet I forgot," he said between chewing his food and Iris scowled at how gross she thought he was being. "Here," he said as he produced two letters from his pocket. "These came for you." 

"For me?" She said as her eyes lit up and she reached to take them from him. "I got two?" She had never received more than one letter in a day. Never even two in one week before. She'd really only received thank you letters from the people she had done long and strenuous jobs for over the last year, and a few personal letters from the ones who wished to keep in contact with her as well. 

She set down her utensils and flipped the letters over, finding both of them were indeed addressed to Violet Evergarden, though they were each in very different handwriting. One was very neat and clearly came from someone who did not require help writing a letter. The other was a bit messy and imperfect, but still legible. She recognized the neat and clean handwriting easily, "Leon," she smiled. She put the letter aside and let out a sigh of relief. If she had received a letter from Leon that meant that he was still okay and safe on his journey to see the world. She could read it later, she figured, right now she was more interested in the handwriting she didn't recognize. 

She turned it around and pried the seal open carefully before pulling out the letter and opening it up to reveal an entirely handwritten letter.

"Who's it from Violet?" Iris asked, trying her best not to snoop. 

Violet skipped to the bottom of the letter to answer the question and when she did her lips parted and eyes widened in surprise. "From Trevor," she said softly. 

"Who's Trevor?" Benedict raised an eyebrow and the girls all looked to each other. "What?" 

"Violet uhm…" Erica began slowly. "Violet met a new...friend yesterday," she tried to explain without saying the word 'date'.

"New friend?" Benedict almost choked in surprise. "How'd that happen?"

"We went on a date," Violet said with an unflinching straight face and she thought Benedict's eyes were going to pop out of his skull. 

"What?! Wha! How did?!" He kept beginning questions that he couldn't seem to find the ends of. He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled on it until Violet thought his expression matched Iris' perfectly from before. "Howwwww," he sighed as Iris laughed a little. 

"I bumped into him while delivering the mail. I fell and he caught me. Later he...offered to take me to dinner and I did not understand that that was a date."

"Of course," Benedict sighed in defeat. "Leave it to Violet to accidentally go on a date before I can go on one on purpose," he groaned. 

"Tell me about it," Iris rested her cheek in her palm. "What does it say, Violet?"

"Dear Miss Evergarden," she began. "I just wanted to thank you one more time for humoring me last night. It was nice to have someone to talk to. I never expected to see you again after we bumped into each other but I'm glad we did. I wouldn't mind getting to know you better if you would like to see each other again sometime. I know you are a hard-working woman, so you may not have much free time but if you would like to, you can send a letter back at the return address on the envelope. Of course, you work for the Postal Company so you already know that," she said and Iris and Benedict laughed a little to themselves. "If not then I understand. Be well, Trevor Belle."

"Wait a minute," Benedict said as he raised his hand to his chin and scratched at an imaginary beard. "Belle. I know that name," he wondered aloud. 

"I feel like I've seen it too," Iris pondered softly. "Either way it was nice of him to send you a thank you letter. It sounds like he really liked spending time with you." 

"It does?" Violet wondered and looked back at the letter. 

"He even acknowledged how hard you work. That's a plus," Erica added. 

"True," Iris agreed, "did you enjoy talking to him too Violet?"

"Well, I...I suppose I did but did you not say that dates are romantic? I did not mean for him to think that I was romantically interested in him."

"Well, it sounds like you both had a good time," Iris shrugged. "What have you got to lose by seeing him again? You never know, you might end up liking him. It doesn't need to start out romantic but it could develop into something more later on you know?"

"But what if I...say rude things or...hurt his feelings."

"Violet you have a long life ahead of you, you're going to have to learn these things sooner or later so why not start now?" Iris answered. "The sooner you figure all of this out the sooner you could discover how you feel ya know? And if you're worried about hurting his feelings or doing something that would make him think that you are romantically interested in him then just be open about what you are going through," Iris nodded before adding, "politely," at the end. 

"Tell him...what I am going through?" She asked. She thought she understood Iris' meaning but she wanted to be sure before she spilled too much information about herself to a stranger. 

"Tell him about how you were in the military since you were young and that you have a lot to learn about normal life. You don't need to go too much into detail if you aren't comfortable with it but that should be enough for him to understand that you aren't saying hurtful or rude things on purpose, you just don't know any better. How old is this guy anyway?" Benedict asked finally and Violet began to think.

"I did not ask but I...I do not think he is too much older than you are," she answered him. 

"Oh, that's a relief. Just wanted to make sure we weren't setting you up with some guy way older than you," he laughed before Violet gave him a questioning glance. 

"Major Gilbert was much older than I am. Is that bad?" 

Benedict froze and chose his next words VERY carefully. "Oh, uhm, no no it's not a bad thing at all!" He said before shoving food into his mouth before he could say something else stupid. She hadn't really ever thought of the age gap between herself and the Major before. She'd never had a reason too. How old was he really? How old was she? They had never talked about it. Neither of them had celebrated birthdays in the military and she had no idea when her birthday was anyway. 

"I don't even know how old I am," she admitted and her friends looked at her with a bit of distress on their faces. "What should I say to him? Should I write a letter back to him or go track him down?"

"You should absolutely write him a letter, Violet!" Iris said as she clasped her hands together with a smile. "Your letters are wonderful. I'm sure he will love it!"

"...Love it?" She said softly, touching her fingertips to her bottom lip. "Love," she breathed out again silently as she thought about the word. She'd come a long way in understanding the meaning of the word. She'd even begun to understand why the Major had told her that he loved her before he died but...she still hadn't been sure if she had ever felt love. 

"That's it!" Benedict suddenly yelled out, taking the three by surprise and they saw him snap his fingers. "Belle! The Belle Company!"

"Belle Company?" Iris asked. 

"They are one of the biggest businesses in the city. An industrial machine shop. He must be one of the owner's sons!"

"Ooohhhhh," Iris realized. "You're right I knew I'd heard that name before. Wow our little Violet is aiming high," she winked and Benedict chuckled a little.

"Whether she realizes it or not," he laughed out. 

After work, Violet returned to her room and sat down at her desk before she opened up Leon's letter and read it to herself aloud. He seemed to be doing well enough. He had described a night out in a grassy plain underneath the stars in great detail. Violet wasn't sure, but she thought that she was happy for him. Happy that he had been pursuing his dream of seeing the world and living life to the fullest. Sometimes she found herself wishing she could see some of the views he had described in person. 

As she finished his letter she set it down on the table beside herself to remind her to type a reply later. First, she wanted to try what her friends had suggested to her earlier. She wanted to try and think of things she found attractive about a person. She knew she liked Major Gilbert's eyes. And her Broach that he had bought for her. Did that mean that she was attracted to just his eyes? Or did that mean that she was attracted to all green eyes? She loved the broach because it happened to be the same green the Major's eyes, she didn't really ever consider if she would have liked it if it had been a different color. 

What colors did she like? That was a place she could start right? She liked the red of the ribbon in her hair buns. She liked the way the deep blue in her dress made the lighter blue of her eyes stand out more. The same could be said for the way the dark green of their army uniforms made the light green of the Major's eyes stand out, as well as his dark hair. Did she like dark hair? Did she like that Major Gilbert was so much taller than she was? 

The only thing that she was really sure of beyond that was that she had truly enjoyed the when Major Gilbert gave her orders. It melted everything else away whenever he gave her an objective. She didn't have to think or ask questions. There was only the mission. This new life was much harder than what she had experienced in the army. Well, that was what she had thought up until she realized the meaning of the words Lieutenant Hodgins had said to her on her first day of work. 

"I am burning," she whispered. The words had haunted her more and more once she realized that she had in fact been burning for nearly a year without realizing it. When the weight of her actions at war had crashed down upon her. When she had grown to value people's feelings and understand the value of a person’s life. She had ended more lives than she could ever count and once their weight came down around her she had locked herself in her room for nearly a week. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep, she didn't see anyone or feel anything other than the flames ripping through what flesh she had left. 

She shook her head and shut her eyes tightly for a moment to try and refocus. She began to type. 'I like the color green. I believe it may be my favorite color. It was the color of Major Gilbert's eyes, and of the broach that he gave to me. I like very dark hair as well, it brings out the color of people's eyes just as well as very bright hair. I like that the Major was taller than I am. It was easy to pick him out of a crowd, even of other soldiers, thanks to these traits. I never lost track of him in the heat of battle. I admired how hardworking he was as well,' she typed before she stopped, realizing that this was quickly becoming no more than a list of things that described Major Gilbert, rather than what she was asked to provide. 

She took a deep breath and tried to turn what she had just written into something more constructive. 'I believe I appreciate a hard-working person. Someone gentle as well, though not afraid to defend themselves.'

/

The next morning Iris was surprised when Violet came straight to her desk first thing in the morning and handed her a piece of paper. She took it warily and began to skim through it, confused at first. "Ooohh okay," she said when she realized what she'd been handed and she sat up and took a closer look at Violet's notes. Violet waited patiently, standing beside her desk in silence. 

"This...this is a really good first try, Violet," Iris smiled up to her before returning her attention to the paper. 

"First try at what?" Cattleya asked, grabbing both their attention. She closed the door to the office behind her and Violet couldn't help but smile a little while Iris was much more expressive. 

"You're back!" Iris exclaimed happily as their boss walked over to them and leaned over the desk to peek at the piece of paper. "How was your trip?"

"It wasn't too bad. The client was a little difficult but we got there," she smirked. "What have you girls been up to?"

"Well," Iris said softly. "Do you want to tell her?" 

"Iris...suggested I try to write down things I find…attractive in other people."

Iris’s face flushed red and Cattleya's jaw dropped. That was not exactly what Iris had expected Violet to lead off with, and she was even more shocked when Cattleya grabbed the piece of paper out of Iris’ loose grip and began to scan it herself. Violet watched as her purple eyes flicked from side to side and widened. "Violet this is a great start! Iris is right you did a good job for a first try!" Iris was relieved that Cattleya thought so but she still wished she'd given their boss more context. "What's the occasion?"

"A...a man treated me to dinner the other night and I did not understand why. Then he sent me a letter thanking me. Iris and Erica said that that was a date and that I should try to think about things that I find attractive in a person."

Cattleya was speechless, at a total loss for words in fact. Her lips were parted and Iris barely held down her urge to laugh at her boss' vacant expression. Moments later Violet found her boss' arms around her shoulders and her face pressed into Cattleya's shoulder. "Violet I'm so proud of you!" She sniffed and Iris couldn't tell if she was actually crying or not. 

"For...what?" Violet asked and Cattleya chuckled. 

"For making an acquaintance outside of work all by yourself! Whether you went on an accidental date or not you must have felt very uncomfortable. But the fact that you did it means you were very brave! Did it go well?" She asked as she let her go and handed her back the piece of paper. 

"It sounds like it did," Iris shrugged before Violet could answer. "But Violet doesn't really know if it did."

"Hmm? You don't know if it went well?"

"I am not sure how to tell. He seemed to enjoy talking to me. He even said so in his letter. That’s a good thing...right?"

"Yes but Violet it's also important that YOU have a good time talking to him. What did you talk about?"

"I asked him what he did for work and if he was in the army," she began as Cattleya's shoulders dropped a little. 

"Violet, what made you ask him that? Do you think you're only attracted to military men?" Her boss asked. 

"I asked because he wore standard issue combat boots," she explained and Cattleya sighed in relief. "He said they belonged to his brother, however, and were returned to him with his brother's uniform…"

"Ooh," Cattleya sighed. "Well, what else did you talk about?" She continued, trying to get off the subject of dead relatives. 

"We talked about what I do for work. I explained that I travel all over the country to meet my commissions in person and write letters on their behalf. We also talked about the weather," Violet continued on and Cattleya got the distinct impression that if Violet's figure got any more upright she was going to reflexively raise her hand to her forehead and salute her boss. It wouldn't have been the first time. It was just the way she carried herself and the way she spoke. Eyes forward, chin up, back straight, and the way she spoke was as if she was giving her a report from the battlefield. She had at least stopped saluting her after a few months of working as a doll. 

"Well, where does he work then?"

"At the Belle Machining Company," Violet answered. 

"Oh good, that's a good job, Violet. Fortunate that he didn't get laid off when the war ended. What's his name?"

"Trevor Belle," Violet said softly and watched as a wave of some emotion washed over Cattleya's face. She had only seen the look on her superior's face a single time and as soon as she did, Violet felt her throat begin to close up as her body reacted faster than her mind. "What is it," she gets out, voice cracking a little.

"Nothing!" Cattleya said quickly, putting her hands on Violet's shoulders. "I'm okay it's nothing sweetheart. Don't worry about it I just...I remembered something about…"

"Something about what," Iris asked softly, raising an eyebrow. 

"It's nothing," she said as she shook her head and plastered a fake smile on her lips, trying to comfort Violet into thinking she really had had nothing to say. "Sorry about that. Why don't you girls...take the rest of the day to yourselves huh? I'm sure you've been working hard to hold down the place right?"

Once Violet and Iris had gathered their belongings Violet returned to her room and sat, once again, at her type-writer and removed her gloves before she began to wait for inspiration. She lifted her broach to her lips and began to nibble gently on the gold loop that the cord ran through, as she often did when she was lost in thought. 

She couldn't stop thinking about the emotion that had spread across Cattleya's face. She'd seen it on people's faces many times but only once to the degree that her boss had displayed. It was when the Major had yelled at her in their tent before they had stormed the fortress in their last battle. Overwhelming sorrow. She hadn't been able to tell what it was then but she could now. She had become accustomed to people trying to protect her feelings lately. After everyone at the company had found out that Major Gilbert was actually dead all this time they had begun to sugar coat their words for fear of upsetting Violet. 

She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, especially since she had neglected to tell anybody the entire story of the night she had realized that she was burning on the inside. No one else knew what she had tried and failed to do that night. Sometimes when she looked at her metallic fingers she remembered how cold they'd felt around the pale skin of her neck. The way she had felt that night was as if she was truly on fire, and the only thing that wasn't burning were her arms and hands. After all, these weren't the hands that she'd killed dozens, if not hundreds, of men with. Still though, despite that fact, she still felt the blood of her victims on her new fingers once in a while. She still had nightmares about watching the Major die every few days and in those nightmares, it was her new hands that were covered in his blood, rather than the ones she'd lost that night. 

Her mind wandered for a moment until it settled on the time she had foolishly spent trying to dig Major Gilbert's body out from the rubble of the fortress. When she'd walked cross country all the way to his mansion just to find his grave there waiting for her. When Lieutenant Hodgins came to retrieve her she’d felt the rain on her pale skin and while she'd sat there she almost felt, for a moment, that she wasn't burning. 

Violet suddenly lowered a hand to her type-writer and without really thinking she typed out one sentence before stopping. She repeated the sentence to herself as she looked back out over the bay, watching the sun's reflection dance on the waves. 

"I like the way the rain feels."


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

"Uh...how did you get in here?" Trevor asked, a little taken aback by the scene before him. He'd had his head buried in his work, almost literally, before this. His hulking Lathe had snapped a bolt and he'd been leaned inside of it, the large door wide open. The machine came up to his ribs with the door open so it was no easy task leaning inside of it with a wrench to put a new bolt in the old one's place, since it was so far down in the machine. 

Violet had waited patiently after being directed to his work station but after she realized that his work was going to take far longer than she wanted to stay silent, she'd spoken up and Trevor had stiffened up like a board in surprise. He'd nearly hit his head on the tailstock of his machine on the way up too and Violet felt a bit guilty for surprising him. She had tried to occupy herself by inspecting the machines around them, watching the large metal bars turn inside them as they were cut down into the vague shapes of things, some she could identify and others she could not. 

That had only lasted a few minutes though before she could no longer hold in her presence. "Mr. Belle," she'd said softly as first. But after it became obvious that he hadn't heard her over the immense noise of the shop she had reached out and poked him in the back," Mr. Belle!" She said louder and that was when he had bolted upright. 

After that he had stared at her in confusion for several moments before asking her how it was she had gotten into the shop. He'd watched as she shifted a bright blue parasol back and forth between her hands as if she may, in fact, be slightly nervous. 

"I attempted to leave this for you at the door but the man posted there let me in," she explained and turned to point to another worker who was on a smoke break at the loading dock door. "He said you would enjoy it more if I gave it to you in person."

"He would say that," Trevor rolled his eyes and moved to a crude metal desk he had nearby. He pulled off his leather gloves and dropped them to the table before he pulled a rag up to his sweat and grease-covered face and wiped it as best he could with no mirror. He still had a smudge on his forehead but Violet figured she didn't need to mention it to him. "Well, thank you for the delivery Violet," he said with a smile as she handed him the letter. 

"I thought I should...reply to your letter with one of my own. I do not know much about dates but I believe I had a good time," she tried to explain and she saw Trevor's face light up red. "And your letter was very kind."

"Well you...you're welcome," he stammered a little before standing back up straight and shaking his head. "And thank you for replying," he said before he went to slip his finger underneath the seal of the letter. 

However, before he could get it open the two of them heard a booming voice come from behind Trevor, and Violet watched as he spun around, hiding the letter behind his back. "Trevor, who the devil is this? No nonemployees in the shop!"

Violet poked her head around Trevor to see a heavyset man in a tailored suit and tie looking back at Trevor and her. She stepped to Trevor's side and bowed to him as quickly as she could. 

"Auto Memories Doll Violet Evergarden, sir," she said just barely loud enough to be heard. "The man over there let me in," she gestured. "Not Mr. Belle."

"Mr. Belle? Hah! I am the only Mr. Belle here," the man laughed condescendingly through his full beard and mustache. He had completely grey hair with a slowly receding hairline and Violet got the message loud and clear. "Now you need to leave. I'll deal with you after work," he said through gritted teeth in Trevor's direction. Violet hesitated just a moment too long. She found Mr. Belle's tone was quite harsh and she wanted to restate that Trevor had not done anything wrong. "Miss do I need to have you removed from the building?" He asked, his deep voice vibrating through Violet's thoughts. 

"No," she bowed again, " I apologize. I did not mean to cause a problem," She said before turning to Trevor. "Good day," she said softly before curtsying to him. She looked up and saw him nod his head. 

"Enjoy the rest of your day Violet," he smiled and Violet thought, for a moment, that he may have forced that smile.

Violet turned to leave and it was only a few steps before she was back out on the street, arms wrapped around her lower abdomen. Her stomach felt tight and discontent. It wasn't as if she wanted to prevent Trevor from getting his work done by staying but…"Why do I feel this way? I feel...sick," she thought out loud. 

"I should not have done that," she said as she looked up to the grey of the clouded sky. She now wished she had insisted on leaving the letter with the man at the door but a part of her was confused as to why she'd allowed herself to go inside. 'I'll deal with you later,' she thought. What had he done wrong? Why would Trevor need to be reprimanded for her mistake? Not to mention that when she had pointed out the man that had actually broken the rules to let her inside, the older man in the suit hadn't cared a bit, and chose to double down on Trevor instead. 

'The only Mr. Belle here...that means he must be...Trevor's father,' she thought to herself as she felt a raindrop splash on the shoulder pads of her dress. She looked up to the sky and immediately felt another droplet hit her cheek. Before long she felt the edges of her lips curl up into what might be able to be considered a smile. Violet counted herself lucky that she'd been carrying her parasol with her and she opened it up before continuing on down the sidewalk, back towards work. 

Perhaps this was another reason that she liked the rain. Anytime it rained it gave her an excuse to use the parasol that Mr. Webster had given her to keep. Every time she took it out with her to walk she thought of everything she'd learned from her commission with the author. How she had nearly been able to jump over a section of the lake. Deep down she thought that if she had given it another try she may have made it all the way across. Mr. Webster had taught her much about loss and how a person could continue to live on without someone they'd loved. 

The only issue was that Mr. Webster had found closure when Violet had helped him to write his last play. Violet, on the other hand, had not. She had thought that preventing terrorists from destroying the Grandeza Bridge with Major Gilbert's brother, and putting the tension between them to rest would give her the closure she had wanted. It hadn't. For a while, she had felt better about things but it was not made to last. The more she explored her own feelings the more she had come to realize that the Major's last words had required an answer. An answer that she did not have. 

She began to wonder if her letter had been an appropriate response to Trevor's as she continued walking. She hadn't shown it to anyone for approval, nor had anyone helped her to write it. She had only had a few opportunities to write letters that were not love letters, and she had tried her very hardest to not write one. She also hadn't wanted it to seem uncaring, however. What if she did truly enjoy Trevor's company? Then she would have to leave herself open to speaking to him again, so she could not seem so cold as to give him the impression that she did not enjoy herself. It had been challenging but she'd finally finished it before bed last night. 

The long and short of her writing had been to let Trevor know that she would not mind seeing him again some time and that she as well had enjoyed their conversation, as he said he had. She too had questions she wanted to ask him but she had left it at that. She wanted to save her questions for the next time they were able to speak in person, figuring that that would be a polite thing to do. Not to mention that she was much better at interpreting people's feelings in person than she was through a letter. She enjoyed receiving letters of course because it let her know that her friends were thinking of her and that they cared. But it was so much easier to interpret emotion when you could read people's body language and facial expressions. Unless they were faking their facial expressions, a skill which Violet had far from mastered. She hadn't even really tried thus far to be fair. She had only faked a smile once and she'd had to use her fingers to pull her cheeks up to do it. 

When she finally returned to work she found Iris alone in the office with a Commission at her desk, typing away and Violet was thankful that at least one of them had finally received a request. Iris nodded to her with a silent smile before returning to typing and Violet returned the same gesture before she turned around and walked back out of the office quietly. She instead made her way to the mailroom and found Benedict sitting on a desk with his right leg layed upon a mail cart. 

"Oh, hey Violet," he said and again she watched as yet another person forced a smile in front of her. 

"Did you twist your ankle again?" She asked and watched as he raised a hand up to the back of his head and ran his fingers through his hair. His smile grew wider and he closed his eyes, cheeks reddening to make the color of his mildly swollen ankle. "Why do you do that?"

When she asked that he froze and seemed a bit confused. "Because I like the shoes?"

"No. Not that," she shook her head before crossing the room and pointing gently to his face. "Why do you fake a smile when you are...embarrassed?" She asked slowly and Benedict's cheeks loosened a bit as he slowly nodded. 

"Oh. Well. People...I guess we really can be complicated sometimes huh?" He asked as he tapped the desk beside him. Violet had come to understand that this could be interpreted as a way for people to ask you to sit beside them, but she shook her head in response. 

"I'll go get a hot cloth for you," she said and before he could respond she was out the door. When she came back she pulled a chair up to where Benedict was sitting and she sat in it across from him, letting his footrest in her lap while she wrapped a damp and heated towel around his ankle. He grimaced a little when she'd touched him and first but he was stunned at how gentle she was capable of being. 

"You've really come a long way you know Violet…" he admitted, speaking without really thinking about his words. 

"In what way?" She asked, cocking her head to the side with a vacant expression. She had wanted to tell him that she hadn't really traveled all that far to be here but she suspected that that wasn't really what he'd meant. 

"Your hands," he said quickly, clearing his throat. "It seems that using your type-writer has really helped you master them."

She hadn't really thought about it if she was being honest with herself. It was something that she probably should have noticed about herself but somehow it had slipped her mind that at one time, she couldn't use them very well. She'd spent weeks in the hospital trying to hold a pen or a fork properly and it had never really gotten all that much better. She could almost write legibly while she was there but when they'd discharged her she had almost immediately been introduced to type-writers and she hadn't lifted a pen since. 

"Thank you," she breathed out, deep in thought as she stared down into the metal joints of her fingers. 

"In other ways too," he added and ripped her away from her thoughts. As their blue eyes met he spoke again. "You're a really good friend," he smiled and before she knew it, she felt the edges of her mouth tighten up. 

The soft pink of her lips curled up into a smile and Benedict seemed stunned for a moment before he chuckled to himself. "I think that's the first time I've seen you smile that big Vie," he smiled in return. 

Benedict had been calling her that more and more lately and she had recently asked him to explain the merit of nicknames to her. If someone was good friends with you then calling you by a short nickname was meant to be endearing. Just another informally that Violet had had to start practicing. Unfortunately, the only person she had been able to practice it with was Benedict himself. None of her other friends had easy names to shorten but shortening Benedict to Ben had come to her immediately. 

"Thank you Bened...Ben," she smiled again, more softly this time. "Have you remembered anything else recently?" She asked. Thankfully she had found another use for her friendship with Benedict lately, learning how to conduct small talk. 

Benedict had told her very early on into their time knowing each other that he did not remember much of his past. He had known Lieutenant Hodgins personally and had been working for the Company since they had met. Lieutenant Hodgins had gotten out of the military at the same time Violet had, but due to the amount of time she'd spent in the Hospital he had opened and gotten his Postal Company tons of business by the time Violet was discharged. 

It had been during this time that he had hired Benedict. At the time, he barely remembered who he was, never mind anything else. The more he worked and the more people he had grown to know however he had slowly regained a few memories here and there. "I think I did actually but...I'm not really sure. It might have just been a dream," he shrugged. 

Violet knew all too well what he meant. She'd had plenty of her problems distinguishing her lucid dreams from reality since the war ended and she really didn't want to press the matter. But when Benedict spoke again she was surprised that he wanted to keep talking about the subject. "I think I had a little sister," he wondered aloud. "That part felt real."

"A little sister?" She asked. That was curious. None of the things that he had shared with her before had been about his family, or lack of one. Benedict, much the same as Violet, considered Lieutenant Hodgins to be more of a father figure than a boss. Other than that though, and other than their co-workers, the two blondes really didn't have anyone that they belonged to. Neither of them remembered where they had come from either. Violet struggled to remember anything about her past before the Major's brother had presented her to Gilbert. "What was she like?"

"I can't remember," he smiled softly. "Every time I think about it I can't seem to see the whole picture, you know? Just bits and pieces."

"I see."

"What about you? Remember anything new?" 

"No. Not yet," she sulked. 

"Well, that's okay. Don't try to force it or anything. It may come back to you or it might not," he shrugged. "I don't like to worry about it. No point in struggling to remember that kinda stuff when it doesn't affect my future."

Violet just nodded but she wasn't so sure that she agreed. What if a person's past could affect their future in a meaningful way? After all, if the Major hadn't told her that he loved her before he died, would she have ever become an Auto Memories Doll? She thought she may not have. She may be still mindlessly delivering the mail every day as she had on her first day of work. 

  
  


She lifted her hand to her lips while she remained in thought and slipped the tip of her metal thumb between her lips and began to nibble on it. 

"Hey Violet," he said and she looked back up to him, still mindlessly nibbling on her thumb. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" She asked, her expression and actions unchanging. 

"I've seen you chewing on your broach too," he pointed to her hand and she looked down to see her hand at her mouth. 

"I...I'm not sure," she admitted.

"You must find it comforting or something."

"Comforting?" She asked. 

"Yep. Like it makes you feel safe or it calms you down or something like that. Did you bite your fingernails before you...before you...got new arms?" He said, trying to skirt around the words 'Lost your arms,' despite the fact that he knew Violet probably wouldn't care if he worded it that way. 

"No. I…" she began before the memories of trying to lead the Major to safety at the Battle of Intense flashed through her mind. The way she had taken his uniform in her teeth and tried to lift him to his feet. She'd nearly had him up too before he'd ordered her to stop. Was that why she'd started this habit? "I...when Major Gilbert…" she began and Benedict's smile immediately melted into a sorrowful frown. She wasn't looking though, she was now looking down at her hands again. "The last time I saw him I had lost my arms and I...was trying to lift him to his feet...I had his uniform between my teeth and I was trying to get him up but he ordered me to stop."

The pair were silent for a long while before Benedict sighed and spoke up. "You probably developed the habit because you...you wish you hadn't stopped…" he said solemnly. 

She looked up into his eyes again but noticed that he was no longer looking at her. Instead, he was looking off into the window at the far end of the room into the orange and purple clouds of sundown. "You probably regret letting him go. That's why you chew on things like that now. You wish the things you had between your teeth were the buttons on his jacket…"

Violet began to think about what he had said and in moments she could feel her throat beginning to close up as she struggled to keep her breathing under control. Before she could though, she felt Benedict's foot come up off her lap and looked to him with worry in her face. She saw his teeth were grinding together in pain and she stood to try and help him up. Before she could grab hold of his arm though she was surprised that his arms had gone around her, and her face was pressed into the shoulder of his shirt. 

"How do...how do people hold in their emotions so well...they are so…" she began to sob gently as she balled her hands into fists on his chest. "So" she tried to say again before trailing off. 

"It's okay Violet...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"But it's true!" She cried, Benedict, watching as the tears fell from her eyes as she pulled back from him. "You're right! Why would you be sorry about being right? I do not understand!" She got out before she felt him pull her back into his embrace and his arms went tightly around her back. 

"Just because someone is right doesn't mean what they have said is okay...you'll know what I mean someday. You've done nothing wrong, Violet. Just let it out," he tried to say calmly as he rubbed his hand up and down between her shoulder blades to comfort her. 

"But I do not want to cry anymore," she sobbed. "How do you make it stop? How do you hold it in?" Her grip tightened on his shirt. 

"It's better to let it out. Bottling your feelings up is only going to make things worse in the end Violet. Don't ever forget that. And if anyone ever makes you cry then just come tell me and I'll knock some sense into them," he chuckled out. "Okay?"

"Okay," she sobbed softly. 

When Violet had finally been able to stop her tears she'd helped Benedict find a crutch around the building that he kept around for these situations and helped him down the stairs and out the door so he could head home. When they had come through the large doors of the CH company though she was surprised to find Trevor there, a few paces from the door and heading her way. 

"Trevor," she breathed out in mild surprise. 

"Trevor?" Benedict asked in confusion as he looked to the man that Violet's vision was fixed on. "That's the guy?" He asked as he looked Trevor up and down when he came to a stop before them. 

"Hey Violet," he said softly, looking between Violet and Benedict. "Nice to meet you," he said as he held his hand out to Benedict. 

"Huh," Benedict sighed in surprise before shaking Trevor's hand, noting how much larger of a man Trevor was than himself. "Nice to meet you too," he said. "I'll be fine by myself from here Violet. Thanks for walking me out."

"Oh, yes," she smiled and let him go before he started to walk away, missing boot held in his free hand. She then returned her attention to her surprise visitor. "Trevor I...I am very sorry for what happened toda-" she began but stopped when he waved his hand through the air between them. 

"It's okay, don't worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong," he sighed. "I read your letter on my lunch break and I figured that since we both enjoyed ourselves I'd come to...ask if you would like to hang out again sometime."

'Hang out,' she mulled the words over in her mind. She had only heard those words a few times in the last year but she had come to understand that it was shorthand for wanting to spend time with someone. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well," he shrugged, "anything really. We could go for a walk. Or we could go see a play if you're into that sort of thing?"

"Into it?" She asked though she was more asking herself than she was asking him. She had seen a few plays in the past few months thanks to jobs she had taken. She'd typed up and influenced Mr. Webster’s final play. She had even written a song that had featured in the finale of another play as a commission. They had always been work-related however and she wasn't sure if she would have enjoyed them as much if she hadn't had direct involvement in their production. There was really only one way to find out. "That sounds nice," she said softly. 

"Okay," he smiled. He ran his right hand through his hair, pushing it back and to his right slightly and she thought that perhaps there was where his hair was meant to rest. She figured it probably became quite messy in the factory, having to push it out of his face all day. "Well, how does this weekend sound?"

"That should be fine," Violet smiled a bit without realizing it. "Where should we meet?"

"I can pick you up here if you like," he shrugged. Violet happened to know that the Opera House was quite a long walk from her place of employment and she was about to say so when Trevor spoke again. "That is, if you don't mind motorbikes."

"Many of our post-men use them to deliver the mail. Do you own one?" She asked in surprise. 

"I do," he smiled and she noted he seemed a little more confident suddenly. "It's got a long seat so we can both fit. If you're comfortable with it."

"Sure," she replied without really thinking about it. She'd never been on a civilian motorcycle before, and everyone had been encouraging her to try new things, so why not? "How about Saturday night? There is always a play on Saturday nights."

"You got it," he answered with a big smile and shut his eyes before he leaned forward and held his hand out to Violet. She took it without thinking and watched as he lowered his head and bowed to her, holding her fingers between his thumb and his own fingers. "I'll see you then," he smiled up to her. 

Violet felt her face grow hot as her entire body stiffened, not sure how she should respond. When he let go of her hand the only thing she could think to do was cross her legs and sink into a courtesy, hands lifting the edges of her dress like they always did. "I...will see you then," she said nervously and her heartbeat began to speed up. What had he done to her? 

When he turned to leave he lifted his pointer and index finger to his forehead and flicked them forward in mock salute before he began to walk back down the street from whence he came. When he did, Violet thought that for a moment she saw him looking down into his hand that had briefly held hers, and she thought he was rubbing his fingertips together. 

She too looked down at the fingers he had held, while her other hand went to her heart. She felt her heartbeat pounding against the metal of her fingertips as she stared down into her open palm. 

"What is...what does this feeling mean?"

  
  
  



	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

The last few days of the workweek seemed to fly by after Violet's last encounter with Trevor. She had a few requests but none of them took her out of the city. Still, she was glad for the distraction. She had spent hours and hours trying to figure out the emotions she had felt when he'd left her that night on her own but she had to admit she'd gotten nowhere. She would have to ask someone to explain it to her. She'd been trying to think of who to ask but she wasn't really sure who she could rely on for this question. Benedict, Iris, and Erica had never been on a real date such as this before so she wasn't sure that they could really help her. 

That only really left her three options she figured. 'Cattleya, Mr. Hodgins or,' she thought to herself as she gently rapped her knuckles on the wooden door and heard an, "I'll get it!" In a familiar voice. In moments the door was open and Luculia's arms were around Violet's shoulders. "Oh, Violet it's so good to see you! What brings you here?"

"It is good to see you as well," Violet smiled and slowly let her arms wrap around Luculia in return. She wasn't used to hugging people back when they held her but she had been trying to make a conscious effort to do so with Luculia lately. "Are you busy? I wanted to ask you something."

"Not at all, come on in," she smiled and let the embrace be broken before she led Violet inside and into her and her brother's living room. "Would you like some tea or something? I can put a pot on," she offered with a smile. 

Violet was quiet for a moment as she tried to silently calculate how long this conversation may end up lasting. "That would be nice...thank you," she bowed her nodded her head with a smile. 

Luculia just chuckled to herself and disappeared into the kitchen to fill a kettle with water. Once it was filled with all the ingredients she set it down on the stove and returned to the living room and sat with Violet on her couch. "So what's up huh?"

Violet looked up into her friend's eyes and then back down to her hands. She hadn't had the chance to tell Luculia yet about Trevor at all and now she was glad she accepted the tea offer. This could take a while. "Luculia have you...have you been on a date before?"

"Uh," Luculia gasped a little at the question and her cheeks lit up bright red. "Well sure, a couple of times. Why do you ask?"

"I...I went on one without realizing it the other day. And I have been invited to another tomorrow night and I am...unsure of what to do."

"What?!" Luculia gasped before Violet felt her hand on her shoulders before Luculia began to shake her back and forth slightly. "Violet that's great!"

"Is it? It does not feel great," she said softly and Luculia stopped shaking her, her face morphing into one of concern.

"What do you mean Violet? Was he mean to you?"

"No," she shook her head. "He is quite nice actually," she said and her stomach began to do somersaults. "It is not that."

"Then what?" Luculia asked before Violet took her hand in hers and placed her friend's hand on her heart. "Oh. Oh gosh, Violet."

"What does this mean? I do not understand. My stomach feels as though it is tied up in knots...and my heart will not slow down. It is as if I am in combat again and it...does not feel nice."

"Oh Violet," Luculia smiled before she squeezed Violet's hand gently. "It sounds like you're just nervous."

"Nervous?" She blinked.

"Yeah. It happens when people talk to someone new or when they are going to try new things and aren't confident about it. That's completely normal," Luculia smiled. "Didn't you feel like this when you were in the war?"

"No," she admitted. "My stomach has not felt this way before except…" she started before she trailed off. "Except when the Major was shot…"

"Violet you...combat really didn't make you nervous at all?"

"I do not believe so," she said, trying to shake the thoughts of the Major's blood-stained face from her mind. 

"Gosh Violet," Luculia breathed out. "Okay well let me tell you a helpful tip then," the smile returned to her lips. "Having another couple with you on a date can be very helpful when it comes to calming your nerves. A double date lets you be surrounded by people you are comfortable with while also spending time with someone new!"

"A double...date?" She asked before thinking it over. "But I do not know any other couples."

"Oh...wellll then maybe just invite two of your friends?"

"Can I not invite you? You seem to know much about this sort of thing."

Luculia blushed and shook her head slowly. "I don't know if that's a compliment or not," she laughed. "I would love to Violet but I am actually already busy tomorrow night. Could you invite some friends from work?"

"I could try," Violet admitted. 

The kettle broke the silence between them and Luculia went to fetch them both a cup of tea. When she returned she had more questions ready for Violet. "So what's he like anyway?" 

"Thank you," Violet said as she took the mug from Luculia. "He is...tall and has short dark hair. Though it is greying. He has dark brown eyes and works at the Belle Machining Company."

"Ooohh he sounds handsome."

"Handsome?" Violet asked curiously. She wasn't sure really. She had tried to list the things she found attractive in a man but she hadn't gone too deep into the physicality of it. "He may be," she shrugged. "I am not sure."

"Well then you'll have to introduce me to him sometime and I'll let you know if he is handsome," Luculia joked as she softly nudged Violet with her elbow and laughed. 

"Okay," Violet agreed curiously. 

"So what else do you know about him?"

"I know that his brother served in the war and...did not survive. And I believe he is honest and a hard worker."

"Wow, Violet it...seems like you both have some things in common."

"How do you mean?" She asked though she was sure she knew the answer. 

"Well you've...both lost someone important to you."

"He said that he was not very close with his brother but...you may be right. I have learned that people often say things they don't mean in order to keep their true feelings hidden."

"That's right Violet," Luculia smiled before taking a sip from her own mug. "Speaking of which...how did you accidentally end up on a date with this guy?"

"I was delivering the mail and I wasn't looking where I was going. We bumped into each other and he helped me up and picked up most of the dropped letters for me."

"Oh wow, that's so kind of someone to do." Luculia almost sounded jealous if you asked Violet. Though she hadn't had much experience with the emotion yet so she didn't call her out on it. 

"It was. He then meant to shake my hand but I was in such a rush that I did not stay to introduce myself. A few deliveries later I realized that that was rude. So I went back after work and found where he worked. When I apologized he asked if I would like to get dinner. I hadn't eaten lunch so I accepted. I did not realize that he may have romantic intentions. I am not entirely sure that...I even know what romance is, to be honest. I have seen people who are in love but I am not sure that I…I believe I still have much to learn about people's feelings." 

"Violet you are one of the best Auto Memories Dolls I have ever met or even heard about. I think you're fine at understanding other people's feelings. You just don't know how to understand your own feelings. Dating this guy might really help you to understand more of what you are feeling. And if it doesn't work out, in the end, it's okay, as long as you learned something along the way," Luculia smiled and in turn, Violet had to smile too. 

"You really think so?"

"I know so Violet. Just remember. You don't owe anybody anything. The only person you owe anything to is yourself…"

"What do I...owe myself?"

"Forgiveness," Luculia smiled and Violet felt her heart skip a beat. She had told Luculia everything about how she had felt since learning the meaning of taking someone else's life. "And maybe some closure," she added before Violet raised her hand back to her heart and nodded her head.

"Okay."

When Violet returned to the office she had only one objective in mind. Find one or two of her friends that wouldn't mind keeping her company on her date tomorrow night. When she made her back to the Auto Memories Doll office she found Iris, Erica and Benedict there chatting. She slipped in as silently as she could but they turned when they heard the door shut. 

"Hey Violet," Iris said with a smile. 

"Hello," she said, subconsciously bowing her head a bit to her friends. "Are any of you busy tomorrow night?"

"Busy?" Erica asked curiously. "I am."

"Well, I'm not, what's up?" Benedict smirked. 

"I was told that...going on a double date was good for calming your nerves and I do not believe I know any other couples."

"Calming your nerves?" Iris lifted an eyebrow. "Are you nervous about your date tomorrow night?" Violet just nodded silently and Iris couldn't help but smile. "It's okay to be nervous Violet," she said as she crossed the room and took Violet's hand in hers. "I'll be your third wheel," Iris laughed. 

"Third wheel?" Violet asked. 

"It means she's just there for emotional support," Benedict laughed. "Cus she doesn't have a date."

Iris grit her teeth and turned back to Benedict. "You wouldn't have one either you know! At least I'm trying to be a good friend!"

"I could totally find a date by tomorrow night if I had to! In fact, you can count me in to Violet!" Benedict shot back and the room went silent for a moment before Erica spoke up. 

"Why don't you two just go together?" She asked so quietly that she wasn't sure if anyone else would hear her. She hadn't meant to say the words out loud but they had come out of her lips nonetheless. 

Benedict and Iris looked from each other to Erica and then back to each other before they looked to Violet. They had both been about to refuse outright but when their eyes met Violet's hopeful blue orbs they both let out a heavy sigh. "Sure," Benedict said softly as he raised his hand to his hair and ran it through several times. 

"Wha," Iris began before Benedict looked back to his would-be date. "What?!" She asked a little more on edge. 

"Would you rather scramble to find somebody in the next day or just go? It's not like we are actually dating. Come on. For Violet," he sighed as he held out his hand to Iris and she slowly but surely agreed. She shook his hand before she sighed.

"Fine," she huffed. "For Violet. You better wear something nice mail boy!" She teased loudly and Erica began to laugh. 

"We may have to meet at the theater," Violet interjected. "I've already agreed for him to pick me up here on his motorcycle and there is only room for two of us."

"He has a bike huh? Man after my own heart," Benedict smirked. "I could pick you up on one of the work bikes if Hodgins lets me," Benedict shrugged. "Or we could just take the trams or walk."

"You won't catch me on one of those death traps thank you very much, Tram it is," Iris answered as she turned her nose up at the idea. 

Violet slowly began to feel her heartbeat slow down a little and some of the knots began to loosen in her stomach and the three of them heard her give a long exhale before looking back to her. "Thank you very much," she breathed out. "I really appreciate it," Violet smiled. 

Iris' cheeks lit up red and she began to laugh. "Sure thing Violet, anytime," she chuckled out. 

As Violet left the room however Benedict felt Iris' hand slap against his shoulder. "Why would you agree to that?!" She whispered loudly. "I didn't even get a chance to pick someone else!"

"Cus guys are just lining up to go on a date with you," he said snarkily, rubbing his hand into the spot where she'd hit him. "Do you really wanna stress over finding a date in the next twenty-four hours? Or can't you just not stress and do this nice thing for Violet? She needs us to be with her for this," he scolded and Iris's frown ran from her lips as she let her vision sink to the floor in shame. "I don't know if you've noticed but she has no idea what she's doing and she's nervous as hell."

"I know okay I...it's fine. I'll go with you," Iris began. "I just…"

"Look you wouldn't have been my first choice either alright?" Benedict smirked before heading for the doorway. "But you'll have to do," he said as he turned his head back to her and smiled before shutting the door behind him. 

"What's that supposed to mean!" Iris shouted after him as her cheeks burned bright red. For a moment there she had been caught up in his smile and the feeling did not sit well with her. 

When the next afternoon came Violet sat at her desk overlooking the bay and, for the first time in a while, wondered if she should wear something other than her doll costume. The issue with that though was that it made Violet acutely aware of the fact that she didn't actually have much of anything else to wear. She had a plain white button-up shirt, a green skirt, brown shoes with small wedge heels, and her pj's. She hadn't even retained a uniform from the military, not that that would help her right now. 

Maybe that was what she was meant to spend some of her commission payments on? Though, now that she thought about, she didn't get out much other than for work. She had almost never seen any of her co-workers wear a different outfit either. Only Luculia served to show her that people didn't wear the same outfit every day. Every time she saw her she was wearing something different. Maybe she would need to ask her about that sometime soon as well. As Violet was finishing her mental note she heard a loud engine revving and looked down to see a black motorcycle coming toward the building down the street. As it pulled to the curb and stopped she stood from her chair and headed for the door. 

When she made it down to the entrance of the building she found Trevor waiting for her on the curb, leaned back against his bike, which was tilted back toward him as a counterbalance. He'd shut the engine off and was looking up at the building. She took in the sight of him as she lingered in the doorway. 

He was still wearing his black combat boots, though they had been noticeably cleaned and shined. Tucked into them, he wore a pair of tight, tan work pants that seemed brand new, as if he'd never actually worked in them. Tucked into those he wore a black button-up collared shirt with his sleeves rolled up to just above his elbows. The only thing that didn't look clean was the pair of brown leather work gloves that hung from his pocket as they always seemed to. 

She took in the way the black of his boots and shirt, even his hair, clashed with his pants. Even the bike, mostly painted black except for a few places that remained in painted steel and chrome, made his lightly tanned skin stand out. Violet felt now more than ever that she should have tried harder to find something else to wear, but it was too late now.

The bike was definitely bigger than the delivery bikes they had here. The little blue bikes were built for efficiency, to conserve fuel as the country recovered from the shortages of war. Most of the post-men didn't ever use them, preferring to walk. Benedict almost always took one with him but he was one of the few who did. He'd probably take one too and from work, if Mr. Hodgins would let him. 

As Violet approached Trevor she finally spoke up, "Mr. Belle," she said softly and his vision snapped down from the building and to her eyes as he stood bolt upright. 

"Oh! Hey!" He said nervously and Violet was worried that she had surprised him. "Sorry about that I didn't really...know if you'd be coming out from the main entrance or if your room had a different exit," he laughed.

"It's fine. I saw you from my window," she pointed up to the top floor of the building and he looked back up before looking back out behind him and to the bay. 

"Wow you must have a really great view of the bay from up there," he thought aloud before looking back to her. 

"I do. It helps me think," she admitted. At first, she hadn't thought much of her living quarters but over the past few months, she'd come to enjoy the view. She wondered many times why the room hadn't been rented out already by another employee or someone else but she was very thankful it hadn't been. 

"I guess a good place to think is really important for someone who writes emotional letters all day huh?" He smiled. 

"It is," she smiled back before she sunk into a short courtesy. "Thank you for coming to pick me up."

"My pleasure," he smiled before bowing his head slightly. 

"I should...tell you something though."

"What's that?" He asked. 

"I hope it is not a problem but I...invited two of my co-workers to join us. They agreed to meet us there."

"Oh," he smiled in relief. "Yeah, that's fine. I don't mind at all."

"Thank you. I was...quite nervous."

"Hah, you aren't the only one," he chuckled before running his hand through his short black hair. 

"I'm...not?" She asked him.

"Not at all," he smiled. 

"You hide your nerves very well then Mr. Belle," she sulked. "I do not."

"Please, call me Trevor," he said softly as she looked back up just in time to see him force a small smile. He held his hand out to her though and soon his expression began to soften. "You said they are meeting us there right?"

"Yes," she remembered as she took his hand. 

"Well it would be rude to keep them waiting," he smirked a crooked smile and Violet felt her heart speed back up a bit. "You ever been on a bike before?" He asked as he led her to it. 

His seat was indeed long enough for two people but Violet was suddenly very aware that her dress might be too long to sit comfortably. "I...I have," she said. "Only a few times. And I never drove."

"Your work bikes or like military bikes?" He asked and she found herself a little surprised. Had she told him that she was in the army?

"You know I was in the army?"

"Well I just figured you were," he shrugged. "The other day when you asked about my boots you said 'we,' were all issued a pair."

She had said that, hadn't she. She looked down at the cobblestone of the sidewalk and he saw her gently begin grinding the toe of her right shoe into the stone nervously. "I have ridden on the back of military bikes yes," she answered.

"You okay?" He asked and she looked back up into his face. 

"Do you...mind that I was in the army?"

He gave her a curious look and began to slowly put two and two together. "No Violet, not at all. It's a great thing to serve your country."

Her foot stopped grinding back and forth as she exhaled a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. "Okay," she smiled softly and she saw his cheeks light up a bit red as he looked back to his bike. 

"Anyway," he shook his head. "In that dress, you might have to ride side-saddle," he said before he kicked his leg over the bike and sat down before scooting up as far as he could in the seat. He righted the bike and put up the kickstand before his foot shot down on the starter and the bike roared to life. "I'll take it easy with the speed and you can hold onto me if you need to," he smiled as he looked back to where she stood on the sidewalk. 

Violet began collecting the edges of her dress in one of her hands until she had it bunched up around her knees. She had noticed that Trevor had averted his eyes while she'd done this and she was reminded of the time that she had first met Benedict and nearly stripped naked before him. 

She leaned back and hopped up onto the seat. The bike was much taller than she thought and she counted herself lucky he had parked it right up against the curb. Violet wasn't the shortest girl around but she certainly wasn't tall. Even in her high heels she often found that she only came up to Benedict's shoulders, and Trevor was even taller than Benedict. When she'd settled into the bike and kept one hand clenched around the bunch of her dress and found a place to hook her heels into on the side of the bike so to hold her balance before Trevor felt her free hand rest on his shoulder. "Ready?" He asked as he turned his head back to see her.

Violet just nodded silently and he smirked as her grip tightened on his shoulder. He gently revved the engine up and Violet was surprised at the difference between the amount of speed and the amount of noise the bike produced. They accelerated so gently in fact that Violet almost pulled herself over as she had anticipated needing to hold on to him much tighter than she really needed to. She felt his shoulders shake a little and thought that he may be laughing to himself. She couldn't tell though over the noise of the engine and the noise of the wind blowing past them. Everywhere she looked she found people on the sidewalk watching them speed by them. 

Every time Trevor had to round a corner he gave her a warning and she would press herself into his back and lean with the bike. She couldn't help but linger there after every curve though. Compared to the cool afternoon breeze he felt so warm. She found her cheek rested on his shoulder blade more than once during the drive and she'd had to shake herself out of it to sit back up. As they drove around the city Violet watched as the sun began to sink below the horizon.

When they arrived Trevor found a spot to park the bike before stopping the engine and removing the key which he slipped into his pocket. Violet then watched as he stood and dismounted the bike, popped out the kickstand and then let the bike rest on it. He stood before Violet and held his hands out to her. "Need any help?" He asked before touching her. 

Violet nodded and was again impressed with how polite he seemed to be. She watched as he leaned in and placed his hands on her hips and she was surprised at how easily he lifted her from the bike and set her down on the sidewalk. She let go of the hem of her dress and it spread back out around her ankles as she ran her hands over it several times to dust it down. "Thank you," she smiled. 

The lamps outside the Opera House were lit and as the pair approached the large entrance doors Violet spotted Iris and Benedict, who seemed to be having a small disagreement about something from this distance. She took Trevor's hand and led him toward them and when they saw Violet coming they both stopped arguing and put on a smile. 

Benedict had indeed dressed up a little nicer than normal as Iris had requested him too. He'd found a clean white button-up that hugged him perfectly to go with his tight olive colored pants and his black heeled boots he wore every day. "Hey Violet," Iris asked as she held her hand out to her date. "Wanna introduce us?"

"Introduce…" she pondered before she thought of the introduction she had given to Trevor the second time she'd seen him. "Trevor this is Iris," she gestured, "and Benedict. They are my co-workers and friends. This is Trevor," she said as she nodded back to her date. 

Trevor held out his hand to take Iris' and before she knew it he was holding her fingers lightly and bowing his head. "Nice to meet you, Iris," he said before he let go of her and held his hand out to Benedict, who returned the favor and they shook. "And you too Benedict."

"You as well," Iris breathed out, clearly impressed. 

"Very," Benedict raised an eyebrow in surprise as well. "Show starts soon, should we head inside?" He asked as he held his arm out for Iris to hook her hand around. The three of them watched as Iris rolled her eyes and humored him by looping her hand around his wrist. 

"After you," Trevor held his hand out to Violet and she considered for a moment before she knotted her fingers between his as the four of them headed inside. 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

"So how long have you guys known each other?" Trevor spoke up as the four of them sat down in a row together. Benedict and Trevor were on the ends of their group and Violet and Iris were between them. They'd bought their tickets, which Trevor had insisted on paying for, and gotten in as most of the rest of the audience was still filing in the door. Benedict had planned on paying for himself and Iris but hadn't seemed nearly as apprehensive about Trevor paying as Iris and Violet. These tickets weren't exactly cheap and Dolls were paid handsomely for their work. 

They had relented and let him pay before they'd found these seats, in the center of a high up row so that Iris and Violet could be sure to see over the crowd. "Since she started last year. It's actually been a little over a year since then huh?" Benedict wondered aloud. 

"It has," Iris nodded. "She's come a really long way in the last year," Iris thought out loud without really thinking about her words. 

"You mean as a Doll?" Trevor asked and Iris realized what she had said. 

"Oh! Yes, she's become a very good Auto Memories Doll. That's what I meant," she laughed nervously. "What about you? We heard you work at the Belle Machining Company. They must pay you well if you can afford to pay for all of us," she continued to laugh off her slip up. 

"That's right," he answered calmly, "pays pretty good I guess yeah," he shrugged. Benedict and Iris looked at each other in confusion over his bland answer and Benedict decided to speak up. 

"What about that bike?" He asked with a smirk and Trevor's face seemed to light back up. "She's pretty beautiful."

"Oh yeah? You like it?" He asked and Violet could tell he was excited to talk about it more. 

"I'd love to take a closer look!" Benedict answered. "Sounded amazing coming down the road."

"Well you'll have to give it a go then," Trevor smirked. "I put most of it together myself. Got it tuned up right how I want it."

"I bet it's a lot faster than our work bikes," Benedict said, clearly jealous.

"Well, would you ever want to own one for yourself?" 

"Absolutely! I've been saving up for a while now actually," he admitted before Iris rolled her eyes. 

"Honestly you need something to drive too and from work. The less you walk around in those heels the better. You're not gonna have any ankles left by the time you're thirty."

All Benedict and Violet could do was laugh and Trevor even let out a chuckle himself. "Yeah I don't think I'd be able to walk in those," he said looking down to Benedict's boots. "Too clumsy for that."

"Well it takes practice," Benedict turned his nose up with pride before Iris began to laugh. 

"Oh please, you twist your ankle every other week!" She laughed.

"So how long have you two been dating anyway?" Trevor asked and Benedict and Iris froze in place before they looked to each other and both of them began to pretend to gag. 

"I would never," Iris said flatly and Benedict nodded in agreement. 

"We just came to support Violet and to see if you're a good guy," he added as the two looked away from each other again. 

"Oh, I see. Huh, totally could have fooled me," Trevor smirked and shrugged his shoulders. 

Iris huffed to herself and Violet couldn't help but let out a small smile. Before they knew it, the lights were dimmed in the theater and the orchestra was beginning to play. 

As the play began the foursome began to quiet down and after the opening ceremonies, they stopped talking altogether. Trevor became more and more suspicious of Benedict and Iris' non-relationship several times. Every time the music swelled during a tense scene he saw Iris grab for his sleeve or his pants leg and clench her hand so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Trevor laughed quietly to himself each time and tried not to interrupt anyone’s concentration. He doubted Iris was even aware that she was doing those things. 

Violet, however, seemed totally focused on the play and Trevor found that most of the time his focus was on her. He was constantly mesmerized by the lack of expression that Violet showed during all the ups and downs of the performance. He nearly forgot to clap at the end when he watched her and the rest of the audience stand to do so. Though, as she clapped along he still couldn't see a hint of emotion in her face, couldn't tell if she had loved or hated it. 

As the group walked back outside and onto the street they separated from the crowd so they could actually hear each other over the noise. "That was such a great show," Iris spoke first with her hands clasped together. "That couple has such good chemistry and it was totally believable."

"Honestly it was pretty good, plays aren't really my thing but that wasn't so bad," Benedict shrugged and Trevor finally saw a small smile spread of Violet's lips. Iris too looked surprised by Benedict's comments. "Even though I had to sit next to this one," he smirked and nodded in Iris' direction. "Thought you were gonna start crying every few minutes."

"It was an emotional story okay!?" Iris spat back at him and the group, even Violet, began to laugh. It was small, and more of a series of quiet smiles, but it was there and Trevor began to feel a little better about what she thought about the evening. "What about you Violet?" Iris began and the wave of nervousness crashed back over Trevor. Benedict too shifted his attention down to Violet's face and the group waited expectantly. 

Violet lifted her hand to her chin and seemed to be deep in thought for a moment. "I did not understand why the woman denied the man's marriage request the first time. If they were in love then why did she make him wait until he had returned from the war to marry him?"

"I think it's because she didn't want to become a widow right after getting married," Iris answered and Violet's attention turned to her. "Life can be a lot harder when the people around you know you've lost a spouse."

"A widow? So if you are married and one partner dies...why is that worse than if a member of an unmarried couple dies? If they love each other the same amount before and after marriage then does the title really matter?"

Iris sighed in defeat and had to concede that what Violet had said did make sense. "I think you're probably right Violet but I also think they were just using the situation for dramatic effect, ya know?"

"Oh I see," she nodded before speaking again. "I did enjoy the play as well," she let out before turning to Trevor. "Thank you for treating us," she said with a courteous bow and Benedict and Iris thanked him as well. 

"We really ought to get going though," Benedict said before he held his hand out to Trevor. "It was nice meeting you, make sure you get her home safe," he smiled down to Violet. 

"Will do," Trevor smiled. Iris placed her hand on Violet’s shoulder and smiled before winking to her quickly. After that, Benedict walked Iris back toward the trolley station they had come from and Trevor and Violet watched until they were out of sight. "Man those two really seem like a couple," he laughed. 

"A couple of what?" Violet asked curiously. 

"A mean like, romantically a couple," Trevor said as he raised an eyebrow and Violet realized what he meant.

"What makes you think so?" She asked. 

"Well they...bicker like a couple, but they still seem to enjoy each other's company even though they seem like very different people. I don't know maybe I'm just seeing things that aren't there," he shrugged. 

"They do bicker a lot. Do people argue a lot when they like each other?" Violet thought out loud. 

"Eh, some do," Trevor shrugged. "Some don't. You really don't know much about romance do you?" He asked as the pair walked toward his bike. They stopped at the side of the large building though and he leaned a shoulder into the stone.

"No. Not much at all honestly," she said as she looked to the pavement for a few moments before looking back up to him. "Mr. Be…" she began before pausing. "Trevor I...would like to tell you something."

"Okay?" He asked nervously. "What is it, Violet?"

"I grew up in the military. The only things I knew how to do were the things necessary to stay alive. To eat and sleep...and to fight."

"You mean like...a military family?"

"No. I have come to understand that what I was is called a child soldier…" she said softly and watched as Trevor's face quickly turned to one of concern. "I...never learned how to be a normal person until the war ended and Mr. Hodgins gave me this job. I became an Auto Memories Doll in order to help me learn how to understand other people's emotions. And while it did help with that I...still have a lot of trouble understanding my own feelings."

"...Okay," Trevor breathed out slowly as he tried to process the information without reacting to it. Violet had seen this look on other people before and she hadn't told him this for him to feel sorry for her. 

"I just...I want you to understand that I am bad at expressing my feelings properly. And that the things I say aren't meant for me to collect other people's pity. I just wish you to know that there are many things I do not understand."

"Alright, Violet I...I understand,” he said gently as he stood up straight. "I'll try to keep that in mind alright?" He asked as he held his hand out to her. "That is, assuming you are telling me this because you want to keep seeing me like this."

"Yes," she smiled. "I had a good time tonight. And I think you are very polite and...patient," she said softly. 

"Hah, well I like to think I am. But thank you for saying so," he said as she reached out and took his hand. She saw his thumb rub into the back of her palm gently and saw him go into thought again before she spoke up. 

"They are not real," she sighed.

"I thought they may not be," he smiled. "They?" He asked. "Both of your hands?"

"Up to above both of my elbows, yes."

"The war?" He asked vaguely, not sure if he was ready for the gruesome details of how exactly it happened. 

"Yes," she nodded. "Does it bother you?"

"No, not at all. Actually, I wouldn't mind taking a closer look at them sometime," he smirked. "Silver prosthetics are pretty rare cus they are so expensive. They are really amazing and I'd love to see how they work."

"Are you interested in all different kinds of machines? You like motorcycles and work in a machining position."

"Yeah I am," he smiled down to her. "Nice of you to remember," he laughed. "You ready to head home?"

"Yes," Violet bowed her head slightly before he let go of her hand and led her back to the bike. Trevor kick-started the motorbike and waited for Violet to take her position behind him, though this time he was surprised when he felt her lean into his back far more than she had on the way here. He figured she must have felt relieved about telling him more about her situation. If she had been nervous about telling him then he hadn’t been able to tell the difference, unless this was it. Once they had driven back to the CH Company he helped her down off the bike. 

"Let me know if you ever have anything you'd like to go do together alright?" He smiled. "I can think of a few things but I wouldn't mind some input," he smirked. 

"Yes sir," she gave a small smile and bowed her head to him slightly. She was surprised however when he reached out and took her hand as he had the last time he had left her, his fingers wrapped around the tips of her’s. This time, however, when he bowed he gently brought her gloved hand to his lips and she was stunned when he gently pressed his lips to the leather gloves pulled tight around her knuckles. 

"See ya around, Violet Evergarden," he smiled as he stood back up before he paced back to his bike, slung his leg over the other side and kicked up the stand. Violet watched in stunned silence as he revved the engine and a gust of wind blew through his short grey and black hair. 

As he drove away Violet felt her heart beating faster than normal again and her cheeks grew warm. "No ones ever...done that before," she breathed out in confusion. 

Violet walked through the front doors of the CH Company and was surprised to find President Hodgins in the foyer sitting at the receptionist's desk. He had a lamp beside him and was shuffling through a stack of documents. 

"Oh, good evening Violet," he smiled as he looked up from his work. As she shut the large wooden door behind her she saw him wipe his eyes out vigorously. 

"President Hodgins, good evening," she acknowledged and bowed slightly, still a little dazed from Trevor's kiss to her hand. "What are you doing?" She asked as she walked across the large room, her footsteps echoing through the quiet building. 

"Sorting through some mail that got misplaced today. I swear, that one day that we had you in the mailroom was the most accurate day we've ever had," he chuckled. 

"I could work in the mailroom in my spare time, sir," she offered but Hodgins just kept laughing. 

"No no Violet that's fine. It was just a joke," he smiled and she returned the expression. 

"Oh I see," she smiled gently. 

"So how was your night huh? Benedict told me you were going for a show?"

"It was nice," she felt her cheeks flush again and this time, in the dim light from the desk lamp, Hodgins squinted at her in disbelief. 

"Are you blushing Violet?" He smiled. "Must have been a good date."

"I...I believe it was," she said as, for the first time, her smile grew so large that it made her cheek muscles sting a bit. "Hmm," she frowned as she brought a hand up to her cheeks and rubbed her fingers into them gently. "If smiling is good then why does it hurt sometimes?"

"Well Violet, your cheeks have muscles in them just like the rest of your body. If you don't use them often enough then it can be uncomfortable to use them suddenly."

"So the more I smile...the less it will hurt?" She asked. 

"Yep, I promise it will feel nice eventually," he smirked. 

"Okay...could I help you with that?" She asked, changing the subject. She felt she'd learned enough for one week. She wasn't tired however so if she could put her mind to good use and keep herself distracted from all the things flying around in her mind then she'd be thankful. When he nodded to her she went to retrieve a second chair and pulled it up to the desk and sat on the other side of the lamp. Hodgins handed her a stack of letters and she began to sort them by street and house number in accordance with the delivery route. 

"So Cattleya told me that your date was Thomas Belle's son huh?" He asked and Violet noted a small hint of apprehension in her boss' voice. 

"Yes. He prefers to be called by his first name though. Trevor."

"That's not too surprising. I've met his father and...well he's a very...intense person. I doubt Trevor is much like his father or else you may not have such good praise for him."

"What do you mean?" She inquired, not sure what Hodgins was trying to say. She had gotten a glimpse of the way Mr. Belle ran things during her short visit at the Belle Company but she wasn't sure if that was enough to predict his entire personality. 

"Well he's...very strict and he's gone a little overboard since Trevor's brother...was lost in the war. You've come to understand how loss can affect you personally Violet but you've haven't seen how badly some people can handle it."

"Did I not handle it badly?"

"Well, I guess in comparison to some other people you've handled it quite well. You may be young and not understand everything about life yet but you are very mature for someone so young. Sure you ran away but you never took your pain out on another person."

"Another person? You mean...people treat others badly because they are angry with things beyond their control?"

"Yes that's right," he smiled softly. "And the fact that you did not do that means that yes, you handled it much better than most people."

Trevor's father's voice rang out in her head now as she thought, 'I'll deal with you later.' "And Mr. Belle he...he cannot control his anger because his son is...gone?"

"It seems that way. We've actually hired some of his past employees before and when asked about their previous jobs they've all either said he was a nightmare to work for or that they would rather not talk about it at all."

"...What should I do with this information? I am...unsure."

"Nothing Violet," he smiled and put a hand on her shoulder. "Just be aware of it. That's all."

"Yes sir," she nodded. 

"So then, what have you learned about your date anyway? Is he nice?"

"He is. Very nice. He is polite as well and he seems to be very patient. I explained to him a little about my time in the military and he seemed to understand."

"Really?" Hodgins blinked in surprise. "Well, that's good Violet. I'm happy for you," he smiled. 

He began evening out the stack of letters that the two of them had sorted and stood from the desk. "Mr. Hodgins," she said softly.

"Hm?" He hummed and looked back down at her. 

"Well...why are you working down here in the foyer instead of in your office? Or the mailroom? Would that not be simpler than bringing the letters down here and then back upstairs?"

"I suppose it would. But it's not always about efficiency Violet. Sometimes you need to slow down and enjoy what you're doing," he smiled. "I like to work out here in the foyer at night because it's peaceful. Sometimes my office can feel a bit cramped so it's nice to sit down out here and take my time. Plus," he pointed out to one of the second-floor windows and she followed his finger to the desired spot. Her eyes grew wider as she realized how wonderful a view it was. "There's a full moon tonight and that window always catches it around this time. It's nice to look at when you need a little break."

"It's beautiful," she smiled, staring up into the pale orb in the night sky. "I understand," she said breathlessly as she looked back to her boss. "Goodnight sir."

"Goodnight Violet," he smiled back and headed for the stairs. 

Violet returned her attention to the moon as she heard his footsteps fade away up the stairs. She could hear too when he came back out of the mailroom and headed up the stairs to the attic and to his own room. Violet stood and pulled the cord on the lamp to shut it off before she headed back to the front door and turned the deadbolt as she'd been taught to do if she came home late. She turned and headed up the staircase to the second floor and walked to the railing of the balcony and leaned into it. She returned her eyes to the moon from her new perch and began thinking about the journal entry she would write before bed. 

"Dear Violet," she rehearsed out loud in the silence of the massive open building. "Today I went for a double date for the first time. Having Benedict and Iris come with me, despite not actually being a couple, helped me to relieve my nerves about going out with Trevor. I shall thank them when I next see them for putting up with each other on my behalf. I told Trevor about my arms tonight, and that I was raised in the military...I did not go into very much detail but...it's a start. He seems to be very patient and for that I am thankful. He...he kissed the back of my hand tonight and I...I'm not sure what I felt. It feels a bit like nervousness but...a little different. My stomach doesn't feel as knotted up as when I was nervous about the date. I'll have to ask Cattleya about that feeling," Violet sighed out loud as she looked down at her open palms. 

"It's strange. I feel…strange. No one has ever...kissed me. Is that strange? Are kisses on the hand romantic? I've seen couples kiss each other but I...do not know if that is the same thing or...something else entirely. Are all kisses signs of desire or...can they mean different things? Also...if my hands are unable to feel then...how did his kiss make me feel so...warm?"

  
  
  



	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

"Will that be all sir?" Violet asked the man. He'd only been in their office for around twenty minutes and his letter wasn't very long, but she was thankful for the work. The Doll service had been slow lately and any amount of work was a welcome change to the monotony of writing addresses for invitations to large company functions over and over again. Of course, the other girls whined about this more than Violet, considering she didn't whine at all. She was used to monotony in her work after all. The army had been full of it and while it wasn't anywhere near the same sort of exercise she was glad for it all the same. It made the time pass much quicker than staring out of the office windows, daydreaming about things she couldn't understand. 

Daydreaming was new for Violet. She'd not had any ambitions or goals other than to follow her orders to the best of her ability back in the military. She hadn’t even dreamt while she slept. She'd had no imagination or any concept of what life was like when you weren't at war. Now that she had friends and a life of her own, she had been dreaming an awful lot lately. About all the beautiful places she'd been, or the people she'd met along the way to becoming who she was now. 

Not to mention… "Hey," Iris said, jerking Violet out of her stupor. She must have finished the letter she'd been working on because it, and the customer, were gone. Did she even say thank you to him? How long had he been gone? Iris waved her hand in front of her face and Violet blinked up at her. "You alright Violet?" Violet thought that Iris actually looked a little concerned and she cocked her head to the side before speaking. 

"I feel fine. Do I look ill?" She asked genuinely and Iris stood back up straight before she ran her hand through her short silver hair. 

"No not at all you just…you don't normally space out like that so I was just wondering if everything was okay?"

Violet just nodded and returned her vision to her hands which were lain on the desk in front of her. 

"Did something happen?" Iris asked before she pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. Erica and Cattleya weren't in the office today and it had only been the two of them doing all the menial tasks that Cattleya had laid out for them. "Did Trevor do something wrong?"

Violet turned her head a little too quickly to Iris before she spoke, "No," she said, a bit too loudly and Iris stiffened in surprise. 

"Well, then what's got you so preoccupied today Vie?" She asked before reaching out and placing a hand on top of Violet's. "You can tell me, it's okay," she smiled and Violet tried her best to take a deep breath. Her vision fell to their hands and she seemed to begin to space out again. Iris was about to speak up again before Violet finally found the words she was looking for.

"I can't feel that," she said softly. Iris gave her a confused look before she saw Violet nod with her chin toward their hands. She turned her hand over in Iris' grasp and began to run her thumb over the back of Iris' palm. "What does this feel like," Violet asked and Iris let out a sigh, finally realizing why Violet had been staring at her hands all day. 

"It's...comforting," Iris tried to explain. "It's like... trying to let someone know that you care but in a subtle way. It's hard to explain," Iris shrugged. 

"I cannot feel your hands and yet I...I felt something when Trevor held my hand and I do not understand why...or how that is possible," Violet explained as she looked back up to Iris and stopped moving her hand. 

"Well, what does it feel like?" Iris asked her. 

"A bit like...nervousness but...much less unpleasant. Instead of making my mind race it...sort of did the opposite and I could not think of anything at all. Is that...what comforting is?"

"Yeah Violet," Iris smiled softly. "People try to comfort each other in different ways when they know that someone is nervous or that they've had a hard time lately. Like if they messed up at work orrrrr if they...are missing someone they have lost," Iris said slowly and Violet began to wonder which reason it had been that Trevor had taken her hand. 

"I did not want him to pity me. That is not why I told him about my time in the army," Violet said out loud, not really sure what she expected to get back from Iris. 

"I don't think that's why he would have held your hand Violet," Iris replied.

"He did not just hold my hand he...when he dropped me off he kissed the back of my hand," she explained and watched as Iris' eyes widened. She thought she may have surprised Iris with her words, based on her co-worker's expression. "Is that different? It...it felt...very different," Violet said and she felt her cheeks warm up. 

"Yeah that's a bit different," Iris chuckled. "He did that because he likes you."

"Likes me? Do people do that with all the people they like?" Violet asked as she looked back down to Iris's hands but Iris just laughed. 

"No Violet," she tried to stifle her chuckling. "I don't mean it like that. I mean that he thinks of you romantically. He probably thought that that would be appropriate since you haven't been dating for very long, and since you explained to him that you don't know much about romance."

"Oh, I...I see…" Iris thought for a moment that she saw Violet frown and she felt her fingers tense up. 

"Violet are you sure that...you like to spend time with him?"

"I do," she said far too quickly, her vision darting over to Iris. 

"Okay," Iris said calmly. 

"I...I just think I…" Violet began before she began searching for the correct words. "I do not understand."

"Understand what?" Iris cocked an eyebrow in confusion. 

"What I have done to make him feel for me in a romantic way," Violet sighed. 

"Is that what's really bothering you?" Iris said with a soft and sweet smile as Violet nodded her head silently. "Well, Violet sometimes it doesn't take all that much to feel that way about another person. Sometimes it can be as simple as a smile."

"But I do not…" Violet began before her vision fell to her lap and she paused. "I do not smile often...or very well."

Violet was surprised when Iris began to laugh again. "That's not true Violet," Iris said and Violet watched her squeeze her hand. "You have a very pretty smile. Besides, that was just an example. Other times romance can be started by physical attraction alone or many other things. Are you upset that he thinks of you romantically?"

Violet just shook her head silently. 

"Are…" Iris started as she began to think about the one thing she knew about Violet from the very first days she'd been hired. "Are you upset because you...think of him romantically?" Iris asked as gently as she could. 

Violet didn't say or do anything for several moments. Her vision remained on their entwined hands instead. "Is it wrong of me to...think of him that way?" Violet breathed out nervously. "I…" Violet said shakily and Iris thought she may be holding back tears. 

"No Violet it isn't wrong of you to feel that way at all," Iris tried to explain and was thankful when she saw Violet take a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she was trying to calm down for her own benefit or for Iris' but Violet seemed determined to stay calm. She had told herself that the time for crying when she thought of Major Gilbert was over now. She had written that letter to him for the air show and that would be that. 

She'd stuffed all of her feelings into that one letter and sent them off so as to try and resolve the storm raging in her heart. She was hopeful that that would be the end of it, and that from now on her thoughts of him would only bring a smile to her lips. She was starting to worry that that was not going to be the case. She'd seen tons of couples out on the street, or when she went to restaurants or even to the bay to watch the ships coming and going from the port. She wasn't positive but she was pretty sure she'd felt jealous of them nearly every time.

Jealous that the people around her were able to be with the ones that they cared for...even loved, and that she could not do the same. Lately, though, the problem had shifted as Violet had been coming to grips with the fact that she may become romantically invested in Trevor. Over the last week, she'd seen him only once after work when he came to visit her and she'd been feeling strangely during the gaps between seeing him. His absence made her feel like she hadn't felt in a long while. 

She felt like she had during the first few weeks of being in the hospital. She'd tried to get up and leave several times during her stay there and it was because she'd felt the need to find the Major. To find out why he wasn't there with her or why he hadn't come to see her. When she looked back on it now she felt foolish. Only someone so completely messed up as Violet could have believed the lies the staff had told her. So she'd lain there, for over half a year, uncomfortable without the Major's company. She'd become lonely without ever knowing the word. 

She'd caught herself feeling that way while she could not see Trevor. They barely knew each other yet and she felt ashamed that she'd grown attached to somebody's presence so quickly. It had taken her several weeks to grow comfortable around the Major when he'd first taken her in. Violet didn't quite understand why, but she was upset because she thought she didn't deserve to be cared for after what she'd done in the army. Because she couldn't bury her regrets about losing Major Gilbert. 

But mostly she was upset because she was afraid that her current course of action would lead Major Gilbert to be replaced. "It is...not right to care about two people at the same time in that way...right?" She asked finally. 

Iris sighed as she realized that she had been correct about what was bothering Violet. She was worried that if she let herself get involved with Trevor that she would be somehow betraying her precious Major. Before she could answer though there was a knock at the door and a customer walked in. "Good morning," Iris plastered a smile across her lips and stood. She touched her hand to Violet's shoulder. "I'll get this one, we can talk more later okay?" She smiled gently and Violet nodded. 

Later never came though. Iris got called away for a request in town and by the time she was done with it the workday was over. They would talk more about Violet's concerns another time. Besides, Violet had plans after work today anyway. When the last work bell chimed she left the office and climbed the stairs to the attic. Once in her room, she quickly rooted around to find the banknotes she had been issued after being hired by Mr. Hodgins. She hadn't used them very often and it took her a few moments to recall where she'd stashed them. The C&H company took her rent out of her paychecks automatically every week and that fee gave her access to the kitchens and all the food stored within them so she rarely had anything to pay for. 

She found them jammed between two of the books on her shelf. Once she'd collected a few of them from the stack she folded them up and stuffed them into her right glove between its leather and her metal palm. Most people would find this uncomfortable but it didn't matter to Violet. She couldn't feel them there at all. 

When she made it back down to the foyer she found Luculia waiting for her just as she said she would. "Sorry for taking so long," Violet bowed her head slightly and Luculia just smiled. 

"Oh don't worry about it Violet," she chuckled and Violet felt a small smile creep over her lips. Luculia always made her feel better when she was down. Violet had come to understand that her red-haired friend's smile was what was called 'contagious.' It had taken Violet a bit to understand why people would compare something like a smile to a disease but she'd understood once she found it impossible not to smile back at Luculia one day. 

She seemed to light up every room she walked into and Violet often wondered what it was that made her friend so proficient at smiling. Had she practiced it? Violet had come to understand that Luculia had had a hard couple of years and yet she was always able to find a reason to smile. The letters that Violet had written between her and her brother had helped Violet to understand them both much better and to help her appreciate the few things that she did have. She had friends that cared about her despite the fact that they had only met just a year ago. 

As the pair walked down the cobblestone sidewalks of the city Luculia spoke up. "So what exactly were you looking for today anyway?"

"Well, I...I believe I could use a wallet," Violet said thoughtfully before pulling her banknotes from her glove to show Luculia. "I don't mind carrying money this way but it may damage it after a while."

"Ahah," Luculia laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Okay, that can be the first thing we try to find. What else?"

"I…" she muttered as she looked down to her Auto Memories Doll uniform, "I believe I require...less formal clothing. I only have a few plain white button-up shirts and a green skirt. I've been told it may be good to expand my wardrobe," she said and before Luculia could respond she saw Violet look her up and down. "You wear a different outfit almost every time I see you. The other Dolls at the office often wear their Doll uniforms everywhere and I'm not sure which is more common."

"Oh, well," Luculia smiled before she let out a long sigh. "I think normal is somewhere in between the two," she laughed. "My guilty pleasure is buying clothing so I have a lot of outfits. You don't need to wear something different every day. I just like to," she shrugged. "Do you only want informal clothes or would you also wanna check out some other dresses?"

"Is...there something wrong with my dress?" Violet asked as she looked herself all over for the cut bit of fabric that she figured Luculia must have spotted. 

"No!" Luculia said quickly and shook her head. "I just wanted to know if you wanted another one," she laughed out. "There's nothing wrong with your dress Violet."

"Oh," Violet sighed. "Sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"I misunderstood...I have been...misunderstanding a lot of things lately."

"Well, that just means you're branching out," Luculia smiled and took Violet's hand in her own as they kept walking. "That's a good thing. It means you're learning."

Violet had to smile. She couldn't help it. Luculia was always just so nice to her and the most consistently patient out of all of her friends. That was why she had asked her to accompany her today. She didn't know how long this trip would take. She didn't even really know what she liked or what she was specifically looking for so she needed someone patient and willing to spend a lot of time with her to help her to pick things out. "Okay."

Luculia first accompanied Violet to the bank used by the C&H Company so that she could take some actual money out of her account to try and cover what she predicted to be spending today. She stuffed the bills into her gloves and they were off. Luculia led her to a marketplace that she'd been too many times, filled with stalls much like the one the Major had bought her broach from. There were multiple stands that had small bags and wallets at them and Violet took her time to try and explain to Luculia what she liked. 

Seafoam green was her favorite color, she'd decided...well half decided really. Sky Blue was a strong contender as well. Many of the ones they found were made from leather and Violet determined that she would like one made that way. Sleek, simple, efficient and made to last. She didn't see the need for a bag like the one Luculia carried with her. It went over her shoulder with leather straps and could hold far more than anything Violet would ever consider necessary to have on hand at any given time. 

Eventually one caught her eye though and Luculia watched as her lips parted in silence. Violet rested her hand on the glass case as she stared down at it through the pane. It was about the length and width of her hands. Its color was a very bright nubuck tan, which definitely wasn't her favorite, but she did recognize the color from somewhere. Trevor's dress pants, she thought, that he'd worn to the play. The rest of it was what had caught her eye. The leather was smooth and there were flowers embroidered across it in different shades of purple with waxed thread. There were a few lilacs and lavender branches but mostly, taking up the center of the wallet, was a large violet in full bloom. 

"You like that one?" Luculia asked softly, peeking over Violet's shoulder. "It's really pretty."

The woman behind the stall came over too and looked down to where Violet was staring. "Oh you do have fine taste, my dear," she chuckled to herself. "Would you like it?"

Violet remained silent for a few moments before she nodded her head. "I believe so," was all she managed before she looked up into the woman's face. "How much is it?"

Once Violet had received her change the older woman reached into the case and pulled the wallet out before hesitating. She'd seen Violet pull her money out of her gloves and thought she should ask before doing anything else. "Would you like it wrapped up or is it fine like this?" She smiled and Violet nodded. 

"Like this is fine, thank you," she smiled a small, shy smile and the woman handed her the wallet. Luculia led her away from the stall to a nearby bench and Violet began pulling all the money out of her gloves and trying to gently place the now roughly creased bills into the folds of the wallet. It was a bit difficult at first. Her fingers weren't used to this kind of pinching motion but she could adjust them later if she needed to. 

"I think you made a good choice Violet," Luculia smiled and broke the silence between them. Violet hadn't realized she'd been so quiet, or for how long. She'd been staring at the designs and running her leather-clad fingers over them as gently as she could. "Was it because of the flowers?"

Violet nodded before she shifted her gaze over to Luculia. "Where should we go now?"

Luculia sprang to her feet and held her hand out to Violet. Violet smiled and took her hand and was quickly pulled to her feet. "There's a long line of clothing stores down the road," she smiled and began to lead Violet farther into town. 

The pair rooted around in different stores until Violet found one that she thought fit the style she was looking for. Simple things like blouses and skirts, even a few pairs of tight fitted pants like Iris usually wore. Most of them were in plain colors like white or grey, but she did find a nice sky blue blouse she'd added to her purchase to try and bring some color to the wardrobe. It had been Luculia's idea. She'd said it matched her eyes and that that was a good thing. Violet took her word for it. 

The last thing they found was a much more simple sundress than what Violet was used to. Violet hadn't liked it very much if she was being honest but she'd been encouraged to try new things. She didn't hate the way it looked. The design was pretty enough, a simple grey that hadn't been selected because she liked the color. Rather she had chosen it so that it would at the very least match and diminish the real issue she had with the garment. 

The dress had no sleeves. 

Violet didn't really understand why Luculia had suggested she get it. She didn't anticipate ever wearing it but she'd been convinced that having a simple dress was better than not in case she ever needed one. When would she need one? Violet had no idea. But, all things considered, the dress was rather cheap and she hadn't found any other dresses she particularly liked either. So this one, that showed off the parts of her that she had been encouraged to keep covered up since she'd received them,would have to do. 

Violet hadn't shown any of her friends the extent of the damage done to her body. She hadn’t found it necessary and they had never asked. They'd seen her hands of course, and she'd adjusted the gears in her elbows a few times in front of the other Dolls but that was about it. Benedict had gotten an eye full of her abdomen and nearly her chest as well when he'd told her to put on her new uniform on her first day of work so she figured he'd seen all the scars that had come with being stabbed or hit with shrapnel during combat. 

That was it though. No one she knew other than her co-workers had ever seen more than just her hands. When she'd been given Mrs. Evergarden's old gloves she'd put them on out of respect, not because she felt the need to hide her hands from the world. She'd never felt embarrassed about them until she'd seen the way people watched her type. Even then the feeling passed quickly when the people watching quickly became more fascinated by how well they worked rather than feeling sorry for her. 

Trevor had shown interest in them though. How long had he known her hands were fake? Was it from their first handshake? She'd seen signs that he was confused when he'd walked away from her one time, staring down at his hands. He was a metal worker after all. She was happy that he didn't seem worried about them and that he didn't seem to pity her as she'd requested of him but she was still a bit nervous. What if when he saw just how much of her body was ruined from conflict he decided he didn't want to see her anymore? What if he wanted a nice girl who didn't have battle scars or skeletons in her closet. A girl who hadn't killed people…

"Hey, you feeling okay?" Luculia broke Violet out of her thoughts just in time. Violet shook her head and shoulders to chase away the dark thoughts that had been crowding around her subconscious. She looked back up and smiled a little. 

"Yes," she nodded. "I have been caught daydreaming a lot lately."

"About Trevor?" A sly smile crept across Luculia's lips and Violet shrugged. 

"Sometimes yes. Not always."

"You still gotta introduce me you know?" Luculia joked.

"We could...go somewhere together?" Violet suggested but she didn't really know how to invite someone else out for a date. Trevor had told her that he could use suggestions for places they could go on dates but she'd come up with nothing over the last week. She knew what kinds of things couples did together but she wasn't entirely sure that those kinds of dates were appropriate with someone you'd just met. 

Luculia just smiled at how seriously Violet had taken her comment. 

As the pair of friends walked home Luculia did her best to lighten Violet's mood. They each had bags full of clothing slung over their shoulders. They were nearly back to the postal company when they noticed a pack of boys playing in the street. It was common around this time of day. The schools had all let out and the sun was starting to sink below the bay. Street lights were just started to come on and the boys would find an empty street to play in. 

Most of the time they would play kickball and use the street lamps as bases. There wasn't much traffic around here after dark and they would run back and forth through the street for a few hours before returning home. 

This time however they had no ball with them. Violet couldn't tell what they were doing at first but as she got closer she could make out that they each had little sticks or rocks in their hands. Some even had carved wooden toy handguns or rifles. 

She said nothing at first. As they approached the boys simply went about their business and Violet couldn't help but watch them. They were playing war. They were very young, each of them had to be around only ten years old at most. They would make popping noises with their mouths and whenever they lobbed a rock over a bench they'd make explosion noises and the boys behind the benches would duck out of the way. 

This wasn't the first time Violet had heard of children playing like this, but it was the first time she'd seen it first hand. She bit down on her lower lip to keep her mouth shut and Luculia noticed her tightly clenching her fists. "Violet?" She asked quietly. "You okay?"

She'd stopped walking and couldn't seem to pry her eyes away from the children. It's not that she wanted to say something to them, she just couldn't look away for some reason. She couldn't even hear Luculia talking right beside her. 

Then one of the boys charged out from behind a light post and into the middle of the street. Another boy popped up from behind a bench and Violet heard his pistol fire and she froze. 

The boy in the middle of the street fell forward into the mud of the battlefield, clutching at his side. The straps of Violet's bag slipped from her shoulder to the crook of her elbow before she dropped them to the ground. They splashed down into the blood and shrapnel filed dirt and ran. 

"Violet!" She thought she heard from behind her but she was already moving. She turned her head and saw one of the soldiers toss a shrapnel grenade toward the young man on the ground and she dove on top of him to shield him from the blast. Her hands and knees stung and she thought there must be rocks underneath all the mud of the terrain. 

Several moments went by and yet...the blast never came. 'A dud?' she thought to herself as she looked around and saw all the soldiers staring back at her with confused looks on their faces. Their guns and knives were down at their sides. Violet's fists clenched up and she moved to stand from the soldier she was covering. Instead, she felt resistance as she moved to stand and she tripped as if over her own shoelaces. She looked down and found she was wearing a dress instead of her standard army uniform. Wedged heels rather than her boots planted firmly on top of the hem of the dress, pinning her to the ground. Why would she come to a battle dressed like this?

Before she could find her answer she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Violet!" She heard again and whirled around, hands still clenched to defend herself but when she turned she found Luculia staring down at her. "Violet it's okay!" She said quickly and put her hands up, palms open as if to show her she wasn't a threat. 

"What are you doing out here?" Violet asked, clearly confused. Luculia wasn't a soldier. Why would she be out on this battlefield in a sundress? 

"Violet just...just breath okay?" She asked her sweetly and Violet could tell that Luculia seemed scared. She should be scared, after all, they were surrounded by men with guns. "It was just a toy," she said as she motioned for one of the soldiers to come over and join them. He did as he was beckoned and Violet tensed up as she backed away slowly on her hands and backside. When the soldier made it to them he handed Luculia his weapon and she held it out to Violet. "Look, it's just a toy," she said and Violet hesitantly took the gun from her. She looked it over quickly and when she tried to pull the trigger, she found that it made a noise but no bullet came out. A loud pop came from within the mechanism but that was it. 

When she looked back up to the soldier she found a young boy staring back at her. She looked around. They were all just children. She looked down and found that her dress had ripped when she'd hit the stone of the road and she shook her head violently. 

"I saw...I thought he was," she tried to explain as she looked down to the boy she'd jumped on top of and found him looking over at her with confusion plastered all over his face. They were all staring at her. 

Violet's heartbeat was pounding in her ears and she could barely hear any of them speaking. Her breath was fast and shallow and the more she looked around herself the more dizzy she became. "I," she began but became distracted by the black spots crowding around Luculia's face. "What," she breathed as she felt her throat run dry and she began to gasp for air. 

Until finally, the world around her began to swim and she felt nothing at all. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

When she woke up, Violet found she was in her bedroom. She felt desperately thirsty and sick to her stomach. Her head was pounding too and she quickly became aware that her knee caps were stinging. As she began to shift around and groan she heard a voice coming from the direction of her desk. "Take it slow Violet," she heard as the person stood, heels clacking across the wooden floor. 

"Iris?" She asked without opening her eyes. She thought she recognized the voice but it was a bit hard to hear it through her headache. "Where am I?"

"In your bedroom," she answered and sat down on the mattress beside her. "It's okay just relax…" she said and pressed the back of her palm to Violet's forehead. 

"What happened...I...I saw…" she really wasn't sure what she'd seen if she was being honest with herself. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before and she didn't know what to call it. She didn't even know how to describe it without sounding like a crazy person. 

"You...we don't know. Luculia said you were fine and then when you saw those boys playing you just...took off."

"I thought I saw one of them...get shot," she recalled and tried to sit up but Iris held her hand against her shoulder to keep her down. 

"Please just rest Violet...this could be serious...if you need something I'll go get it for you." Iris sounded sad. She hadn't heard her speak in this tone of voice since their first job together. When she'd told Violet why she was upset after her birthday party. 

"...Water," Violet finally asked. "Please…" she added quickly and she felt Iris tap her shoulder lightly. 

"I'll be right back okay? Stay there," she said as she stood and headed for the door. "We have a doctor coming to see you. He should be here soon."

"Okay," Violet answered and for a moment she felt the urge to sit bolt upright and salute Iris. She was able to suppress the urge though, thinking that if she jolted up that fast right now she might throw up. 

Thankfully Iris had been right and when she returned with a glass of water she also had the doctor in tow. Luculia and the boys had helped carry Violet and her bags up the hill to the postal company and from there Benedict and Mr. Hodgins had carried her up to her room. Luculia had wanted to stay but they'd agreed to call her and let her know Violet was okay as soon as she woke up. Iris had gotten back late from a house call and they had shown up right when she was stopping by to drop off her type-writer and the letter she'd written. 

She'd offered to stay and watch her so that the President could get back to work and Benedict could go home. He'd stayed though. He didn't want to crowd around Violet so she wouldn't feel overwhelmed when she woke up so he'd stayed out in the hall. He was in her room now with the doctor and Iris. Her co-workers sat at her desk, Benedict leaning on her desk while Iris took the chair and the doctor sat on the edge of her bed. 

He listened to her heart and she explained her symptoms to him as best she could before he'd asked her what she'd seen. 

"I...the boy pretended to be hit and I...thought he had actually been shot. The boys appeared to be real soldiers and as if they were actually fighting…" she explained and saw Iris and Benedict look at each other with fearful expressions before they looked back to her. 

"I'm told you dove on top of the boy to protect him. That right?" He asked her and looked to where her knees were covered in cloths tied up and full of ice. She nodded her head silently. 

"Well it sounds to me like you had a post-stress attack," he sighed and stood from the bed. 

"Post...stress?" She asked. 

"Post-traumatic stress, yes. The stress of war can cause hallucinations and panic attacks. That's why you fainted afterward," he explained and began packing his tools back into his bag. 

"Well...what can we do about it?" Iris asked, her voice shaky. 

"There's not much of anything to do," he said solemnly. "Thousands of soldiers have come home to a world that they are no longer accustomed to. Talk about your problems and let the people who care about you help you. That's all there is to do," he said and headed for the door. 

"That's it?!" Benedict yelled after the man as he stood from the desk but the man just kept walking. Soon the door was shut behind him and the three were alone in the silence of Violet's room. 

"What is...stress?" Violet finally spoke up and Benedict's eyes dropped the floor. Iris stood and walked back to the bed so she could sit next to Violet. 

She pushed herself up using her hands and leaned back against the bed frame so she could sit up. "Violet stress is...it's very complicated...when things make you nervous or...jealous or sad or angry...all those things create stress. You...when you were stopping that train you refused to kill any of the soldiers who were trying to blow up the bridge," she said and Violet's eyes dropped to her hands. "Why did you hold back like that?"

"Because I didn't want to hurt them," her voice was small now, like a child's. "I do not wish to kill anyone ever again…"

"Right," Iris tried to smile as she took one of Violet's hands in her own. "Because you're a good person. But that's why you were so concerned that you didn't deserve to live or to keep being a Doll...or if you deserved to be loved...because of the things the war made you do."

"But...but I did those things…" Violet began and Iris felt her fingers tense up and could see that Violet was fighting back tears. "I killed all those people," she sobbed and before Iris could reply she heard the door slam behind her. She looked back to find that Benedict was gone and she grit her teeth together to try and keep her composure. She'd deal with him later. She turned back to Violet and took a deep breath. 

"That's what I mean...that's where your stress comes from. When you bottle things up and let your fear control your actions...that's what causes these kinds of panic attacks. It's like...feeling too many negative emotions at once," she tried to explain. She wasn't quite sure that that was really how it worked but this was Violet she was talking to. She had to put it in terms that she would understand. "Your mind will liken what you are feeling to things you've felt in your past and before you know it the events of your past will take over your thoughts and you'll get overwhelmed. Especially when you aren't happy about the things that happened in the past."

Violet was quiet for a while and Iris could see her sniffling and how her lips were pressed into a thin and tight line. "Vie it's okay to cry…" she smiled but Violet growled in response.

"I do not wish to cry anymore!" She answered too quickly and too loudly and Iris jumped a little. "I wrote that letter so I could let go of my sadness and move on and it didn't work!" She kept yelling. "I-!" She began again but Iris yanked her forward and pressed Violet's face gently into her shoulder. One of her hands threaded through Violet's long blonde hair while the other began to gently run up and down her back. 

"I get it, Violet...I understand how you feel. I don't like to cry either. Nobody does. But holding in your tears isn't going to help anybody...especially you."

She could feel Violet's shoulders trembling and when Violet began rubbing her face into Iris' shoulder she could feel the tears soaking through her shirt. She ran her thumb over the back of Violet's head and shut her eyes as she felt Violet's thread under hers and around her back. The metal joints of her elbows pinched at Iris' sides a little but it was worth not complaining about it. 

"We are here for you Violet...so don't hesitate to talk to us okay? I'm sorry I had to leave earlier."

"Don't apologize for doing your job," Violet sobbed and Iris felt her metal fingers digging into the muscles of her back lightly. She'd never seen Violet hug another person before and she figured she may never have. She probably didn't know how gentle to be, not to mention she couldn't feel how tightly she was holding onto Iris. 

"Okay," she sighed with a soft smile. "You're right. Still, you can always talk to me about this kind of stuff okay?"

She felt Violet nod against her shoulder lightly without saying a word. They stayed there like that for several minutes before Violet's tears dried up and she pulled back from Iris. Iris let her go and sat back up straight. "I'm sorry I've kept you here so late…" Violet muttered but Iris waved her hand absently. 

"Don't worry about it Vie it's okay," she said as she stood from the bed. "It's Friday and I don't have anywhere else to be," she shrugged. "Are you hungry? I'll bring you something from the kitchen if you want?" Violet nodded softly as her cheeks lit up pink. Iris knew she didn't want help but she was glad that Violet was willing to accept it anyway. "Anything specific?" She asked. 

"No...whatever you can be bothered to make is more than enough," she answered shyly. 

Violet wasn't a picky eater, after all, Iris knew this. If she could eat military rations without complaining she could eat anything. Iris turned to the door but before she had a chance to leave she heard Violet speak up again. 

"Thank you, Iris," she breathed out softly and Iris barely made out the words. 

"You're welcome," she smiled back over her shoulder and pulled the door open, only to freeze in place for a moment when she turned back around to face the hallway. 

Benedict was there, leaning up against the far wall with his head down and fists clenched. Iris' smile ran from her lips as she had to bite down on her lower lip to keep from saying anything. She walked out into the hallway and gently shut Violet's door. "What are you doing out here," she demanded. 

"Sorry I…," he said through gritted teeth. "I needed to cool off," he admitted and she walked across the hall to him and shoved her pointer finger in his chest. 

"Why did you have to slam her door like that?!" She half yelled and half-whispered. "She needs her friends right now and you go and do that?!"

"I know!" He said, pushes her hand away from him and looked up into her eyes. "I just!" He began but trailed off. Iris could see that his eyes were bloodshot and there were dried tears stained on his cheeks. "You handled it a lot better than I could've…" he finally finished and let his head drop back down. 

Iris didn't know if it was because of the way she had just soothed Violet, or because she now knew that Benedict cared so much, or that she'd seen his tear-stained face but she found herself taking another step forward. She stepped between his spread feet, rose her arms up, threaded her fingers through his hair and let him rest the crown of his head on her chest. "She would have appreciated that you had stayed...crying or not…" she was surprised at how gentle her own voice. 

The pair stood like that for a long while before Iris realized she'd promised Violet food. "Come with me," she said as she reached down and took his hand. 

"Where?" He asked as she began leading him down the hall toward the stairs. 

"I'm gonna make Violet some dinner and you're going to help me," she mused and winked back at him. 

"Wha...why me?" 

"Because that's how you can make it up to me that you ran out of there," she smirked. "Besides you must be hungry by now too right? You've been doing deliveries all day."

"Well...what about you?" He mumbled. "You came back late from a house call right?"

"We can cook for the three of us. Given what happened...I doubt Mr. Hodgins will mind much."

"I'm sure," Benedict sighed and let himself be dragged down to the main floor and the kitchens in the back. Once they had decided on doing something simple, sandwiches for all of them, they searched all over for the ingredients before they set to work. 

"Hey did we ever find out how old Trevor is?" Iris asked as she started slicing bread while Benedict sliced up some meat and cheese. 

"No I don't think so…" he murmured. 

"Damn. I hope he isn't too old for her…" 

"I mean, how old is too old?" Benedict shrugged. "How old are you?"

"Uh! Never ask a woman her age!" She scolded him and he couldn't hold back his laughter. 

"Oh please," he chuckled. "Fine, I'll go first. I'm twenty-two," he rattled off like it was nothing and she huffed. 

"I'm nineteen okay…" she whispered and he laughed again. 

"Why was that so hard?"

"Because I don't want people to think of me as a kid!" She replied hastily. 

"Then don't act like a kid," Benedict shrugged. She was about to yell at him when he spoke again. "You seemed plenty grown up in Violet's room just now if you ask me…"

Iris' words caught in her throat and she was thankful she'd been able to choke them down. That had actually been...kind of nice of Benedict to say? "Well…thank you...I guess…"

"It's obvious that you really care about her…"

"I do she's...she's just so sweet and she tries so hard. I didn't like her at all at first but she's really grown on me...like a little sister kind of…"

"Ahah, well she wasn't a very easy person to get attached too at first. I wouldn't blame that on you. But you're right she...she really does grow on you," he said thoughtfully. 

"She is still a kid though. Not just physically but...mentally too. There's so many things she missed out on. She could be...maybe seventeen at the most right now but...while she's very mature she hasn't learned basic things about her emotions. It's awful…" she whispered and Benedict saw that her hands were shaking. "It isn't fair," she growled out quietly before she felt him rest one gloved hand on her's. "Huh," she jumped and looked over to find him standing beside her. 

"She'll be fine," he smiled down to her and she locked eyes with him. Her hands stopped shaking and he saw how her shoulders and arms relaxed. But she was still staring at him, her big grey eyes connected to his bright blue ones. "She's got us right?" 

Iris didn't say anything though. Instead, he watched as she leaned in and pushed herself up on the tips of the toes of her heels and he froze in place as she pressed her lips to his cheek. When her heels returned to the floor she found him standing in stunned silence, his cheeks lit up bright red. After a moment she realized she'd gotten carried away by his words and she froze too. Her cheeks soon matched his as she raised her free hand to her lips and covered her mouth. 

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, I got carried away I didn't mean t-" she began to ramble but lost the rest of her sentence when she felt him take her wrist. He moved her hand away from her mouth, and in only a moment, it became replaced with his lips. His eyes were closed tight but hers were wide open in shock. It was several seconds before she let out the rest of her breath through her nose, let her eyes flutter shut, and let her lips relax against his. 

The pair hadn't expected to enjoy their double date with Violet and Trevor but the truth was that they really had. Benedict had walked her all the way home that night and they'd had lunch at work together every day since. She didn't think much of it if she was being honest. She just thought that caring about Violet was the only thing that they had in common. While that remained to be seen the truth seemed to be that somewhere along the way they had formed their own attachment to each other. She'd moved first after all. Even if it was an impulse, she'd kissed his cheek first. 

His hand relaxed from her wrist and fell to her shoulder while his other hand held hers in place on the countertop. Her free hand went to his shirt, grabbing onto the fabric on his chest and balling it up in her fist so she could pull him to her. 

She never imagined kissing him would feel like this. She hadn't imagined it at all if she was being honest. Her daydreams had never once included Benedict in any capacity. Her first kiss was supposed to be with a well-dressed man who treated her like a princess, not the sarcastic mail boy down the hall. 

She couldn't deny it though. No matter how much she wanted to say otherwise...kissing him felt great. 

When they finally broke the kiss they were nearly out of breath and their chests were rising and falling with each one they took now. 

"Sorry if…" he began, a little stumped for words. "If I misread that I thought-" he said as he let go of her but she shook her head quickly.

"No! That was…" she started loudly but tried to calm herself. "You didn't," she said as she turned back to what she was doing and let go of him. 

She heard him snort through his nose and could practically hear the smirk spread across his lips. "Alright," he said softly and picked his knife back up and got back to work. He wasn't entirely sure but he thought, more than once, that he saw her licking her lips in silence while they worked and the red tinge never left her face. 

When they finally returned to Violet's bedroom they made themselves comfortable with her on the mattress, leaning their backs against the wall to the left of her bed while she sat as she had before, against the headboard. She'd thanked them many times, to the point where they'd had to tell her that they didn't mind at all. Of course, they didn't tell her what had taken them so long. They weren't even sure what to say about it to each other, nevermind to Violet. Now wasn't the right time. 

They'd have to take time to figure it out themselves first. They did their best to not seem awkward or different and in the end, it seemed to them that Violet couldn't tell the difference. 

When the trio had finished eating Iris and Benedict said goodnight to Violet and left her to rest, taking all the trash and dishes back down to the kitchen. They were silent for most of the time, neither one really sure what to say exactly. 

Eventually, after they finished cleaning up after themselves they headed for the front door. "I'll uh...I'll walk you home?" Benedict suggested and Iris shook her head. 

"I appreciate it but I think I'd like to have some time to myself to think…" 

"Alright," he scratched the back of his head. He wasn't sure if he'd done something wrong but Iris had been smiling when she'd denied him. Maybe she really did just want to walk alone tonight. "Well it's late so don't…" he began but paused when she looked up at him. "Just be safe alright?"

Iris nodded with a shy smile. "You too, goodnight."

"Night," he smiled and the pair went their separate ways, down the different streets to their apartments. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

In the cool breeze of the night, Iris tried her best to begin to sort through her thoughts. It had been a long day. One of the longer days she'd had working here in Leiden. She'd been able to see that something was bothering Violet all morning and when she'd finally gotten up the guts and found an opportunity to talk to her about it they hadn't had time to finish their conversation. She'd been called away after that and the customer she'd been commissioned by had been extremely slow at telling her what he wanted this letter to be. 

She'd had to write several drafts of it before he finally settled on what he really wanted it to be about. She had become pretty proficient by this point at reading people's feelings and figuring out what they really wanted to say, but some people just couldn't be read. 

Some people's minds were such a mess and their words were so misleading that it slowed her down a lot and left her guessing. When she'd finally finished she'd gotten back to the company almost at dark and Violet was being carried through the building unconscious. Her first instinct was to assume that she'd overworked herself and finally collapse. She'd been anticipating that outcome since the second week she'd known Violet. She never took breaks and she never slowed down and Iris knew eventually it would get to her, military training or not. 

But when she'd seen and heard how much of a rush and how panicked Benedict and Mr. Hodgins' voices and actions had been, to get Violet to her room, she'd become worried. Then she'd noticed that her dress was ripped and her knees were bleeding and Iris didn't know what to think. Had she tripped? Had someone attacked her? Not likely, Violet could defend herself from any threat she could ever possibly run into in this town. It'd take ten men and a hell of a surprise attack to hurt Violet like that. 

Shed found Luculia staring up at them as they brought her up the stairs and asked if she knew what happened. Only then did she get some idea of why they were in such a rush. She'd taken Violet's bags up to her room and ran back downstairs to get cloths and ice for her bloody knees. They weren't scratched up too bad, nothing permanent but still, it had to hurt. Violet didn't half-ass anything. She'd dove on that boy like she really thought it would save his life, with no regard for her own well being. 

Iris had often found herself a little jealous of that little detail. Violet's confidence. She didn't really understand what it meant to feel embarrassed. She would try anything for anybody and Iris had decided very early on that if she was going to learn anything from her new co-worker it's that she needed to be more open to trying new things. 

If she hadn't, she wouldn't have had her first kiss tonight...what was she supposed to do now? Were they a thing? She hadn't hated kissing him...she had in fact rather liked it. Liked it a little too much she thought. She'd let him do all the work. She figured he must have kissed somebody before her because he seemed to know what he was doing. It wasn't the picture-perfect, romantic first kiss she'd been dreaming of but she certainly didn't regret it. The only problem was that she'd never made it this far. She didn't know what to do next. Were they supposed to keep going as they had been or were things supposed to escalate now?

How long until they were putting labels on this? How long until they were going on dates without their other friends around. How long until she could kiss him again…

Iris shook the thought from her head. Her face was on fire. She smacked her hands gently into her cheeks and held them there for a moment as she tried to focus her attention elsewhere. Her heels clacked along the cobblestone sidewalks until she finally reached her building. 

She turned her key in the lock in the front door and climbed the stairs up to the third floor where she jammed her key in the lock of her door and went inside, re-locking the door behind her.

Iris leaned back against the door for a moment and let out a long sigh, trying to purge all the stress that the day had built up inside her. Her apartment wasn't big. Only three rooms. The front room had a half kitchen but most of the space was occupied by the sitting room where an old Navy blue two-seater couch sat facing the large windows of the front of the building. There was a small wooden coffee table in front of the couch against the wall below the two windows with a small television set and more than one empty coffee mug she'd been too lazy to put in the sink. Her bedroom door was on the back wall beside the door to her small bathroom. 

She needed a shower. Badly. 

She dropped her keys on the coffee table and left her heels on a matt by the door before she padded to the bathroom and flicked the lights on. She had a small stand up shower, a small sink, and a toilet. Nothing luxurious about them. She ran the hot water in the shower and began to strip off her Doll uniform. 

She stood there, staring back at herself in the mirror above the sink for a while, her thoughts dwelling on her shape as they often did. 

She didn't hate her body. Far from it. But when you work with a woman shaped like Cattleya you tend to become a little self-conscious. Well, unless your name just happens to be Violet Evergarden anyway. She doubted Violet even understood what sexuality was, let alone that men typically preferred certain body types to others. Cattleya had that body type. Iris, most certainly, did not. 

She'd thought for a long time that the boy she'd grown up within her hometown that she'd had a crush on and confessed to, denied her because of her boyish figure. She'd grown since then, obviously, but not as much as she'd hoped for. She was nearly twenty years old now and she hadn't grown in quite some time. She was thin and lean and while she liked the shape of her legs and hips and stomach she'd always been disappointed with her upper body. 

All the women in her family were far more endowed than she was and she hated it. Finally, she recalled the water was running and opened the glass door and stepped into the hot water. The door shut behind her and she let the water run down her back first. She rested her shoulder against the porcelain wall returned to her thoughts. Her arms wrapped around her abdomen and she tried to focus her thoughts away from herself. 

When she'd finally finished in the shower she dried herself off and combed through her hair so it wouldn't have knots in it in the morning. She moved to her bedroom and pulled on her pajamas before moving to the couch in the living room. 

This was the only good thing about her apartment. It wasn't very close to work, it wasn't very big, and while it wasn't very expensive it wasn't exactly overly cheap either. 

The large windows in the front room let the moonlight into her sitting room in a beautiful way though. The way the soft white light lit up all the dust in the air, the way it glared through the windows and softly lit up the entire room. Every night she would sit here on the couch with her feet up, knees against her chest and read from whatever book she was currently on. 

She hadn't read much for fun before this job. Over the course of the last year though Erica had gotten her into it and she had found it very relaxing. It helped her get to sleep and forget about the narrative of her own life for a while. Erica had gotten her into sappy romance novels but she also had found out she enjoyed slow-burning mysteries too. 

It wasn't that late, not in the grand scheme of things, and it was Friday after all. She'd have plenty of time to sort through her feelings over the weekend so for now, she would be more than happy to get lost in this book. Anything to distract her from how lonely her lips felt right now. 

//

Iris woke to the sunlight shining in through the window into her eyes. She felt so much more drowsy than normal and she rolled over to escape the light, only to realize she'd fallen asleep on the couch. No wonder she had rolled around so restlessly and been cold all night. She didn't even remember going to bed. She must have been more exhausted than she'd realized. 

She groaned, sitting up on the couch as she wiped the sleep from her eyes and looked around. She must have given up reading before she'd passed out because her book was right where she'd expect it to be, on the floor in front of the couch with the bookmark right where it was supposed to be. She stood and set the book down on the coffee table before she moved to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and a muffin from a tin on her counter. 

She kept herself stocked up on baked goods for breakfast from the little bakery down the street because she could never be bothered to make anything herself, not to mention she didn't really have the space necessary for baking. 

She set her glass of water down on the floor in front of the couch and her muffin on one of the cushions before she walked over and flipped one of the knobs on the front of the TV to 'on.' Next, she twisted the second knob to the channel she often let play in the background on Saturday mornings. Black and White cartoons ran all day on this channel and they ranged from musically themed to short adventure stories. Iris knew they were mainly for children but she didn't care. They were pretty funny and the only other thing on this early on a Saturday was going to be the news and she didn't need to hear that. 

She took her seat and began to munch on her breakfast. She was focused on the show at first but after a while, her thoughts began to stray. She was going to be home all weekend, alone. She'd neglected to make any plans with anyone and now she was regretting it. She'd wanted a little quiet time this weekend but now that she'd kissed Benedict she didn't know what to think. Part of her wanted space but the other wanted to see how he'd felt about what had happened. She was going to be stuck inside, alone with her panicked thoughts all weekend...unless…

What if she just went to keep Violet company? Knowing Violet though she was probably already out of bed and trying to get an appointment to get her dress fixed. Not to mention that if she wasn't, Iris would walk up to the building and find herself locked out. She didn't have a key. Only Hodgins and Violet did. She'd have to get lucky to run into her. Maybe she could just go for a walk? It seemed to be a nice day after all.

'Wait a minute,' she thought to herself before she sprang up from the couch. "Oh gosh, we were supposed to call Luculia when Vie woke up!" She gasped. "Ugh, she's probably worried sick!" Iris ran to her bedroom and pulled on a fitted, white button-up shirt and pair of straight fit old work pants. She'd had a phone but she didn't know Luculia's number. She did know where she lived though as she and Violet had hung out at her home before. She slipped on a pair of flats and headed out and down the stairs and into the street. She wasn't about to run but she was walking much faster than she normally would. She had a job. She had a mission and letting herself focus on that job would quiet the rest of the thoughts flying around in her head. 

This is just what she needed. She could waste a few hours not thinking about everything that had happened yesterday. She could focus on Violet's problems instead of her own. Any distraction was a welcome one at this point. She made her way to Luculia's house and by the time she knocked on the door, it was late morning. When she answered the door Iris gave a sigh of relief. "Oh Iris," she seemed happy enough to see her but her expression was quickly taken over by worry. 

"Hey sorry we forgot to call you last night," Iris smiled shyly and rubbed her hand against the back of her head.

"How's Violet?"

"She's okay," Iris' smile softened. "I just came over to tell you that she woke up after about an hour of laying down. She'll be okay."

"Oh thank God," Luculia's sighed heavily. "I've been worried sick." 

"Sorry for making you wait till morning to find out. The doctor's said she had a post-traumatic stress episode...she really thought that those boys were soldiers apparently. She hallucinated that she was back in the war." 

"I thought that that might have been what happened...my brother has told me about a few of his friends that have experienced those kinds of episodes. Oh, sorry I'm being rude," she blushed. "Would you like to come in?" 

Iris put her hands up though and gently shook her head, "thanks but I actually just came by to tell you that. I was gonna check on her or just go for a walk or something."

"Okay, well thanks for stopping by to tell me," Luculia smiled brightly. The smile soon faded though and she lifted a finger to her lips in thought. 

"What is it?"

"Well, I...I wonder if somebody should tell Trevor?" Iris blinked silently as her thoughts began to race before she gave out a long and heavy sigh. 

"Uuggghhhhhh I forgot about thaaaaattttt...I'll go find him," she grumbled. She had forgotten all about Trevor. Luculia and Iris said their goodbyes and Iris took back to the sidewalk headed...well she didn't really know where if she was being honest. 

She knew where the Belle Company was but she doubted he'd be there on a Saturday morning like this. It was her only lead though. She didn't know where he lived or where he liked to spend his free time. It was her only shot. She headed through the city streets until she found her way to the large industrial building and she could tell from the street that they were busy. The windows were covered in dust but she could hear the machines whirring from outside. Iris hesitated. 

What if Violet didn't want him to know? Was it really her place to be telling Trevor about Violet's problems? She just wanted to let him know that she wasn't avoiding him. Maybe she could just tell him that and not explain too deeply about the episode she'd had?

She went in the main entrance and up to the receptionist's desk where an older woman sat tapping a pen on a pad of paper, lost in thought. Iris cleared her throat. 

"Oh," the woman looked up to her and smiled at her. Iris knew the feeling. She too had trained herself to be ready to plaster a fake but convincing smile on her face at a moment's notice. "Good afternoon dear how can I help you?"

"Good morning," Iris smiled back. "I was wondering if Trevor Belle was here this morning?"

"Well I would expect so," she shrugged. "Why may I ask?"

"Well, I just need to tell him something. Last night something happened and he deserves to know about it."

"I can have him come up from the shop then, shouldn't be a problem," she gave Iris a bright smile before she seemed to look her up and down. 

The woman headed out and pointed to a few chairs that Iris could pick from before she disappeared. When she came back she sat at her desk. "He's in the middle of a part, he'll be right up in a few minutes. 

"Thank you," Iris sighed and returned her vision to her hands. 

Sure enough, after a few minutes, Trevor came into the room from the door the woman had gone through to get him from the shop. He seemed a bit confused but she was thankful when he gave a genuine smile. "Morning Iris, what's up?" He asked as she stood up. 

"Good morning," she bowed her head slightly, "Uhm can I...talk to you in private somewhere?" Iris said shyly. She hadn't had a conversation with Trevor alone yet so she wasn't really sure how to act. She knew he was a pretty laid back guy but that didn't mean that she should leave a bad impression. 

"Yeah sure," he shrugged in confusion and led her out onto the sidewalk, holding the door for her on the way. Once back out in the sunlight with no one around Iris let go of a long breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "So? What is it?" He asked patiently. 

"Well...I'm not really sure how to say this to you…"

She saw a wave of worry pass over his face. "Gonna assume this has something to do with Violet…"

"Oh yeah but don't worry," Iris panicked and put her hand on his arm. "It's nothing like what you're probably thinking. I'm just...I'm not sure that I should be the one to tell you about it," she sighed. "It's not about the two of you dating."

"Oh?" He cocked an eyebrow and she saw him take a deep and calming breath. "Okay well...why can't you tell me? You're making me really nervous," he smirked his crooked smile and Iris gave a nervous laugh. 

"I'm sorry...I just...I think you deserve to know this but I'm not sure if Violet would want to tell you...you know it's...not really my business but she might not want you to worry."

"Worry? Did she get hurt?" He guessed and Iris thought the answer was probably written all over her face. 

"Violet…" she began softly before she became a little lost in Trevor's worried expression. "She's uhm...she's going to be resting all weekend she...over-exerted herself at work."

"Oh," she saw him sigh as the guilt began to rise within her. "So you just want me to give her space for a while yeah?"

"Ye...yeah," Iris nodded solemnly. "Just for a few days. She really needs to relax."

"Okay," he shrugged with a smile. "Man you really had me going there for a minute," she saw him scratch his fingers through his short black and grey hair. 

"Sorry...about that," she said as she tried to force a smile. It was only then that, while watching his hands threading through his hair she noticed that two of them were wrapped up in a cast. His middle and ring fingers were wrapped up tightly and the tips of them were a little more purple and swollen than his other fingers. "Hey what happened to your hand?" She asked quietly. 

"Hm?" He asked before looking to his own hand as she pointed to it. "Oh! Nothing, nothing I just dropped a part on them," he shrugged and Iris thought that now he might be the one giving her a fake smile. "It happens. I'm lucky I still have all of them, to be honest."

"Oh...okay well, be careful then," Iris sighed. "Sorry for making you worry. I'll let you get back to work."

"Hah, well thanks for the distraction. Gets pretty boring in there sometimes. And thanks for the warning," he smiled and headed back to the door. "See you around."

"See you…" she sighed and waved gently to him. As soon as he was back in the building her palms were against her face and she was grumbling to herself. Why had she lied to him? She hadn't meant to. It had just sort of...come out without her thinking about it. She turned and headed back towards home. She needed lunch. If Violet wanted him to know then she'd tell him. It wasn't her place to be telling him Violet's business. It was for the best that she hadn't told him the truth. At least that was what she was going to try and convince herself of. 

Once she had grabbed lunch for two she headed toward work and when she came up to the large building she found the front doors propped wide open. Once inside she found Hodgins sweeping the wooden floors and she had to laugh. There was music playing from a record player that had been set up on the receptionists' desk. "Don't we have employees for that?" He jumped and Iris kept laughing quietly. 

"Oh, Iris," he sighed in relief. "Yes well, it's a nice day and I've got nothing better to do right now."

"I brought some lunch...do you know if Violet ate anything yet?" She asked timidly and showed him the bags of food. Before he could answer though she heard footsteps on the wooden stairs. 

"I have not," she heard and looked up to where the footsteps had been coming from. It was Violet. Iris' lips parted in surprise and silent awe as her eyes widened at the sight of her. 

She was wearing a grey sundress that Iris had never seen her wear before. The straps were thin and it frilled out just a little at the bottom where it ended just past the middle of her thighs. She wore the black tights she usually wore with her green skirt and Iris figured it was either out of habit or that she was using them to cover up the cuts on her knees. Her long blonde hair was up in a ponytail to keep it off of her shoulders and the dress flattered her well. She looked great but that wasn't what Iris was surprised about. 

The dress had no sleeves. 

She'd seen up to Violet's elbows a few times when she had to adjust the gears in them but she'd never known just how high up the silver devices went. The grey of the dress nearly matched the silver of her arms perfectly and from the way that Violet had her arms folded across her abdomen, she thought she may be a bit self-conscious about them. Iris shook her head and tried to refocus. "What are you doing out of bed Vie? You should be resting."

"I feel fine," she said as she moved to the last staircase and headed down to the main floor. 

"You...when did you buy that dress?"

"Yesterday. I didn't really like it but Luculia insisted I should try it out." Iris could tell the younger girl was nervous as she stopped in front of her and the blonde's vision dropped to the ground and her cheeks lit up pink. "I saw you coming from my bedroom window and I just happened to be trying it on so...what do you think?"

"I think it's beautiful," Iris said softly without really thinking. "You look very pretty," she said as she reached out and set her hand on Violet's shoulder. 

"R..really?" She asked as she looked back up at Iris. "But my...my arms," she said quietly and held them out in front of her. "Won't people think they are...ugly?"

"If they don't like them then that's their problem," Iris smiled brightly. "Not yours Violet."

Iris watched as a small shy smile crept over Violet's soft pink lips. "Thank you. Did you really...bring me lunch?"

"Yep, I wanted to check on you but also there's...something I should tell you."

"What is it?" 

"Come on let's...go sit down first," she said nervously. Once the pair had found a table to sit at Iris handed out the lunch she'd gotten. Hot soups with fresh breadsticks. "So I...I went by and told Luculia that you were okay. We forgot to call her last night."

"Oh, thank you. I forgot to ask you to call her."

"Well, she asked while you were resting. It's fine I didn't mind. I needed something to do today anyway," Iris shrugged. "But after that I...I swung by the Belle Company and…" she began but saw Violet freeze in place. She stared back at her with a worried expression growing across her face. "I didn't know if you wanted Trevor to know about your panic atta-" she began but Violet cut her off. 

"No, I!" She began loudly before she paused and her vision dropped back to the table. "I did not wish to tell him. I did not want him to worry," she whispered and Iris let out a sigh of relief. 

"It's okay. I didn't tell him," she said softly and Violet's soft blue eyes shot back up and met her grey ones. "I was going to but then I...I thought you might say something like that so I...I told him you just needed some rest and that you had overworked yourself."

"You...you lied to him?" She asked and Iris swallowed hard as the wave of guilt began to rise. 

"Ye-yeah...I kinda did I guess...I'm sorry Violet," she said softly. 

"Thank you," she breathed out quickly and Iris took a sharp breath. "I do not want him to pity me...I…"

"Well...you're welcome I guess but...it was none of my business. I shouldn't have gone over there without asking you if you wanted him to know."

"I...I will tell him myself," she said before uncapping her cup of soup and spreading a napkin over her lap. "I do not wish to hide things from him...he is very patient with me and I...he deserves to know but…"

"It's okay, Vie...take your time. He'll understand," Iris smiled. Violet just nodded slightly as the soft smile returned to her lips. 

"Yes."

  
  
  



	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

It was several days before Violet finally saw Trevor. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not but when he did finally show up he seemed to be in a fair mood. He'd come to see her in the middle of the week after work. Violet was surprised because she thought he must have gone home first to shower and get changed because he was much tidier than he usually was when he came to see her after work. 

Iris had warned her about the cast on his fingers so she hadn't been surprised to find him injured. She'd received her dress back from the shop she'd taken it to to get it repaired and was still in her Doll uniform when he arrived. She hadn't expected him to wait so long to come and visit her and she'd become a little nervous over the past few days that he may not come to see her anymore. Wrestling with nervousness was not comfortable. When she'd met him in the lobby she'd bowed her head slightly and he'd done the same before he finally spoke up. 

"Iris told me you needed a little bit of space for a few days so I tried to not disturb you," he smirked and Violet felt some of the nervousness leave her body. Not all of it though. She still had to tell him the truth. It had been eating away at her for days now. 

"Yes I...I would like to talk to you about what Iris said actually," she began and gestured toward the staircase. "Would you mind if we talked privately?"

"Not at all," he blinked in surprise. She led him up the stairs and past empty conference rooms before they went up another flight of stairs. "Where did you have in mind?"

"My room," she said flatly and Trevor had to stifle a small gasp. 

"Alright," he said and shoved his hands into his pockets. When they arrived at Violet's door he waited for her to let him inside.

"Please sit," she suggested and motioned to the chair at her desk. She, in turn, took a seat on the edge of her mattress and the pair faced each other. 

"So what's going on?" He asked and Violet took a moment to study him. She hadn't seen him in a week and somehow, she felt relieved just to be looking at him. His tan pants and black button-up shirt were a mainstay now, along with his combat boots. 

"The other day I...I did not overwork myself."

"Oh…" he asked quietly. "So...were you...did you want to avoid me?" He asked softly and he saw her hands tighten. 

"No, not at all," she shook her head. "I did need to rest, but that was not the reason…"

"Oh okay," he sighed in relief. "Well...can I ask what the real reason was?"

"Of course but…" she began quickly before she paused to collect herself. "I do not want you to...feel sorry for me or to pity me for it...please," she begged him quietly as her vision remained fixed on his boots. 

"I'll...do my best Violet," he worriedly breathed. "I can't promise that though…"

Violet nodded her head slightly. "I understand. The other day when I...was walking home I saw some young boys playing in the street...they were pretending to be soldiers...at war," she said and Trevor squinted and cocked his head to one side. 

"Okay," he breathed. 

"I...had what is...called a post-traumatic stress attack," she said softly and Trevor's eyes opened back wide and she saw his fingers extend slightly toward her. She looked up into his face and she could see it written all over it. Worry. She hadn't wanted that reaction but she had expected it. She couldn't really expect him to not react this way. "I saw...real soldiers and real weapons and I...became overwhelmed and fainted."

"Violet are…" he began but grit his teeth and tried to hold in the rest of his question and she saw as his fingers flexed and balled into fists on his thighs. "Are you okay?"

She nodded in response. "I believe so. I feel fine now I just...am not sure why it happened…"

"Was...Was that the first time you've had an episode like that?"

"Yes. I did not know that this sort of thing could happen before now. I did not even understand what stress was until Iris explained it to me…" 

"You…" he blinked. "Do you think it will happen again?"

"I am...unsure...I hope that it won't but…since I do not understand how to interpret all of my emotions and...since I do not process stress properly...it could keep happening…I just thought that you deserved to know...Iris had decided to tell you until she realized that I may not wish to tell you at all...that is why she lied to you...I am sorry…" she bowed her head deeply to him. 

"Violet you...you don't have to apologize for that," he tried to keep his voice soft. She could tell that he was struggling to keep his composure. He was trying as hard as he could to keep calm for her sake. 

"Are...you angry with me for keeping a secret?" She asked timidly. 

"No, not at all. I'm not even mad at Iris for lying…" he sighed. "Just...frustrated."

"Frustrated?" About what?"

"Well I…" he started. "I just wish I could...help. I know you don't want me to feel sorry for you but this is…" he paused and took a deep breath. "It's hard for me to explain."

"I can wait," she answered and Trevor could see she had scooted forward and was on the edge of the mattress. "Please explain how you feel."

"Okay...well," he shrugged. "I'm...people become frustrated...when someone they care about is having a hard time...because they wish they could help them feel better even if they can't," he tried. He'd stumbled and paused a few times but Violet didn't care about that. She was just happy to learn. 

"I have...noticed this behavior from other people. The way people look at me sometimes is...very like that. I understand," she nodded. "But you do not need to worry about wanting to do more for me. You...you already do enough," she said and felt her lips pull into a small smile. She watched as his muscles relaxed and he looked at her inquisitively. 

"I do?" 

"Yes. You are kind...and calm...and even now after I have made you worry about me you are...patient and...it means...everything to me," she breathed shyly.

"Violet," he said a little breathlessly. "Well I'm glad...that you feel that way," he smiled and she saw that cheeks also had begun to turn red. "I've never really been...seriously involved with a woman before so I'm still kind of figuring this out too but...it's nice to know that I'm doing alright haha," he chuckled. 

"You haven't?" She asked, surprise filling her tone. She hadn't expected that at all. She'd figured he'd had tons of experience compared to her. 

"I mean I've had girlfriends before but it never got very serious," he replied as he began gently picking at the cast on his fingers. "Was…" he began before he shook his head and she gave him a questioning glance. "Nevermind," he let out a short and quick breath through his nose. 

"What is it?"

"No it was just a question but I don't think you'd like to answer it...especially given what you went through this weekend."

Violet took a deep breath before she looked down at her hands. "You want to know more about my time in the military…right?"

"Well...to be honest, I just want to know more about you as a person but...it seems like your entire past is tied with the military so...it's hard to ask about one without asking about the other...know what I mean?"

She nodded. It made sense after all. "It's alright. I...don't have many memories before I came to be in…" she paused and felt his eyes on her as she lifted her hand to the broach clipped to her collar. "I was given to a military family as...a tool. That's what I was referred to as anyway…" she said and she could feel even from a few feet away that Trevor was uncomfortable. "I can...skip ahead if-"

"No no it's...it's okay I...I asked."

"Mm," She nodded before continuing. "I was trained to be used as a weapon...I already did not recall my past but I...was probably around nine or ten when they took me in. Mr. Hodgins has speculated that...I may have been kidnapped or taken from an orphanage."

"Wait," he said softly and she looked back up at him to find him wearing a puzzled expression. "You were taken that young...and the war only lasted for...Violet how old are you?" He asked and she could see that he seemed nervous about what her answer might be. 

"At most I am seventeen years old but...it could be less than that. I don't know for sure…" she breathed out nervously and she could see that he was surprised. 

"Wow, you...I thought you were older than that. You seem very...mature for your age," he smiled nervously and she couldn't tell if he was speaking about her personality or her body. Probably both. 

"Is...that going to be a problem?" She asked. She hadn't actively avoided telling him her age but she hadn't brought it up before either. She figured she'd wait until he thought it was important enough to ask. Once she'd heard the tone of voice that Iris used when speaking about if he may be too old for her she'd become nervous about this topic. "How old are you?"

"I'm Twenty-Six Violet but...I...if you don't believe that that's a problem then I won't worry about it."

"Is it...abnormal to be dating someone so far apart in age?"

"Not really," he admitted. Most of the couples he knew were of men that were older than their female partners. He even knew some she gaps larger than their's but none involving someone quite as young as Violet. 

"Okay. During the Battle of Intense I-" she began but saw his eyes light up in surprise. "What is it?"

"You were there? At Intense?" He asked and she nodded her head silently. "You really are her aren't you…"

"Her?" She asked, her head cocking to one side. 

"You're the Soldier Maiden of Leiden aren't you?.." he asked solemnly. 

"They...the soldiers called me that...yes. You've heard that name?"

"I thought everyone had," he shrugged. "Soldiers that came back injured would tell stories about you. I had a hunch but I didn't expect to be right…"

"Yes well...at Intense I…" she began before she peeled her gloves off of her hands and began to roll up her sleeves. "I lost my arms trying to protect my...superior officer...Major Gil…" she began but her breath became hitched in her throat and she had to pause for a moment. Trevor thought she may be holding back tears. "Major Gilbert Bougainvillea...the man who took me in." 

His eyes were drawn to the silver of her arms and his eyes only became wider and wider as she revealed more and more of them. Eventually, it stopped, only an inch or two below her shoulder on each arm. 

"Jesus Violet," he breathed out quietly and her vision dropped to the floor. 

"I am fine."

"No wonder you had a stress attack you...you really have a lot of stuff bottled up don't you?"

"I...didn't before but...now I find these things hard to talk about. The more I learn about emotions the more I feel the need to spare the ones I care about the details of my life so...yes...I do."

Trevor stared at her in silence for a long while and she felt herself getting lost in his bright brown eyes while he studied her arms from across the room. "You know I…" his vision dropped to his boots. "I wanted to serve but I was denied. Crazy that they would deny certain people but let a child with no documents fight."

"Why did they deny you?"

"I have a blood disease. Anemia," he shrugged. "I didn't know it until they put me through the fitness test. There's not enough iron in my blood so sometimes when I stand up too fast or do too much exercise I'll get light-headed. I didn't know it was a real disease until I collapsed at the test. They said I was...unfit to serve," he laughed cynically. "I was put on medication for it but they still turned me away. Said they couldn't provide the meds to me on the battlefront. Too much of a liability."

Violet couldn't believe what he'd said. She was shocked to find out that there were people who wanted to fight but couldn't, let alone that wanted to fight at all. "Why did you want to serve?"

"My brother and I both wanted to...together. We just wanted to do our part you know? Protect the people we loved and all that kind of nonsense," he said as he leaned back in the chair and stared up at the ceiling. "He made it and I didn't...he died and I...didn't."

"I see...you said you weren't very close?"

"We weren't. It's not that we didn't get along we just...had very different interests and lives. He was older than me and...my father was building him up to be the next owner of the company. He was so blown away when Allen joined the army and...devastated when he didn't make it home. Like he wasted all the time teaching him how to run the business all for nothing. At least," he growled through gritted teeth, "That's how he sees it." She saw Trevor run his hands through his hair roughly before he looked back to her and took a deep breath. "Sorry I'm not trying to shove my problems onto you I just...I'm just trying to say that I get it…"

"You...get what?"

"Losing someone I...I understand how it feels. You're not alone," he smiled softly. Violet's eyes slowly widened as she felt a stinging rush through her heart. Her hands rested over her chest as she tried to calm her thoughts. Eventually, all she could do was nod before he stood up and moved to look out her window. "You really live up here?"

"Yes."

"The view is amazing," he smiled and she was thankful that he was trying to change the subject. Violet stood and crossed the floor until she was beside him. He turned to look down at her and found her holding her hands out to him. 

"You wanted to look closer at them," she let out quietly. "You may if you still wish too."

Violet watched as he gently brought his hands up to hers and she could swear that she felt it when his fingers touched her. Her face felt warm. Her entire body felt warm. She watched as his fingers traced lines over the metallic joints of her fingers and wrists, up her forearms and she felt a jolt run down her spine as they slid over the gears in her elbows. 

She'd never felt like this before. It was like nervousness, again, but so much worse...and yet...somehow better at the same time. Her heart pounded in her ears and it took every ounce of discipline she had to stay still and let him do as he wished. Looking closer at each piece of the intricate design carefully one at a time. "These are incredible Violet," he mused as he made his way up past her elbow. "Do you ever have any problems with them?"

"I-.." she began. She could see goosebumps forming under her shoulders right before her flesh turned to machine. "I need to adjust them sometimes but they've never failed me...no," she whispered and hoped he wouldn't hear her breath catching in her throat. This was strange. She didn't know what to do or say. He was so close to her. When he looked up and noticed her goosebumps his vision shifted to her face where he found her breathing heavily and blushing brightly. 

"Violet are you cold?" He asked as he let her go. She just shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself to try and keep them from going anywhere else. 

"No I…" she started before she took a half step toward him. "Do you remember when...you brought me home from the play?"

"Yeah." He was staring down at her so intently now and Violet didn't know what to do. She didn't even know what she was already doing. Her body was burning. Every inch of her stung and she didn't understand why. It was as if she were taking a bath in boiling water. 

"I...cannot feel anything with these…" she said as she reached out with her hands and took hold of each of his. "And yet...when we touch I...I do feel things. Things I do not understand."

Trevor could feel her hands trembling and was surprised to find that they could pick up even such small signals from her brain like that. "I'm guessing you don't mean that you can feel my hands," he smiled. 

Violet looked up into his eyes and nodded slightly. "Yes. I feel them in...my heart and...my stomach. I am...nervous I think."

"Well, that's pretty a normal thing to feel I suppose. Unless you're nervous that I'm going to hurt you," he chuckled. "That would be bad. But if you're just nervous because you're unsure of what to do or...of what you want to do then that's normal. I feel it too," he assured her and Violet took a deep breath before smiling up at him. "Look Violet I...I don't expect you to do things you aren't comfortable with so...you take your time and don't rush this okay?"

"Yes," her smile spread before she found herself taking another step toward him. Her feet were practically between his now. She let go of his hands and ran her arms under his and around his lower back before she pulled herself to him. Her cheek rested on his chest and she felt him slowly accept the gesture. She could tell that he had been telling the truth about being nervous too. His heart was beating very quickly and loudly like her own. His arms draped across her shoulders and behind her head and they stood there just like that for several moments. 

She closed her eyes against him and began to notice the more subtle things she'd picked up about Trevor. The way he smelled, like oil covered up by lilac body soap. How warm he was. Just how much larger he was than her too. She thought he might be even larger than the Major but she couldn't be sure. It had been a long time since she'd stood beside him. She'd grown since then and wasn't sure if she could even make the comparison. He was trembling a little but then, so was she. 

She could spend all day analyzing the situation. It was almost entirely new territory for her. The Major had held her like this a few times but not many. Despite her nervousness, she thought she might be feeling...safe? Maybe that wasn't the word but if it wasn't then she couldn't think of what the proper word for it would be. 

The only thing that she was sure of was that when he pulled back from her she wished that he hadn't. He took hold of her hand and raised the metallic fingers to his lips and pressed a kiss to the tips of her fingers. She watched him do it. Every minute action, every glint of light that reflected off her hand from the sun outside her window, every second of it. When his lips touched her fingers she felt it. The surge of feelings stirring in her heart that had been there the last time he'd done this. "Thank you for telling me Violet," he smiled as he let go of her hand and she brought it to her rest over her heart.

"Thank you for listening," she gasped out. She was breathless. She'd never felt like this. The only thing that came close to the heat she felt on her own skin was the night she'd finally understood what Mr. Hodgins meant about her being on fire. "Would...would you like to stay for dinner?" She asked and wasn't really sure where the question had come from. She'd just blurted it out without thinking. She had been planning to make herself something but she wouldn't mind cooking for two instead. 

She'd only just started trying her hand at cooking slightly more complicated meals recently but that didn't mean she couldn't make something simple for the two of them. 

"Uhm, sure," he smiled shyly. "Yeah, why not."

Violet nodded and stepped away from him before she moved to a trunk at the foot of her bed and pulled it open. Trevor could see that it was filled with clothes. "I'll just get changed," she said softly before turning back to him. 

"I'll wait out in the hall," he smirked to himself and headed for the door. Once he was gone and the door was shut Violet began to change into something more comfortable. She pulled out her blue blouse and a long blue skirt she'd picked out and began the process of pulling off her work uniform. It took several minutes to get out of this dress every day. She didn't mind but she had the very least begun to notice the difference in time between taking off a more casual outfit and her Doll outfit. She pulled on the clothing and undid the braided buns in her hair before moving to her table and combing through them. Once her hair was combed out straight she tied it up in a ponytail and headed for the door. 

She paused as the metal of her fingertips brushed against the door handle. She felt nervous again. What if he didn't like the way she looked like this? She'd never had that thought before. She'd never tried to impress anyone with the way she looked before now. 

Violet drew in a deep breath and let her eyes shut before exhaling. She twisted the doorknob and opened the door. When she saw Trevor he was looking down at the floor twiddling his thumbs in his lap, leaning his back against the wall. When he looked up she saw his lips part and his jaw drop a little. She walked out into the hallway and shut the door behind her, face heating up again as she began to feel shy about her appearance. He watched her fold her arms over her abdomen and he bolted upright.

"Wow Violet you look great," he breathed out softly and she felt the words wash over her, calming her nerves. 

"Thank you," she bowed. She held her hand out to him and he gladly took hold of it and she began to lead him back down the stairs toward the kitchen. 

Her face felt hot the entire way.

  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

"Ughhhhh," Iris groaned loudly. "Why does this train leave so early…" The pair had gotten up well before dawn and met at the train station in Leiden to catch their ride out of the capitol. She'd packed her bag the night before and she was cursing herself for packing too much. She always did. Every time she got requested for something outside the city limits she packed too much and had to haul the bag everywhere she went. 

Not like Violet. She sat beside her on the platform, waiting for the train with her usual calm and collected air about her. While Iris was hunched over and resting her chin in her hands, Violet was sat bolt upright with her hands folded neatly in her lap. They were both dressed in their Doll uniforms and Iris marveled again at how well Violet handled the elements. It was not cold this morning at all. It was already hot before the sun had come up and Iris already felt like she could melt into the bench they were sitting on. 

"It's the only train going to Fredericksburg today. We didn't have a choice," Violet said plainly and Iris huffed. She knew that. She had tried to stop asking rhetorical questions around Violet but it had been proving difficult. 

When the train finally arrived the girls handed their bags off to the attendant for the baggage car and headed for their seats. Iris had kept a blanket she had packed with her so she could go back to sleep. The coaches were at least nice and each booth had two well-cushioned benches and it's own door to close the passengers off from each other. There could only be so much peace and quiet on a steam train but Iris would take what she could get. She practically face-planted into her bench and listened as Violet gently sat down all the way in her bench against the window. She figured she was probably looking out the window but she didn't have the strength to turn her head and look. 

Instead, she pulled her blanket over herself and curled up on the bench and almost immediately fell back asleep. 

Violet may have looked calm, and she knew full well that Iris needed to sleep more, but she had wanted to talk to her. She would have her chance later though. Her mind had been racing and they hadn't had time to talk at work much. After her last encounter with Trevor work had suddenly picked back up and now the two of them had been requested as a pair to go to Fredericksburg and both write letters for an entire company's staff. Each one had to be a unique thank you letter for all their hard work or something. She didn't remember the exact details. Normally she would have memorized every detail but lately, her mind had been too occupied with other things. 

Things she never expected to be thinking about. She wanted to run everything by Iris and bring her up to speed and gauge an opinion from her but they would be on this train all day. She would have time. Iris couldn't sleep the entire way...could she? Violet shook her head. She didn't want to worry about something so trivial as that. 

She returned her bright blue eyes to the window and rest her cheek into her gloved palm, elbow on the window sill, and she waited. 

It took a few hours for Iris to finally sit up and even when she did she kept the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. It wasn't cold. Not at all, but she'd done it simply to stay as comfortable as possible. Her hair was a mess and her outfit was all out of place. She'd slept restlessly again. She had slept badly all week. Every night since…

"Are you alright?" She heard and her dull amber eyes shot up to meet Violet's. Had she been sitting like that watching her the entire time?

'Probably,' Iris shrugged. She'd come to be a little more comfortable with someone watching her sleep in the last year. Not on purpose of course but when you go on trips that last several days with one Violet Evergarden, you are forced to get used to it. Violet didn't sleep much when she had first joined the company. Five hours or less. Like if she slept for a minute more she would miss a grenade being slipped into her trench. 

She had relaxed a lot since then but Iris thought she was probably past the short amount of time that Violet had trouble sleeping at all. When she had found out that her Major was dead Violet hadn't slept for several days. Iris had always wanted to know more about that time that Violet had spent in her room alone but she knew it wasn't her place to ask. 

"I'm okay yeah I just...haven't been sleeping well this past week," Iris mumbled as she carefully wiped her eyes out, trying not to smudge her, more than likely already smudged, makeup. 

"Are you sick?" Violet asked before she kept talking. "If you are then I can do most of the lett-" she continued but Iris cut her off.

"No no Violet it's okay it's nothing like that," she said softly and Violet settled back into her seat. 

"I see…"

"Violet I…" Iris started but stopped, trying to collect her thoughts as she took a deep breath. "Sorry I was so sleepy this morning. I could tell that you wanted to ask me something but...thank you for waiting," Iris smiled across to her. Iris stood suddenly and Violet watched her the entire way. Iris turned and took a step back until she flopped down onto Violet's bench beside her. Iris opened up her right arm toward Violet and the blanket opened up with it. 

Violet gave a short smile and the girls scooted toward each other until their hips met and Iris leaned her head down onto Violet's shoulder before she let Violet take the blanket and drape it over her far shoulder. Iris returned her now free hand to her lap and Violet rested her head against the top of Iris'. 

Violet wasn't used to this kind of intimacy at all but she had been trying to make a conscious effort to learn lately. Try new things and all that. It felt nice if she was being honest with herself. Being able to share casual contact like this with Iris felt...calming...she thought. "So what did you wanna ask me about Vie?" Iris asked. 

"Well I…" she began softly. "It's not so much a question I just…"

"You wanna talk about Trevor?" Iris figured and she felt Violet nod silently. "How was your talk the other night?"

"It was...very nice," she said and Iris could almost feel Violet's cheek warming up against her head. 

"Sorry again...for...going behind your back..."

"It's okay," Iris felt Violet sigh. "He understood."

"I'm glad," Iris smiled before her shoulders sunk. "Vie can I...tell you something…"

"Of course," she said quickly. "It would not be very fair of me to rely on you as much as I have been if...you could not do the same."

'She would say that,' Iris rolled her eyes as the smile returned to her lips. "The other night when...you had your panic attack…" she felt sorry for bringing up the subject and she felt Violet turn her head to face her more. "While we were making your dinner...Benedict and I...we…" she began but fell silent and Violet watched her lift a finger to her lips. 

"Yes?" She asked. 

"We…well we...kissed," she breathed out and felt like an incredible weight had been lifted off her shoulders with the words. She hadn't told anyone. Neither had Benedict as far as she knew but she hadn't asked him. The pair had scarcely seen each other in fact since work had picked back up. They were both exhausted and they got off work at different times. Not to mention she...might have been avoiding him a little bit. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. 

"You...you did?" Violet asked slowly and Iris could hear the shock in her voice. "I thought that you two...didn't feel that way about each other?" 

"Yeah I...thought that way too…" Iris admitted. "I'm still not really sure how to feel about it and I...haven't had time to talk to anyone about it...even if I had I...don't think I would actually have anyone to talk about it with…"

"But...why would you bring it up to me...of all the people you know surely...I am the least qualified to help you with your dilemma," Violet reasoned and Iris chuckled a little. 

"Well you might be right about that but…" she stopped before reaching over and threading her fingers between Violet's. "You're...you're my best friend Violet," Iris shrugged. "Even if you don't know how to help it...still helps just to tell you. To get it off my chest...you know?"

Iris felt Violet nod her head before she spoke. "I believe I have...come to understand what you mean. Talking about one’s problems...relieves stress...right? Even if the issue is not solved by talking about it...it still helps?"

"That's right Violet," Iris nodded and smiled. 

"What…" Violet began but stopped herself quickly. 

"What is it?" Iris asked as she lifted her head from Violet's shoulder and found her staring down into her lap with her finger pressed into her bottom lip. 

"What...was it like," Violet asked and both of their cheeks lit up bright red. 

"Well...it was...nice I guess…" Iris said as she lay her head back against the bench and stared up into the ceiling. "I've never kissed anybody before that so...I don't really know what it’s supposed to feel like but I...think I liked it…"

"Does he feel the same way?"

"I think so but...we haven't talked about it or...really talked at all since it happened."

"Why not?" Violet insisted and Iris sighed. 

"I'm nervous because...I don't know what to do next you know?" Iris asked as she turned her head to look back at Violet. "I've never dated a guy before and...I'm not sure what's supposed to happen next. I could ask Cattleya but then she would hound me about who it was and when she finds out it was Benedict she'll freak out," Iris said as she ran a hand through her short grey hair and tugged on some of it. 

"Why would she...freak out?"

"Well not only are we co-workers but on top of that, she thinks Benedict is a childish moron. They argue all the time."

"Do you...not have any friends outside of work?" Violet asked cautiously and was surprised when Iris chuckled a little. 

"No, not really. I've only lived in Leiden for two years. All my old friends still live back home. I don't ever see them. And I don't...really get out much after work."

"Well we could...ask Luculia about it if...you wanted to. She told me she has gone on many dates before when I talked to her about Trevor."

"...Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea," Iris admitted before she shook her head. "I guess I'll think about that until we get back. What do you think though?"

"What do I think? About you and Benedict?"

"Well yeah but...what would you do next."

"I know...very little about romance Iris," Violet replied softly. 

"Okay but...if Trevor kissed you…" she began and saw Violet's head perk up. "What would you do…" Iris asked. 

"I…" Violet started and trailed off. It was a long while before Violet answered her. "I don't know…" 

"Have you ever...wanted to kiss him?" Iris asked. She could tell that Violet wasn't entirely comfortable with her question but she knew that she wouldn't answer it if she didn't want to. 

"The other night I…" she began and Iris' eyes widened in surprise that Violet actually had an answer. "In my room, I showed him my arms...he had wanted to look closer at them once he found out they were prosthetic."

"He is into machinery after all," Iris sighed and pressed Violet. "And?"

"Well I...he was so close to me and I...let him kiss my hand again and I believe I...wanted to...yes," she finished and nodded her head slightly. Her cheeks were bright pink and Iris could tell that Violet had no idea why she was embarrassed. 

"Yes, you...wanted to kiss him?" 

"I believe I...did...yes."

"Why didn't you?" Iris asked and she wasn't entirely sure why she had asked the question. Maybe she was looking for an answer to her own problems within Violet's conundrum. "If you don't...mind me asking."

"I was not sure...if he would want me to," Violet admitted and Iris saw her give a long sigh. "I do not know how to explain it."

"You don't wanna rush him..?" Iris suggested and Violet's lips parted for a moment at the realization that Iris may be right. She nodded her head a little. 

"Yes."

"Violet I think...he's probably feeling the same way," Iris smiled and squeezed her fingers around Violet's palm a little. "He probably keeps kissing your hand because he doesn't want to rush you. He probably thinks that you should take things slow because of...well since you don't have any romantic experience."

"He...wants to be sure that I really like him before he...does anything more...is that what you mean?"

Iris nodded and Violet looked back out the window. "I see."

"He seems really nice Vie and...like he may be really good for you. Not just any guy would be okay with taking things so slowly. Not to mention most guys wouldn't understand your situation."

"That is...precisely why I like talking with him," Violet breathed softly. Her vision remained on the countryside but Iris could see her bright blue eyes reflected in their window. 

"Is something else bothering you, Violet?" Iris asked. 

The blonde was silent for a long time and for a moment Iris thought that maybe she hadn't heard her. "No, nothing," Violet finally sighed. 

If Violet wasn't ready to talk about it then Iris wasn't going to pressure her into it. She simply lay her head back into Violet's shoulder and looked down at their entwined fingers. "I think I actually kind of like Benedict…"

"You mean...in a romantic way?" Violet asked as she turned her attention back down to their fingers as well. 

"Yeah," she smirked. "I used to think he was just another lazy guy but he...he has his moments."

"I believe I agree...I am glad you weren't there but...I believe seeing him jump from the train to remove one of the bombs from the Grandeza Bridge was impressive."

"Oh god yeah I'm glad I wasn't there...I wouldn't have been any help I'm not...brave like you guys," she laughed. 

"Brave?" Violet asked.

"Yeah. Like fearless. But if you're brave then that means you are able to overcome your fears and do something that might scare you anyway. Courageous," she explained and felt Violet nod. 

"I do not know if I am brave," Violet admitted and Iris had to laugh.

She began to run her thumb over the back of Violet's leather glove, "trust me, Violet, you are very brave. A lot more than anyone I've ever met."

"...In what way?" She asked curiously. 

"Well removing that bomb first of all," Iris laughed. "You jumped off a moving train and didn't even hesitate."

"I was trained to put my comrades before myself...I didn't really think about it."

"Okay well...what about becoming an Auto Memories Doll? That was a big step for someone who didn't understand how to read people's emotions."

"I just wanted to know. I didn't feel that that was...brave."

"Well...how about going back out the day you bumped into Trevor? To apologize to a stranger when you didn't have to...I think that that was very brave Violet."

"...You do?"

"I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have thought about it at all," Iris shrugged. "Or showing him your arms the other night. Maybe if someone had asked you to right when you got them it would be different but...now that you've had them for over a year and you've learned so much...it must have felt awkward to roll your sleeves up and just let someone look at them completely right?" Violet nodded and Iris smiled. "See...you're very brave."

Violet smiled and nodded her head. "Thank you."

//

It was nearly nightfall when they finally felt the train begin to slow for its final stop in the center of the city. It wasn't nearly as large as Leiden, and it had no sea-port but it was still larger than any small village. There were tons of train tracks and locomotives working in the yard. "This city exports coal by rail for most of its income. It creates a lot of jobs but there's also a lot of accidents," Iris explained as they walked off the platform. "Most companies wouldn't care but one of them has a great reputation for safer work practices and values its employees so they hired us to write them all individual thank you letters."

"That...sounds awfully nice," Violet thought aloud. Most companies wouldn't do something like that, especially for something as unsavory as coal mining. "A bit odd though."

"It is a bit strange but I guess in a good way. It's this way right?" Iris nodded her head toward another street. The lamps were on all down the roadways and most of the roads were clear of cars at this time of night. 

"Yes but our hotel is this way?" Violet pointed and the girls began walking down the road toward where they'd be staying the night. The pair checked in and made their way to the second floor of the smaller sized inn. When they got to their room they dropped their bags at the foot of the two beds and each of them silently changed into their nightgowns. Violet let down all the braids in her hair too and Iris saw her remove the broach from the collar of her Doll outfit. 

She brought the trinket to their bedside table and rest if face up. The table was between the head of their two small beds and the moonlight shone in through the window and reflected off of the jewel. As Iris laid down on top of the blankets she couldn't help but let it catch her eye. The way it shot a small orb of light up to the ceiling due to the reflection was surprising. 

"The moons really bright tonight," she smiled and looked back out the window and up into the night sky. 

"It is," Violet nodded as she laid herself down as well. It wasn't cold enough for blankets and both of them were pretty tired. They hadn't done much all day but traveling can be exhausting. They'd already eaten during the train ride so both of them were more or less ready for bed. Violet stopped herself from rolling over for another moment though. "Do you...enjoy looking at the moon?" She asked upward toward the ceiling as she folded her hands over her stomach. 

"Yeah I do," Iris smiled. She was laying down on her side with her hand under the pillow to prop her head up at the right angle to keep watching the big white orb in the night sky. "I think it's beautiful. The front windows in my apartment in Leiden get a good view of it almost every night."

"Is...is that why you live so far from work?"

"Well it's not the only reason I picked the place but...yeah it's got a lot to do with it," Iris replied dryly. 

"Do you miss...the countryside?" Violet guessed and Iris had to admit she was impressed with how well Violet had connected the dots. 

"Yeah sometimes I do...there wasn't much to do and it could get pretty boring but...the wide-open spaces had their charm. The night sky was always open and lit up with stars. So I guess looking out my front windows back at the apartment makes me feel...more at home...it's relaxing," she shrugged and turned to mimic Violet's position. "What about you?"

"I…" Violet started but she wasn't quite sure how to explain her thought. "I have seen much of the countryside of Leiden but...it wasn't much to look at before I became an Auto Memories Doll. I have been on a few commissions that were in very beautiful rural areas but...I've rarely stopped to take it in."

"Well, why was it bad befo-" Iris started but caught herself when she realized the answer to her question. "The war...right?"

Violet nodded silently. "The land was very torn up and everything was...quite a mess. Not to mention even if it was beautiful I…don't think I'd have been able to tell the difference."

"...Well...now that you can tell the difference was...was there anywhere you can remember that was nice?"

Violet was silent for a long time and Iris began to think that the question may have accidentally pushed Violet down a string of unpleasant thoughts. "I can't think of anywhere that stood out really," she answered finally. "It's all just… a blur."

"Okay," Iris sighed. "Well, I guess we ought to get some sleep. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow right?" 

"There are several dozen employees to write letters for. Yes," Violet confirmed before she turned her head to find Iris staring back at her. 

"Goodnight Violet," she smiled as she shut her eyes and nuzzled into her pillow a little deeper. 

"Goodnight...Iris," Violet smiled back and turned her head back toward the ceiling. 

  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Iris' fingers were practically numb. Was it wrong to be jealous of Violet for something so horrible as needing prosthetic arms? She thought it might be. They had been typing for hours on end and Violet hadn't slowed down or groaned or had to stretch her fingers or crack her knuckles a single time. In the end, Iris knew that Violet would end up getting more of the letters done than her. She always got more work done than the rest of the group. 

The mental discipline she had combined with the fact that her fingers never experienced fatigue were two of the many factors that had made her into such an incredible Doll in the first place. When they finally were packed up to leave the building it was late afternoon and the girls were both starving. Of course Violet would never admit that but Iris could tell that her friend was drained. 

They headed straight for the first restaurant they could find and went inside, dropping their typewriter bags under their table. "Man that was a lot of work," Iris groaned as she stretched her fingers out several times on the table cloth. "Fingers are killing me," she huffed. Violet watched as her long and tan-skinned fingers moved back and forth and Iris caught her looking. 

"I can't really...remember what it felt like to have a cramp in my hands. It's been so long now."

"Time flies," Iris shrugged. "You've been out of the army for what...nearly two years now?"

"Almost exactly...yes," she said quietly and Iris got the distinct impression that Violet had been keeping track of the statistic. 

Their waiter soon took their orders and fled back to relay the information to the kitchen. "Really glad they sent both of us. That would have taken me like three days," Iris sighed and rolled her eyes. 

"Yes," Violet nodded. Iris wasn't sure if what part of her statement Violet was agreeing with but it wasn't worth investigating. "Iris…" Violet began softly. 

"Yeah?"

"When we get back are you...going to tell Benedict that you...enjoyed the kiss?"

Iris' lit up bright red as she hid her face in her napkin and looked around the tables around them. No one was looking and the restaurant was actually pretty empty. She took a deep breath and dropped the napkin. "I don't know…"

"Why not?" Violet cocked her head to one side. 

"Because it's embarrassing. What if he didn't like it?"

"Well...what happened after the kiss?"

"He...apologized because he thought he might have...misread the situation."

"Did he?"

"...No, I...I don't think he did…" 

"Then...it is embarrassing even though there is a high chance your feelings will be returned?"

"Ye-yeah," Iris stuttered a little. "What about you huh?"

"What do you mean?" She asked quizzically.

"Do you think you're ready to take your relationship with Trevor to the next step?"

Violet seemed deep in thought about the subject for a long time before she gave a small "I'm not sure." Iris wanted to fish for a more concrete answer but she knew that rushing Violet wouldn't help her decide any faster. She was already shocked that her friend had gotten as far as she had. She'd never been able to picture Violet of all people having a steady boyfriend or even going on a date in the first place. 

Never mind the fact that Trevor was so good to her. He wasn't overly romantic and he was no prince but Violet didn't need those things in a person. She just needed someone who cared enough to take their time and respect her past. Trevor did all of that and more. He respected her space, he valued that she was such a hard worker, he didn't push her to do things she wasn't comfortable with...Iris was a bit jealous really. 

Then there was Benedict. A kind-hearted mail boy with a rough outer shell. A boy with no past and a pretty face. 'A really...pretty face,' Iris reminded herself. A boy who dwarfed her almost as much as Trevor dwarfed Violet, due to the ridiculous heels he wore. The heels on the blonde boy's boots were taller than Iris' for sure. She didn't hate the way he dressed or anything it was just...strange. For a long time, without getting to know him at all, Iris had actually thought he may not be interested in women at all but in the end, his mode of dress really was just a fashion statement and nothing more. 

That was one upside to his heels after all. He was much taller than she was with them on. Iris wasn't overly tall but she wasn't nearly as short as Erica or Violet. Without the boots, she figured Benedict was probably still a few inches taller than she was in her own heels. 

When their food finally came to their table they fell silent and very quickly downed their meals. She had been right. Violet was hungry. She just wasn't the type to complain about skipping lunch as they had. 

Once they had paid and left they walked back toward their inn. They had planned to stay another night and the sun was already slumping down over the hills on the horizon. Might as well get to bed early so they could catch the early train back to Leiden. 

Once they'd made it back into their room Iris flopped down onto her bed and groaned into the mattress. She hadn't been this worn out from work in months. She was mentally and physically drained to the bone. Still, at least all the work had kept her mind off of-.

"Iris," Violet interrupted her train of thought softly. 

"Yeah?" She asked, muffled by the bedding. 

"I've been thinking about what you asked me…" she started slowly and Iris heard her sit down on the bed on the opposite side of the room. 

"What I asked you?" Iris wondered aloud as she rolled onto her side. 

"About...taking my relationship with Trevor to the next level…"

Iris sat up and rested her hands on the edge of the mattress. "Oh."

"What...does that mean exactly?" Violet asked and Iris could see a small tinge of pink highlight her cheeks. Her eyes were glued to her hands rested in her lap and she wouldn't look up at Iris. 

Iris was still shocked by how common this sight was becoming. Violet had changed so much in the time she'd known her and she'd never expected to see her nervous. Nevermind twice in one day. When she'd become a doll Violet wasn't afraid of anything. Iris didn't think Violet had even known what fear was, nevermind if she'd actually felt it. She was always confident and always wanting to learn more. Maybe that was because she didn't know better but the fact remained...this wasn't the same girl that Iris had met a year ago. 

'She's doing everything she can...to learn what that means. In her own way.' Iris' own words flashed through her mind as she looked Violet up and down. 

"You...well Violet you...wanted to...be closer to him right?" Violet silently nodded her head. "Well...you've been dating him for almost two months now Vie...what kinds of things would you like to do with him?" Iris asked slowly. She wasn't sure she really wanted to hear the answer though. The last thing she wanted to hear was that Violet wanted to start sleeping with Trevor. A part of her knew better of course. She knew that Violet was far too innocent to suggest that she would want that. She was blunt enough to say it out loud though. Well, she used to be anyway. Iris could tell she'd been pulling her punches lately and trying to be a little more subtle when she spoke. 

Not that Violet even knew what sex was...at least Iris secretly hoped that she didn't. Violet's past was a mystery to everyone, including herself. Hell, Iris hadn't even been told anything about Violet's time with her Major, nevermind her time before he'd taken her in. The only thing she knew was that Violet had craved his 'orders' and if Iris let herself think about that fact for a little too long her thoughts always turned dark. What kinds of things had he ordered her to do exactly? 

Violet always seemed to look back on him with fond memories and it was clear to Iris that she had loved him but...she was just a child then. Just a little kid with no idea what was normal or what was considered to be okay. What if he'd ordered her to do tjose kinds of things...would she have done them and...enjoyed it? 

What if the people who'd had her before the Major had used her like that? She was just a child and it would explain why she couldn't remember anything before she was presented to the Major. Would explain why her memory was repressed. It would explain why she was so happy to be serving someone that paid attention to her…

Iris shook her head violently to try and cut the thoughts out of her mind before they got any darker. "Are you...okay?" She heard Violet ask. 

"Yeah just…tired...sorry," Iris lied. It always hurt to lie to Violet but telling her the truth in certain situations could be much worse. What if asking about her past would force her to think about it? And if she thought about it for too long...what if she actually started to remember and it just made everything worse? 

"That's the issue…" Violet began. "I do not know what I would like to do...I do not know...what couples do together or...what is appropriate."

"...Honestly, Violet, I don't...want to influence your decisions on this one," Iris admitted and Violet finally looked up into her soft golden eyes. She looked confused and Iris could understand why. 

"How do you mean?"

"Well...I think you should let it come naturally...I wouldn't want to put ideas in your head about the things you should do. I wouldn't want you to try something you aren't comfortable with just because you think that that's what couples are supposed to do...I'm sure Trevor would probably agree."

"Then...how am I going to move forward?"

"Just…" Iris began as she searched for the words. "Follow your heart Violet," Iris smiled across the space between them. 

"Follow my…heart?" She asked. Iris could see that she was confused and realized she'd probably taken her statement literally. 

"Yeah. It just means to listen to your feelings. You know how...when we write letters for people...Auto Memories Dolls are supposed to listen to the feelings that people are trying to convey, rather than just the words that they are saying?" 

"Yes," Violet nodded her head intently. 

"Well...you should try to listen to your own feelings this time...Follow your own heart, miss Auto Memories Doll," Iris smiled. She'd called her that before. The night that she'd asked Violet to write apology letters after her birthday party Iris had called her that for the first time. God they had both come so far as people, and as Dolls, since then. 

She was glad when Violet's innocent smile spread over her lips and she seemed to understand. "Yes," she nodded before she set to work undoing the ribbons on her hair holding her braided buns up.

As Violet headed to their bathroom though, nightgown draped over one of her arms, Iris saw her hesitate for a moment. Then another. She'd seemingly frozen in thought before the door and after a few more moments Iris had to ask. 

"You okay Vie?" 

"I…" the blonde started before she shyly turned back to Iris. Their eyes only met for a moment before Violet's blue orbs dropped the wooden floor. "Was wondering what…" she trailed off and Iris could see that she was searching for words. Grasping at straws that she couldn't see. There were times when Iris knew she had to nudge Violet along in her questions but this wasn't one of them. 

Most of the time she could tell what it was that Violet wanted to ask her but this time she was well and truly stumped. She didn't know what to expect, and what she got was far from anything she was willing to guess. 

"What do...men...like about...women's appearances?" Violet fumbled her way through the sentence, picking and choosing her words carefully so as to try and keep the conversation subtle. 

Iris knew what she wanted to ask now though and her cheeks lit up a little red. "...Well…why…" now it was Iris' turn to struggle to reign in her thoughts. She'd known that Violet was nervous about her arms but...was it more than that? Was Violet actually self-conscious about her entire body and not just the silver prosthetics? 

Just how many scars did Violet have? 

They were both teenage girls. Iris wouldn't have been bothered much by it if they had ever changed in the same room at the same time. Over years of growing up in a small town, she and her girlfriends had changed in the same room dozens of times. It was nothing. She hadn't ever spared it a thought. 

But Violet always changed alone now. Iris knew that Violet had tried to change in front of Benedict before without realizing that that wasn't okay, especially at work. Ever since then Iris figured that Benedict's reaction had clued Violet into just how inappropriate her actions had been and she'd stuck to that lesson ever since. 

But maybe Violet hadn't started changing alone because she was embarrassed about not knowing that that wasn't okay. Maybe the reaction she'd gotten from Benedict that fateful day had given her the wrong impression. 

Maybe...Violet thought her body wasn't meant to be looked at at all…

Iris knew Violet had scars. She hadn't seen them herself but...you don't just lose your arms in combat and have completely pristine skin everywhere else. Not likely anyway. Iris needed to answer the questions carefully and sincerely...she couldn't lie either because she knew down the road it would bite her. 

"Violet you...you want to know this in case...Trevor sees your...scars don't you?" Iris asked softly and after several moments of silence, Violet nodded. "Vie I don't think…" Iris shook her head and paused before she started over. "If someone can't look at your scars and still think that you're beautiful then...then that person isn't right for you Violet."

"Even if I…"Violet started quickly before trailing off. "Even if I feel this way about him?"

"Yes Violet, even then," Iris answered before an easy smile slipped across her lips. "I wouldn't worry about it though...I'm sure Trevor isn't so superficial as that."

"You...don't think he will mind?"

"No Violet I don't think he'll mind at all. You already showed him your arms and really...how bad can your scars be compared to that?" Iris shrugged. 

"I...I have many scars…" Violet breathed softly. "In many places and when people see them they...they look at me like…"

Violet fell silent and Iris could see how tightly her metal fingers were pressed into her palms. She didn't have to finish that sentence for Iris to understand what Violet wanted to say. 

Pity. 

Most people Iris knew had far more trivial fears than Violet Evergarden did. Fear of being late to work. Fear of having a prank pulled at their expense. Afraid of the dark or of spiders or monsters under their bed. Most people had irrational and childish fears. That included Iris too. 

Sure Iris had one fear that she felt was justified, but she had many of those little fears that stemmed off of the big one. Fear of meetings at work was a silly one. She was constantly worried that she'd done something wrong and that she was in trouble when most of the time the meetings were just Cattleya asking everyone how their work was going. 

This was just a smaller branch or her true fear but even then...Iris didn't think it really compared to Violet's. 

Violet was afraid of people pitying her. She hated it. Anytime anybody looked at her with that look in their eyes. The 'I feel sorry for you,' look. It made her so uncomfortable that she wanted to jump out of her skin. To turn and run away from everyone on earth and lock herself away. Hide herself up somewhere no one would ever be able to look at her again. To spare everyone the worry and the sorrow that they associated her with day in and day out. 

She wanted so desperately to be seen as a normal person but deep down Violet knew that no matter how hard she tried she could never be as human as Iris or Luculia or Cattleya. 

It didn't matter how much the cadence of her voice changed or how close she grew to new people or even how much time and effort she put into acting like a civilian. 

She'd always be a soldier. 

She would always have the body of The Soldier Maiden of Leidenshaflik. Toned, trained, unexpressive, bruised, scared...and missing pieces. 

Iris stood from the bed and began to cross the room. When she reached Violet she lifted her arms to Violet's cheeks. Her tan palms stood out against Violet's porcelain skin and she felt the younger girl jump from the touch. Violet's watery blue eyes shot up to meet Iris' smiling face as she felt her begin to rub her thumbs back and forth on her cheeks. 

"Everybody's got scars Violet...just because yours are on the outside doesn't make them any worse to look at than anybody else's...in fact," Iris' smile softened. She let go of Violet's face and her hands drew around her back and Iris pulled Violet tight to her. "I think the world would be a better place if no one could hide their scars like you can't…"

Iris could feel Violet suck in a deep breath. She bolted upright for a moment before Violet's arms went around Iris' back. Her fingers pressed into the muscles in her back and Violet buried her face into Iris' shoulder. Iris wasn't sure if Violet was going to cry or not but she didn't much care. 

She'd meant what she'd said. 

If everyone's scars were worn on their sleeves like Violet's then no one would be able to hide their pasts or their tendencies or mistakes from people. They'd be more incentivized to talk about their problems or their troubled pasts because people would be able to see the scars those events left behind. Rather than people bottling things up and keeping their scars inside maybe, they would be able to grow beyond them instead. 

Maybe every person on earth would give as much effort as this young girl did, day in and day out. Maybe her blue eyes, always so full of wonder and hope, would have more just like them to look into, instead of the dull and concluded eyes of the people she passed every day on the sidewalk. 

Maybe the world would be a better place with more Violet Evergardens in it. 

  
  



	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

"Wha…" Violet half gasped. "What happened to your hand?" She asked, trying to keep her voice steady. She hadn't expected to come home and find him like this. Iris and Violet had made their way to the Postal Company as soon as they'd gotten home from their trip expecting to simply get right back to work. They'd arrived at the train station in Leiden right before lunchtime and on a whim, Violet had decided to bring Iris to the little sandwich shop that Trevor had taken her to on their first date. 

Some small part of her had probably hoped to find him there on his break but she hadn't expected him to be in this state. Most of him, well, nearly all of him looked as it always did. The only thing out of place was the new cast on his hand that he'd broken two fingers on the other week. 

She'd only been gone for a few days and he'd managed to hurt himself again? That seemed uncharacteristic for Trevor based on her experiences with him. He always seemed so careful and patient but she'd let herself believe that when he hurt his fingers that maybe he had just had a clumsy day or been impatient at work. Everyone had bad days after all. Even Violet knew that and it was even true about herself. 

But twice in one month? Once was enough to rouse suspicion but Trevor hurting himself twice so quickly was too strange to ignore. 

"I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing," he said slowly as he ran his good hand up and down the back of his head. "I'm fine I swear," he chuckled but Violet knew better. She knew the difference between a real laugh and one that was forced. That was one of the few things she'd learned to spot about people. Whether their smiles were real or not was a little more difficult but she thought she was getting the hang of it. 

But what could she say? 'You're lying to me?' 'I don't believe you?' What if she was wrong? She couldn't just call him out like that without being sure of herself. She couldn't help the uneasy feeling that washed through her though and she was suddenly afraid that her disbelief may be written on her face. She'd slowly been becoming more expressively lately and would be a very bad time for the muscles in her face to betray her. 

"I…" the word escaped her lips softly and she quickly zipped them shut. "Are you...okay?" She managed to change her sentence. 

He let his hands drop back to the table in front of him and the brief silence that followed made Violet incredibly uncomfortable. He had to be hiding something from her but what could it be. He didn't seem the type to get into a fight with another person so what else could explain it other than it truly being his behavior at work. 

"Yeah I'll be fine I promise," he sighed and Violet at least thought that that might be the truth. 

'I'll deal with you later.' The words Trevor's father had said during their first meeting still haunted her from time to time. "Okay," she nodded and breathed nervously. 

After the trio had eaten their lunch Violet and Iris left Trevor to head back to work. When they got back to the Postal Company the pair walked together until they reached the second floor. The office was empty save for Erica and the girls set their portable type-writers in their places. Violet had been trapped in her own thoughts for much of the long walk but Iris broke her out of them momentarily when she spoke up. 

"Hey I'm gonna…" she started before she stole a glance at Erica. The shorter girl was sorting through papers across the room from the pair of them, paying them no mind. "I'm gonna go find Benedict…" Iris said in a low tone and Violet could see her shifting her weight on each of her heels. 

"Are you...nervous?"

"Yeah Vie…" Iris exhaled quickly. "But I should talk to him…"

"It will be fine," Violet smiled and was thankful for the distraction, even if it was fleeting. Iris was out the door in moments and she was alone with her thoughts again. Erica wasn't much of a talker and right now...Violet really thought she could use someone to bounce her own thoughts off of. 

She would just have to wait. 

Iris made her wait to the mailroom and as she was about to turn the door handle the door flew open. She was lucky the door opened inward or she'd have been bulldozed by it. 

"Iris?" Benedict asked curiously. She felt his eyes dart down to her outstretched hand and she quickly snapped it back to her side. 

"Hah...he-hey...Benedict," she started quietly and felt her cheeks growing warm. Why was she so nervous? She hadn't even been this nervous when she'd confessed to her childhood friend before she'd moved here. Of course...she wasn't nervous back then because she was so confident that he loved her too that she hadn't thought about it. But after that rejection...could she handle it if that happened again?

"Hey," he raised his hand behind his head and gave her that crooked smirk that she liked so much. "Nice to see you two made it back."

"Uh...yeah," Iris said as she wrapped her arms around her abdomen and began to twist herself side to side a little as she tried to swallow her nerves. "Are...can I talk to you...for a minute?" She asked softly.

"I mean...breaks over and I gotta get back out to my deliveries. Are you okay?" He asked genuinely and she began to feel even more silly. 

Here she was, ready to admit to him that she liked him and he was too concerned with delivering the stupid mail...well...it was his job after all…

"I'm fine…" Iris sighed and let her hands drop to her sides. "We can talk later if...you want," she breathed as her eyes dropped to the floor. 

"Sure," he said softly before she felt one of his hands land on her shoulder. She looked up and her bright golden eyes locked with his baby blue hues for a long moment. 

"I'll hurry back alright?" He smiled and she felt her face flush even brighter. All she could do was nod. She couldn't summon any words at all to her lips, nevermind the ones she actually wanted to say. 

In moments he was past her and headed down the stairwell. She walked to the railing and watched him head for the door. He pulled the massive front door open and moved to leave but he hesitated a moment before he turned his head back and caught a glimpse of her over his shoulder. He served up one more soft smile before he pressed his pointer and middle fingers to his forehead and shot them forward a few inches, mock saluting her as he left. 

Iris felt a smile creep over her lips as she watched the door close and felt the eyes of several of the people in the building find her on the railing, grinning like a kid. She quickly retreated to the Auto Memories Doll office and shut the door behind her, finding Violet sulking with her cheek rested on one of her hands. When the door shut she seemed to snap out of her trance and look up at Iris. 

"That was quite fast," Violet cocked her head to the side. "You are very efficient Iris," Violet mused out loud and Iris couldn't actually tell if she was teasing her or if she was serious. 

"I didn't get the chance to tell him...he had to go back out to his delivery route," Iris sulked a little as she rested back against the door. 

"Oh, I see," Violet said slowly. "When he returns then?"

Iris nodded her head once, "yeah he said we could talk later…" she said softly and was shocked at how relieved the words made her feel. She stood back up straight and took the few short steps toward the table when Violet sat and came to rest beside her on the bench. "What's bothering you so much Vie…" 

"I...am fine," Violet said as her cheek returned to her hand. 

Iris chuckled to herself a little, still high on the way that Benedict had smiled at her. "I appreciate the effort Violet but you are a terrible liar."

Violet looked over to Iris and her miserable expression didn't alter at all. "I don't get much practice…" she admitted and that made Iris continue to laugh quietly. 

"That's a good thing...you're better off not knowing how to lie. So what's up? Why the long face?"

"I…" Violet began. She was trying to pick her words as carefully as she could but she didn't know the sweet and kind way to accuse someone of lying. "I believe Trevor is lying about his hand…"

"Really? What makes you think that?" Iris asked as she put on a slightly more serious expression. Violet wouldn't just accuse someone of lying without good reason and she looked pretty uncomfortable now that Iris was really looking at her. No wonder she'd been so quiet during their walk back to work. 

"He hasn't been himself recently...since he hurt his fingers," Violet said solemnly. She'd scarcely seen him between her panic attack and when she and Iris had left for Fredericksburg but the few times she had he'd seemed a little...off somehow. Defensive or...something like that. 

"Like...he's keeping secrets from you? You don't think he's really hurt?"

"No...just the opposite actually," Violet corrected. "I believe he is lying about how he is becoming hurt."

"I mean...i can agree that he has seemed a bit nervous lately or...awkward I guess but… Why?...why would he lie about that? Why would someone lie about something like that?" Iris wondered aloud. 

Violet wanted so desperately to speak her mind and explain her thought process but...what if she was wrong. That was a hell of a thing to accuse somebody of… Not just the accusation of Trevor lying about why he was hurt but...the accusation that would follow if she explained to Iris what she really thought was going on. What was happening behind closed doors at the Belle Company? She didn't have enough information to be throwing wild accusations around like that. That was the kind of thing that made people burn their bridges and she didn't want that. 

She didn't want to give Trevor a reason not to trust her or not to keep talking to her. She didn't want to put a strain on their budding relationship for fear that she didn't really know what she was talking about...or thinking about. She had to rationalize that she was probably taking things out of context or that she had just misunderstood or misread the situation but...she just couldn't shake the feeling. Besides…

What if she was right?

What if those words had really meant what she thought they did. What if it wasn't just an idle threat...what if...Trevor was being…

"Violet?" Iris interrupted her thoughts and Violet became suddenly aware that she'd fallen silent after Iris' questions. 

"Sorry…" Violet breathed. "I'd...like to think about it some more before I...get the wrong idea."

"Oh? Okay," Iris smiled softly and placed a hand on her shoulder. "That could be a wise decision just… let me know okay? When you wanna talk."

"I will," Violet smiled and for a moment she couldn't help but feel a bit of pride in herself. Iris was never one to shy away from telling Violet when she had a good idea and she was sincerely thankful for it every time she did. It made her feel much more sure of herself, even if Iris was no expert herself on decision making. 

The day did fly by at least. They had papers to sort through and even a few customers but mostly it just felt quick because they'd only started working after lunchtime. They didn't often get a half-day at work, much less one when they would come in late, rather than leave early. Cattleya probably would have given them the rest of the day off but Iris and Violet didn't mind. They could both use the distraction of interacting with customers right now. 

When the last bell rang through the building Iris was nearly out of her seat before it ended. She hadn't meant to jump up too quickly but it made her realize she was probably more nervous than she initially thought. She looked over to Violet and found her staring down at her metallic fingers hovering over her typewriter. How long had she been frozen like that? 

Come to think of it, she hadn't had a customer for the last half hour of the day so...what had she been trying to write?

"Vie? You okay?" Iris asked as she slowly walked over to her station. 'Dear Trevor,' she read silently from the top of the page and quickly forced her eyes off the page. She wanted to know what the letter said of course but it wasn't her place to read it without Violet asking her too. 

Violet nodded stiffly before she looked up into Iris' face. "I am not sure how to end this letter…" she admitted. "Would you...help me?" Violet asked and Iris felt a smile pull across her lips. She placed a hand on Violet's shoulder before looking back to the page. 

"What's it about?" 

"It is...about how I...would like him to feel comfortable talking to me about any problems he may have since I...am comfortable talking to him about my problems. How he shouldn't feel the need to hide anything from me if he is...I tried to say it in a way that doesn't sound as if I am accusing him of lying to me...but I'm not sure if I have done a good job of it…I just don't know how to sign off on it."

Iris skimmed the page and she had to admit, Violet really had done a good job. Violet was never one to ramble on and all her ideas were stated clearly and concisely. "Well...you clearly like him a lot Violet so maybe 'sincerely' isn't strong enough. You could say…' Yours,' or 'Yours Truly,' or something like that."

"Yours…" she pondered aloud. "Am I...do I belong to him?" Violet asked genuinely and Iris shook her head. 

"No Vie it means like...your heart is his. It's a figure of speech."

"Oh...okay," the blonde nodded her head softly and her fingers hit the keys to type out 'Truly Yours, Violet Evergarden.' 

"Are you going to bring that to him tonight?"

"No I...thought I might just send it through the mail this time."

"Alright well...wish me luck then," Iris sighed as she stood up straight. Violet gave Iris a small smile from her chair before she stood up and reached out. Iris was surprised to find the cold of Violet's fingers clasp around her right hand and hold it there for a moment. 

"It will be fine. You'll be fine," Violet assured her and Iris felt her breath catch in her throat. She hadn't seen Violet act this way with anybody before. Comforting was always a foreign subject to Violet, at least, Iris had thought it was. Maybe she'd been teaching her friend a little more than she realized. 

Iris lifted her arms and pulled Violet into a hug for a moment before she let her go. "Thank you Violet I...I needed that," Iris smiled softly. 

"You are welcome," Violet nodded her head before both girls headed for the door. Out in the hallway they headed to the mailroom and found the door wide open.

Several of the delivery men were there, stuffing their uniforms into their lockers or pulling on their coats for the walk home. Violet headed for the letterboxes and stuffed her sealed and stamped letter into the box that would bring her letter to Trevor's apartment and scanned the room. She could see Iris across the room nervously leaning into a shelving unit, waiting for her opportunity to get Benedict alone. 

The blonde boy was finished at his locker but had taken a little time to catch up with a coworker. Once he looked up though and spotted Iris he decided to help shoo away his co-workers. "I'll see you guys in the morning alright?" Violet heard him suggest. The other men started to file out of the room and Violet followed them out into the hallway. She wanted to stay. A form of studying, she figured, but knew she should leave them be. She shut the door behind her and headed for the stairs up toward the attic. She was tired from traveling and besides, she wanted to get changed before dinner. 

Usually by the time she was done changing the building would be empty, save for Mr. Hodgins anyway. 

/

"Hey," Benedict smiled as he leaned back against the wall of green lockers. "Sorry it took so long," he said as he thumbed the loops in the waist of his army green trousers. 

"It's fine...it's your job," Iris smiled before she felt her vision slip from him to the floor. Her heart was pounding already and she needed to try to calm down. 

"You okay?" He asked and she could hear the genuine concern in his voice. 

"I'm...nervous," she admitted. 

"About what? Was your trip bad?" He asked.

"What? No," she shook her head. Did he really not understand what was happening here? "About this...about...what happened."

"...This? Oh," he finally caught on. "The night Violet had her panic attack…" 

"...I'm sorry that I've been...avoiding you I...didn't mean to ghost you like that I just...I didn't know what to do…"

"It's okay," he sighed. "I didn't really expect it either and...It's not like I made much of an effort to track you down…"

"Did you...hate it?" She stammered, vision still glued to the floor. 

"No, but...I understand if you did," he admitted and she heard him stuff his hands into his pockets. 

"What? No I…" she started as her eyes shot up to his face. She found him leaning his head back against the lockers, eyes glued to the ceiling. "I…"

"...Yes?" He asked as she looked down and their eyes met. 

"Look I...this is really...hard for me…" Iris said as she shook her head. 

"What is? Why is telling me that it was a mistake so hard?"

"Because it wasn't a mistake!" Iris shot back at him and ground her teeth together. "Because I like you, you idiot!" She said before her cheeks flushed bright red and she froze. Her jaw hung open as she stood there in stunned silence at her own words.

He seemed shocked too. His lips parted to speak but nothing came out. Her stomach tightened and she could feel the words in the back of her mind. 'I don't feel the same,' they said over and over again. This was going to end just the same as it had last time. Iris shook her head and tried to get the thoughts buried back down so she could concentrate. 

"The last time I tried to tell somebody how I felt about them...the only other time really...I got completely rejected...it's...really hard for me to say how I feel because of that…" she admitted. She looked back toward the floor and closed her eyes. She heard him stand up straight though and listened as his heels clacked across the wooden floor toward her. "I know we don't have much of anything in common but...I guess somewhere along the way I-" 

She flinched as she felt his hands cup her cheeks and lift her face. Before she could get another word out his lips met hers and once the surprise wore off she melted into his touch. Her eyes drifted shut to match his and she lifted her hands to his chest and let them rest there, open-palmed as she started to kiss him back. 

She couldn't believe how much she'd missed this. They had kissed for the first time and then gone over a week without saying anything to each other and yet...it felt to Iris like Benedict had been craving this just as much as she had been. His hands drew down to her hips and she gasped a little as he lifted her from the floor and gently deposited her onto one of the sorting desks. Her thighs parted and he drew closer to her as her tongue flicked at his lips. They parted easily and her tongue met his, her calves locking around his hips and pulling his body to hers. 

What was happening right now? It had all happened so fast that Iris hadn't even thought about any of it. How much did she really like Benedict? Apparently enough for this to happen only the second time they'd kissed. Sometimes she could swear that she was actually less in touch with her emotions than Violet was. The blonde was so calculated and planned five moves ahead in every action she took. Iris just preferred to wing it and see what happened. 

However, as her thoughts began to overcome her she felt Benedict pull his lips back from hers. "I was really starting to think you hated me you know," he chuckled and she felt a shy smile streak across her face. Her bright golden eyes met his again and she could see that he was breathing just as hard and his cheeks were just as flushed as she thought hers probably were. 

"I don't," she chuckled and shook her head. 

"Good," he sighed in relief. "Cus I like you too…" 

"Really?" Iris laughed and looked down at their hips, still crushed together. "I'd hope you don't kiss girls like that if you don't like them," she laughed and looked back into his face. 

"I don't," he chuckled again. "Do you...wanna go get dinner?" 

"Yes," she answered a little too quickly for her own taste but in truth, she would go anywhere he suggested right now. For food or otherwise. She'd never felt so high on her own emotions before now. No one had ever touched her like that before and she'd never touched anyone back like that. Part of her was thankful that he had had the good sense to stop kissing her though. They were still at work after all. Hell, she was still on the clock. "I gotta go clock out okay?" She asked as she pushed on his shoulders so she could get down from the counter. She hopped down to the floor, steadying herself against him before she led him to the door. 

He followed her downstairs to the time clock and the pair left the building together, headed out to find a place to eat, hand in hand. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

  
  


"Letters you say?" She heard from the darkness. "With the hands that killed all those people?" The words echoed in her mind as she tossed and turned. 

"Hah!" She let out as the ground shook beneath her feet. Her bright blue eyes flew open and she sat up. Her lungs filled with air as her eyes darted around the scene. 

A mortar must have hit and woken her up. That's why the ground had shook around them. "Violet gear up!" she heard from somewhere behind herself. She twisted around and saw Major Gilbert shouting orders above the racket of gunfire. Men sprinted down the muddy corridors around her as she stood and searched her hole for her rifle. She grabbed it up from the earth and swiped the Hem of her dress across the bolt to clear away any mud and dust from the mechanism before she pressed herself forward into the muddy wall of earth and rock. 

She drew in a deep breath and looked to her side where she found the Major, right where he belonged. Part of her wanted to...smile? She thought that that was strange but she didn't know why. She'd never smiled on the battlefield before had she? Had she ever...smiled at all? Violet shook the thoughts from her head and focused her attention forward. That's where it needed to be. She drew in a deep breath and waited. 

Bullets zipped over their heads and out of the corner of her eye she saw the Major raise his hand in a fist. This was it. She'd done it dozens of times. No reason to panic. Just deep breaths...actions...and blood. 

The bullets stopped and his fist dropped. "Charge!" He ordered loudly and Violet drove the toe of her heeled boots into the muddy wall in front of her. She vaulted up over the edge of their trench far ahead of any of the other men and sprinted at the wall of men that came toward them. 

She let out her breath as she swung the butt of her rifle at one of them and it connected solidly with his chest. She twisted around and drew in a long breath before she froze. She exhaled quickly and drew in another breath through her nose. 

Salt? 

There was salt on the breeze. They were in the middle of no man's land. Trenches full of men as far as the eye could see. Why could she smell the ocean? She could feel the breeze blowing her muddy skirt and hair around too. All of the men seemed to ignore her and before she knew it her rifle had disappeared as well. The skin of her hand and arms began to change too, into a dull silvery color until the dull light of day singing through the dust and grime of the battlefield faded to moonlight reflecting off the bay. 

She suddenly felt her weight shift sideways and she crouched down to right herself, feeling the angle of the shingled roof of the postal company beneath her feet. What was she doing up on the roof?

Violet turned and found her curtains flapping in the breeze of the night through her open window. She'd dreamed that? She'd had dreams of the war before but...she hadn't sleep walked during them. She turned back around and nearly fell backward when she realized how close to the edge of the roof she was. Two more steps and she'd have stepped right off the roof and plummeted to the cement walkway below the building. Her heart started to race and her breaths changed to short and shallow gasps for air as she crawled backward on the roof away from the ledge. Violet turned over onto all fours and crawled back to her window, hopping through and nearly falling onto the floor in panic. Her butt hit the wooden floor and she backed away from the window slowly, still breathing far too quickly. She couldn't catch her breath. Her back hit her door after a few more moments and she raised her knees to her chest and buried her face in them. 

She needed to calm down but she just couldn't take deeper breaths. Her body wouldn't let her. Her eyes peeked up over the tops of her knees and if she didn't know better she would swear the room was shrinking around her. 

"You killed all those people," she heard the voice ring out so loud that she could swear it was real. Her eyes darted to her bed and for a moment it looked like a shadowy figure was sat there, staring back at her behind bright green eyes. 

The edges of her vision started to turn black and fuzzy and Violet clenched her fists. She could feel the tears falling from her cheeks now and the words started to fall from her mouth. "Burning," she said quickly and barely had enough breath to get the long word out. "I'm burning!" She gasped. She felt heavy. The dark of the shrinking and spinning room seemed to crowd around her more and more. "I am burning!" She tried to scream but the words barely left her lips. Her voice was horse and rough. Her throat felt tight and she had to fight for every gasp of breath. 

Then her vision was black and her chest felt so heavy that she could no longer breathe. "Help," was the last word she managed to whisper into the darkness before she fainted against her door. 

/

Her eyelids felt hot. Far too hot to keep them closed. Violet's blue eyes flicked open before she had to close then again from the harsh light. The morning sun was shining through her window and glinting off of her hand right into her eyes. She moved her hands and pulled herself a few feet to the right until her face was back in the shadowed area of her bedroom. 

Why was she on the floor? And why was the window open? What time was it?

Violet's mind filled with questions as she sat up and looked back toward her bed. Her blankets and sheets were a mess, half on the floor and half in a messy pile on her mattress. Her curtains flapped in the wind silently and memories started to flood back to her of seeing them flapping out in the night air on the roof. 

The moon, the salty air, the trenches, she thought before it all started to make sense. Why the scene didn't add up and what had happened last night. 

She'd been dreaming of the war...well, she'd had a nightmare really. They weren't exactly uncommon but the actions she took in her dreams had never translated into reality before now. She pulled herself to her feet and tried to stretch. Her muscles were all stiff and in pain from sleeping on the floor all night but she held herself up anyway. 

She retrieved her blankets from the floor and started to fold them before setting them back on the bed. She sat down and pressed her face into her hands, wiping the sleep from her eyes before she felt crusted tears staining her cheeks. She wiped those off too and ran her hands through her hair nervously and stared into the boards of the floor. 

Violet had seldom felt fear in her life. 

It didn't happen at all during the war, other than fearing for the Major's life at the end. Even when she got home she hadn't felt fear. 

Now she didn't just have to be afraid of herself during the day...but while she slept as well. Apparently there were no limits to when and where these panic episodes could get to her. 

Now she would be afraid all the time…

/

When Violet had dressed for work that morning she'd headed downstairs just like any other day. Head held high and her problems buried deep down. 

What wasn't normal was the way she found Cattleya pacing back and forth in their office. None of the other Dolls had shown up for work yet, as usual. Cattleya always came in early to do paperwork and Violet had a not so bad habit of being early. She did just live upstairs after all so it was quite difficult to show up late. 

The hustle and bustle of the building being prepared to open every morning was more than enough to wake her up. Nevermind the sun shining through her window or in the case of this particular morning, shining right into her eyes. 

"Good morning," Violet bowed her head slightly, hands clasped in front of her and Cattleya nearly jumped out of her skin. 

"Oh gosh!" She exhaled loudly as her hand flew to her chest. "Oh Violet," she sighed and closed her eyes, resting a hand on her desk. "Oh you scared me dear."

"I'm sorry...did...you not hear me come in?"

"No no it's okay," she said she righted herself and took a deep breath. "I'm sure you didn't try to sneak up on me. I was just...thinking."

"Is everything okay?" Violet asked her as she headed for her own desk. 

"Well…" she began as she looked toward the door. "...No...actually," she admitted and Violet held her breath. It wasn't often that Cattleya would admit that something was bothering her. She wasn't a very confrontational boss. 

"Would...you like to talk about it?" Violet asked cautiously. 

Cattleya seemed to regard her for a moment in silence and Violet could tell she was worried about what was on her mind. It was in the way her fingers clenched over her heart and the way her lips were parted. Her eyes looked sad. 

Not everyone had such easy tells about the mood they were in as Violet's boss did. She was easy to read and wore her emotions on her sleeves. Violet didn't know if that was on purpose or if it was because she didn't really know how to hide them but she was thankful that she didn't have to struggle to read at least one of the people in her life. 

After a few moments though Cattleya came to sit down across from Violet and she rested her elbows on the table. She sucked in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. "This is not just about me is it…" Violet said softly and she saw Cattleya gently shake her head and huff. 

"You're getting good at reading into things Violet…" she said solemnly, unable to shift her attention from the desk. "Maybe too good for your own well being…"

"Why do you say that?" Violet asked softly. She'd already had enough emotional turmoil this morning but it seemed she may have stumbled her way into some more. "It's about what you were going to say that day isn't it...when I told you Trevor's name…" she inferred and Cattleya ran her hands through her long black hair. 

"That's why…" she smiled a little at that. "You really are amazing Violet," she breathed. "I told you I used to be a dancer...right?"

"Yes, during the war. That is how you and President Hodgins met I believe."

"That's right," she smiled as she rested her cheek into her palm. "I worked in a little town near the front lines at the time and Claudia would come to see me dance all the time," she smiled softly. "It's not often that you get a little infatuated with a member of the audience but...I did," she admitted freely and Violet was thankful to have at least one question on her mind answered. 

She'd been suspicious of her pair of bosses for months now. They didn't really hide it very well if she was honest with herself but she hadn't wanted to read into their behavior too much. It was their business after all, not hers. 

"He would bring different groups of soldiers to see us and have drinks once in a while and show them a good time. Stress relief," She explained. "A night away from the cots and tents and fighting will do a man...or woman," she regarded Violet, "some good."

"I see," Violet said softly. "Why does this concern Trevor though? He was not in the war," Violet began and Cattleya shook her head.

"No he wasn't...but his brother was," she said softly and Violet began to worry. She tried to take a deep breath to shove the feeling down as her boss continued to speak. "Claudia would bring Allen along sometimes. I think he served under him or something because he was there almost as frequently as Hodgins was."

"Was he a bad customer?" Violet asked and she saw Cattleya's face light up before she snorted a short laugh. 

"Oh no Violet...no nothing like that at all," she said as she returned to her somber mood. "He seemed to be a sweet man actually...treated the girls with respect and never stepped out of line. Always helped his comrades stumble home after the night was through…" she said thoughtfully. 

"What happened then?" Violet asked curiously, still trying to keep her breath steady.

"One night an enemy soldier must have snuck behind the lines and followed Claudia to the tavern. Once they were all inside we heard a window smash and...a grenade was thrown in through the broken glass."

Violet's heart was pounding now. Cattleya had really been that close to the action that something like this could happen? Violet would have never guessed. "How did you both survive?" 

Violet had first...well she didn't want to say the word 'hand,' experience of just how destructive their enemy's shrapnel grenades were. One had blown her arm clean off and she hadn't even really been very close to it when it went off. They could slice limbs clean off over twenty feet away. 

"We probably wouldn't have if any other squad had come with Hodgins that night...Allen didn't even hesitate. He fell on the grenade in a heartbeat and took the blast himself…" she explained and Violet's heart stopped. Everything was far too quiet now that Cattleya had stopped talking. She could hear the boards creaking outside their office as workers walked by in the silence. 

"Why are you telling me this," Violet breathed as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Cattleya's hands came up though and swiftly and gently wiped the tears from Violet's eyes with a smile. 

"I just want you to understand Violet...everyone's got their reasons for keeping secrets…"

"Secrets?" Violet gasped. "You mean-" she started but Cattleya cut her off. 

"Iris told me...don't be angry with her please she...was just worried about you Violet…" Violet could only muster the strength to nod her head in silence. 

Iris. 

She'd made her worry about her again. She couldn't be mad at her for this. Not for caring about her, even if it frustrated her. Deep down Violet knew that an adult's consultation could help ease her suspicion of Trevor but she'd gotten far more than she bargained for with this admission from her boss.

"Have you met him then?" Violet asked. 

"Trevor? Yes...I have. His father too. We were in the company that presented his uniform and flag to his family. The war was almost over when he died so when Hodgins asked me to come work for him I moved here. He seems a good man Violet...he just...has ghosts like anybody else…"

"So...what should I do?" She sniffled softly. 

"Just give him a little more time Violet. Don't forget how patient he has been with you...he deserves the same patience from you, okay?" Cattleya smiled softly and Violet instinctively nodded her head. 

"Yes mam," she sobbed a little. 

"I hope your letter loosens him up Violet. So far you have been very good for each other," she said as she stood from the table and walked around it. She wrapped her arms around Violet for a few moments, cradling her head softly into her abdomen. "Sorry for dumping this on you before work…"

"No," Violet shook her head against Cattleya's stomach. "Thank you for telling me I...I needed to hear that...but…" she began to say as she pulled her face back. "What about his father? Mr. Belle…"

"He's...Violet have you met him?" 

"Yes he...does not seem...kind…"

"He isn't," Cattleya said flatly as she headed back toward her own desk. "He can be quite cruel actually. Some of the employees we've poached from the Belle Company have even reported him for physical harassment and worse in some cases…"

"So...you're saying-"

"I'm saying that you are right to be suspicious Violet," she confirmed as she sat down. 

"But...I didn't tell Iris that that is what I was thinki-."

"You didn't have to," Cattleya said as her brilliant purple eyes flicked back over to Violet. "I can read people too you know?" She smirked and Violet blushed. Of course she could. She was a professional. Even more so than Violet. Cattleya had made her new life all about reading people's emotions just the same as Violet had. But she was older and wiser than Violet after all, how could she have not noticed. "Just don't say anything until you are sure okay? You can't go around accusing people of those kinds of things without proof."

"Yes mam," Violet nodded and felt her heart begin to calm. She hadn't realized she'd been holding in a breath so she let it out slowly. "What if I am right though...what do I do?" 

"The police have already been given reports about Mr. Belle's abuse towards his employees and done nothing. They are well paid and have good benefits so they find no reason to believe the claims. The only thing you can do is try to convince Trevor to stand up to his father or to leave the company," she shrugged. "And to be there for him when he needs you."

"I will," she nodded before the pair of women heard the doorknob turning. Erica strolled in and through the open door Violet could see Iris on her tiptoes, hands steadied against Benedict's chest as her lips pressed into his cheek. 

"I'll see you at lunch yeah?" The grey haired girl smiled as she returned to her heels and headed into their office. 

"You got it," Benedict smiled before he caught a glimpse of Violet. He smiled and mock saluted her and his big goofy smile forced one onto her lips as well. Apparently Iris' confession must have gone rather well. 

The door was soon closed and while Erica set straight to work Iris made her way to Violet's desk and sat across from her. Her cheeks were glowing bright red and she looked positively giddy. "It went well then?" Violet asked, smile still etched in the muscles of her face. 

"Yeah it did," Iris hummed and reached out and met Violet's hands with her own. "Thank you so much for encouraging me Violet I really appreciate it."

"I am glad. What did he say?" 

"He thought that I hated him cus I kinda...ghosted him and that's fair," she explained quickly with a little airy laugh in her voice. "I feel so much better now that the air is clear between us. I didn't realize just how nervous I was."

Violet had been trying to formulate a response but she really wasn't sure what to say. She counted herself lucky when there was a knock at their door. Customers would be a welcome distraction today from all of the information she now had to find time to process. She needed to take her time with this. She couldn't jump to conclusions or let Trevor know that she was suspicious. 

But wasn't that like lying...she didn't know for sure if he was lying to her yet and...if she started hiding things from him just because she was suspicious that he was doing the same thing… It seemed like a rather unpleasant cycle to Violet. Like a never ending circle of little white lies that would form into a chain and eventually ruin their trust in each other. 

She just needed to talk to him. That was all. Just spend more time with him until he was comfortable enough with her to rely on her. She could drop subtle hints about how she wanted him to trust her...then...sublty wasn't exactly Violet's strong suit. 

She had to try though. And she would. 

For better or for worse.

  
  
  



	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

"Are you sure this is a good idea…" Violet sighed nervously. Her exposed shoulders were grabbing her attention, along with the silver just below them. Iris was buzzing around her like a fly, trying to help her get ready as Violet watched in the mirror.

The older girl had gotten herself finished before turning her attention to Violet. She'd dawned a similar dress in style to Violet's but it was a far different color. The thick gold straps hung from her shoulders and the dress flowed down her abdomen before spreading into a skirt that hung around her knees just like Violet's grey dress did. They both wore black tights beneath their dresses and each had on a different matching pair of heeled short boots. 

"Yeah of course!" Iris smiled as she looked into her own mirror over Violet's shoulder. The girls had decided to get ready for their double date at Iris' apartment and frankly Violet had been more grateful than she could express. Violet didn't have a mirror to get ready in back at the Postal Company loft and she'd often resorted to using the one that Cattleya kept in her desk in their office since she had gained run of the building. She could get it in, use it, and get out before anyone else showed up for work. 

"But I...my-" Violet fumbled with her words and Iris could see her metallic fingers working their way into the hem of her dress. Iris had never imagined Violet would develop nervous ticks but there they were. They had been showing up more and more lately. 

"Hey," Iris said as she pressed her hands into both of Violet's. Their eyes met in the mirror as Violet took a deep breath. "You look great Violet," Iris smiled. "Besides it kinda looks like you're just wearing those fancy gloves that older women wear," Iris smirked to herself. "Luculia was right, they really do match."

That made Violet smile a little and Iris was happy to see the faintest little perk in her lips. "Alright come on," Iris chuckled before she took Violet's hand and walked her out into the living room. 

Once there though Violet froze and Iris jerked to a stop. "What's wrong?" She asked as she turned back. Violet's expression was fixed across the room though and she seemed stunned. 

"The moonlight." Violet said softly. "It's just like you said."

Iris looked back to see her front room alright with the white light from the moon. The way it lit up the space was just as she had explained to Violet weeks earlier. "Oh right," Iris smiled. "Forgot I mentioned that to you."

"It's...beautiful," Violet gasped as she drew closer. She slowly walked into the light from the large windows and her grey dress seemed to light up pure white, not to mention her pale skin. The light shone off of her arms as well, glinting in several places and sending reflections of light across the room in several places. Violet didn't notice any of this of course. Her vision was focused out the window and up at the wonderful full moon. 

Iris was the one stunned now. She hadn't done much with Violet's makeup. She didn't need to. The young blonde had beautiful features already. She'd simply lined her eyes lightly and brought just the smallest amount of color into her porcelain cheeks. Too much blush and Violet would just look like a clown. 

It was only another moment before Iris heard a light knock at her door. She turned to move for the door and as she made it there she noticed Violet hadn't turned back yet. A gentle smile pulled over Iris' lips as she opened the door. Behind it she found Benedict with his hands in his pocket and Trevor behind him in much the same position.

She pulled Benedict to her side and stepped out of the way as quickly as she could, leaving Trevor in full view of Violet. 

"Ah, hey what th-" Benedict started to complain but Iris raised her finger to his lips and pointed back toward Trevor and Violet. Benedict's eyes followed her fingers and widened considerably when they finally found Violet. She let her fingers drop and the pair watched as Violet finally turned around, her eyes finding her stunned date in the doorway staring back at her. 

Her face felt hot and she so desperately wanted to let her eyes drop to the floor but she did her best to keep them trained on him. 

The boys were not nearly as dressed up as they were. They hadn't expected them to be of course. This was meant to be a surprise. Benedict and Trevor were in much the same outfits as they had been during their first double date but Violet had wanted to go the extra mile tonight. Iris had been all for it of course, now that she actually was together with Benedict and actively trying to learn how to be in a relationship. Trevor stepped further into Iris' apartment and Violet could see him taking in the sight of her. He slowly stepped up to her, heavy boots clacking along the floorboards the whole way until he came to rest before her. 

Trevor held a hand out to her and bowed his head a little and Iris could see him smiling. The blush on Violet's face grew brighter and she met his hand with her own, fingers gently knitted into his before she grabbed the hem of her skirt and curtsied to him. 

"You look amazing Violet," they all heard him breath softly and Iris finally noticed how hard she was smiling when her cheeks started to hurt. 

She felt Benedict lean down beside her and cup his hand around her ear. His breath made her flinch a little and sent goosebumps running down her back. "Nice work," was all he said and she could practically hear his smirk in his voice. Iris hummed to herself in appreciation before she finally spoke up. 

"You guys ready to get going?" 

"Yes," Violet answered with a nod, unable to tear her eyes away from Trevor. She liked when he cleaned up like this. It suited him very well. With his hair held in place and his skin and clothes clear of any grease he really was quite handsome. As the foursome headed out the door Iris locked her apartment and then they were down on the street. They had decided to go dancing for their double date this time and that had made Violet even more nervous than wearing this dress. The cool night air brushed over the exposed skin of her shoulders as they walked and she felt antsy. 

She wanted to bring her hands up to cover them. She hadn't worn anything revealing like this...maybe ever? Even before she'd lost her arms she wasn't sure that any man had ever seen her in something like this dress. The Major's house maid had always dressed her until she'd learned to do it herself so even the Major hadn't seen this side of her. 

Iris had been the one to suggest the dance hall as their destination tonight and Benedict, keen to show her that he could actually dance in his long heels, had agreed. 

"Can you dance?" Violet asked softly as she and Trevor slowly fell behind Iris and Benedict slightly on the sidewalk. 

When Trevor looked back to her he seemed a bit stunned again and she did her best to not read into his silence. The way that the street lamps were reflecting in Violet's bright blue eyes was what had caught his eye and after a moment he offered his hand back to her. She looked down and took it gladly, swearing again that she could almost feel the warmth of his skin from the touch. 

"Not much but...I'm certainly willing to give it a shot if you are," he smirked. Violet felt her face flush and a smile spread across her face. 

She nodded up at him as the smile grew. He always seemed to know just what to say. Maybe she'd been worried for no reason after all? After all, his casts were off and he was the perfect picture of health again. Perhaps he really had just hurt himself at work. It was a dangerous job after all, she reasoned. She hadn't had much history of overreacting to things but...perhaps that came with the package of emotions she was developing. 

Maybe she was just worried about him. She did care for him after all and that was supposed to be one of the things friends did. Worry about each other. Of course they were more than friends...weren't they? She still hadn't kissed him despite how badly she wanted to know what it was like. Would tonight be the night? Could she find a way to work it into the nights festivities? Or was it something you weren't supposed to plan out? Just let it happen?

Iris had told Violet all about the kiss that she and Benedict had shared in the mailroom and it sure seemed like it was supposed to be spontaneous but...how was she to judge when the right moment came? When the right moment came could she shut her mind up and just...do it? How would she even be able to initiate the kiss? He was so much taller than she was, even in these modest heels. She could never reach that high up to kiss him. 

She'd have to get him to kiss her but then that defeated the purpose of worrying didn't it? If Trevor had to make the first move then what did she have to be nervous about? She wanted him to kiss her after all. So if it was just a matter of waiting for him to do it then why did she feel the need to try and calculate the situation like this? Why did she want to plan it if she knew it couldn't be planned out. 

When the group finally made it to the hall and made their way inside Violet felt her nerves become even more strung up. There were a lot of people here. So many more than she could have imagined. The hall was huge. The ceilings had to be at least fifty feet up from the floor and there was an upstairs balcony around the entire open space where people were leaned into the railing, listening and chatting and drinking. The lights were so bright it took more than a few seconds for her eyes to adjust as the other three led her through the small crowd. 

These were the times that Violet questioned if she had a problem with how short she was or not. In her normal day to day life it didn't matter, but now? While squeezing between people with only Trevor's arm to lead her in a sea of bodies that she couldn't see over? She hated it. If he let her hand go right now she'd lose him in only a second. She held her grip tight and grit her teeth until finally they emerged from the crowd and Violet was able to see her friends again. They'd emerged at a bar at the edge of the room and Violet wasn't quite sure what to do. 

Trevor and Benedict stepped up to the counter right away and Violet made her way close enough to Iris to hear her over the music being pumped around the room. 

"Did you order anything?" Iris asked loudly as she leaned down. Violet barely heard her over all the noise. 

"No," Violet said flatly before more words came to mind. "Am I allowed to?"

She'd never ordered anything alcoholic before. She didn't even know if she was old enough to try. 

"Yeah? Why wouldn't you be?" Iris gave her a funny look before realizing exactly who she was talking to. "Ohhh," she mouthed. "Yes you're old enough to drink Violet so if you want to try something just go let him know," Iris smiled and gestured toward Trevor. 

Violet hesistated a moment before she made her way to Trevor's side. He felt her come to rest beside him and looked sideways to her. "There you are," he smiled. "You want anything?" He asked and as she looked up into his smiling face a little more of her nervousness melted away. 

"I...have never tried anything before. I do not know what I would like."

"Well you don't have to ya know?" He smiled and she felt another small wave of relief run through her veins. "You can try mine if you want, or just have something normal. Up to you," he said as softly as he could over the crowd and touched his fingers to her shoulder. 

She felt the touch and nearly jumped. The way his fingers gently brushed against her exposed skin felt electric. Up until now he'd only touched the metal of her hands, never her actual skin. He'd never really had the chance. She was a little worried at how much she liked the way it felt…

"If you don't mind then...I'll try yours," she said as a nervous smile spread across her pink lips. She was now more thankful than before that Iris had added some color to her cheeks. She wasn't sure she'd be able to live with the amount of blushing she might find her cheeks doing tonight. 

As the bartender passed three drinks over the counter Trevor held his out to Violet. The glass was short and cylendrical and filled about halfway with some dark redish brown liquid and a single large block of ice. "What is it?" She asked and looked back up into his eyes for a moment. She refocused on the glass and carefully brought her fingers up to take it from him. The metal of her fingertips clinked on the glass as she focused on holding it steady. 

Trevor fished around in his pocket for his wallet and handed the tender a few bills before turning back to her. "Rum, it's pretty strong for a first drink but who knows, you might like it," he shrugged. 

Violet stared down into the cup for a few more seconds before she brought it to her lips. "Just a little, don't take a big sip," he managed to get out quickly, causing her to pause. She regarded him for a moment before she let the drink pass between her lips, quickly tipping the glass back down. 

Violet felt the shiver coming before it even started. She handed him back the glass as the muscles in her back began to spasm a little and her lips twisted and pursed. The shiver shot up her spine and through her neck and face, metal fingers clinching tightly before she exhaled. 

She could hear Iris trying and failing to stifle a laugh through her nose. "Ahah, like I said, pretty strong stuff," Trevor laughed as his fingers ran up and down the metal of her forearm. "You okay?"

"Yes," Violet nodded as she shook her head again. "It...tasted like...vanilla?" She thought aloud and she looked back up to see Trevor twirling the glass slightly under his nose, taking in the scent.

"Very good," he smirked before he tipped the glass back and Violet watched as the glass emptied in one go. "That's why I like it," he said before clearing his throat and setting the glass back down on the counter. 

"It tasted fine it just...I don't know the word for it," Violet mused aloud as she began to try and focus on the lingering taste in her mouth. 

"Helps to drink it quickly rather than swish it around," he answered her. Violet looked at their other pair of friends and found them both drinking similarly shallow glasses of other colored liqueer. "Do you want anything?"

"Maybe later," she thought aloud as her focus shifted out to the dance floor. The music was very slow in the hall and the crowd swayed back and forth together, almost like the waves in the bay outside her bedroom window. 

"Would you like to dance then?" He asked and she felt him come to rest beside her. She looked up to him and found his brown eyes staring back down at her. 

"I don't...really know how to dance. I don't think I'd be very good at it." She admitted. 

"Well I'm not much good either, so," he shrugged and held his hand out to her. Violet felt the smile bubble up from inside her and lifted her hand to rest it in his. 

"Yes," she smiled and let her eyes drift shut. 

As Iris and Benedict began to drink, Trevor and Violet left the pair behind them and moved through the lighter bits of the crowd out onto the dance floor. Violet really wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. She’d never even seen anyone dance this formally before, nevermind tried to do it herself. She’d never had an excuse or reason to do so until now. As they came to rest before each other Violet stole a glance around the room. She tried to quickly study the body language and positions of the other women in the sea of people.

As she looked back at Trevor she found his hands raising toward her slowly, as if he was unsure or as if he needed her permission to touch her. She nodded slightly and felt a hand rest on her hip and another met her right hand between them. She carefully threaded her metal fingers into his and let her free hand rest up onto his shoulder. She hadn't figured that it would be such a reach but he was so much taller than her after all. 

She could feel her face getting warmer but was slightly comforted by the fact that she could see his face reddening a little as well. "Just follow my lead okay?" She found herself lost in his smile as the pair began to gently rock back and forth, side to side and slowly spin on their small space on the dance floor. 

Violet struggled at first to keep herself from tripping over her own feet. She'd walked in heels or heeled boots for as long as she could remember but this was different. She'd just never moved like this before. Trevor too seemed to struggle a little but he looked as if he was more focused on not stepping on her feet than anything else. She saw him constantly stealing glances down between them to make sure he wouldn't do so and she was thankful for that if nothing else. 

All the while Violet couldn't stop from getting lost in his touch. 

The way his fingers were entwined with hers made them stand out even more than they normally would have. She hadn't caught anyone looking at them yet but then, she wasn't really looking. The world had seemed to melt away around them to Violet. She couldn't even see Iris and Benedict swooning over them from across the floor. All she could see was Trevor. Her date. 

"Trevor," she said quietly. Almost too quietly. She was about to say his name again when his eyes shot up to meet hers. 

"Yeah?" He asked as he leaned his face in a little closer to try and hear her a little better. He turned his head slightly to his right too to aim his ear closer to her but their eyes were still locked. 

He was so close now. If he weren't wearing such tall boots she'd be able to…

Wait...is that why she'd called out to him? Had she wanted him to come closer like this? She wasn't really sure what she'd wanted to say to him, if anything, but now that their faces were so much closer together than they had been she… "I…" she breathed. 

Apparently he hadn't heard her so once again she found him leaning in a little more. Just enough, she figured. 

It was happening before she'd even realized she had moved at all. Violet pressed her toes into the dance floor and her heels lifted from it. She grew about an inch before her lips pressed into the skin of his left cheek and she felt him freeze in place. Her kiss lingered there for several seconds before she returned her heels to the floor. 

She felt warm all over. Every inch of her was on fire. That meant...something. She didn't know quite what but she knew that what she had done surely hadn't been meaningless. She watched Trevor stiffen up and blush very brightly. More so than she'd ever seen a man blush before. She began to worry that she'd stepped out of line or upset him before he finally twitched. He brought her finger tips up to his lips and gently pressed his lips into them and again, Violet could swear on her life that she felt the touch. Her fingers even twitched as if she had felt the contact. 

"Hmm," he smiled a small hum. "What was that for?" He chuckled as they resumed their slow dance. 

"Just...something Iris told me to do," Violet smiled but she saw Trevor give her a strange inquisitive look. 

"Iris told you to kiss me?" He asked 

"No," she shook her head and actually found herself stifling a laugh. 

"She told me to follow my heart."

  
  
  



	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Hours flew by as the pair were joined by Iris and Benedict. Over the course of the night, the music would change several times and Iris would do her very best to try and teach Violet how to dance to faster songs. 

She wouldn't get very good at it but she did show promise. Well, Iris seemed to think so anyway. Violet seemed to improve quite quickly at the slower dances but struggled to grasp the movement of the faster-paced moves. Still, she looked to Iris as if she'd had a wonderful time.

When the group finally started to head home from the hall it was well into the small hours of the morning. Violet hadn't stayed up so late in months...years even. Not since the war. She'd spent countless nights waiting up and keeping watch over her squadmates in fox holes or trenches. 

"You guys can all stay overnight if you want to," Iris spoke up as they started down the sidewalk. They'd all walked from her apartment as she lived the closest to the dance hall out of them all. "Might be a little cramped but you're welcome to stay," she smiled and slipped her hand into Benedict's. The blonde man smirked a little as Iris knocked her hip sideways into his. "Boy's in the living room though," she chuckled. 

Trevor and Benedict laughed a little at that and Violet took more than a few heartbeats to realize what was funny. She hadn't even considered the idea of sleeping in the same building as Trevor, nevermind the same room, or even bed. If Violet thought about it a little harder she'd have probably realized that Iris hadn't drawn that line in the sand to protect Violet, but more likely as a way to police herself and Benedict instead. 

Things had escalated quickly lately between the two co-workers. After their overly passionate kiss in the mailroom, Iris had found herself struggling to keep her hands off of the delivery boy. 

It was just so easy to kiss him. Already the pair had become a little too comfortable with the idea of being together. Iris hadn't wanted to rush into anything since she'd never dated anyone before but keeping her hands and lips to herself was proving more difficult than she'd imagined. 

It was just the thought of it. Not so much the thought of Benedict himself but the fact that he was hers. That she finally had somebody. That she could call someone 'hers.' She'd wanted it for years and now that she had it her mind never stopped racing and neither did her heart when he was near. She was constantly worried she'd say or do the wrong things or that he'd grow tired of her quickly. She worried so much about her own problems now that she'd started to stop worrying about Violet so much. But tonight she could finally be alone with her friend for a while and gauge how the blonde was doing. 

As they made it back to Iris' apartment, she pulled Violet into her bedroom where they'd left their clothes folded up and ready for them to return. 

"Looked like you two had a pretty good night huh?" Iris smiled giddily and watched Violet begin to fidget. The metal of her fingers scraped across each other softly as her cheeks flushed pink and her vision dropped to the floor. 

"Yes," Violet answered softly and Iris' smile softened. 

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about Violet," she chuckled and began to peel her dress off. It fell on the floor around her as Violet's attention stayed fixed on the floor. 

Iris pulled her long, red nightgown over her head and smoothed it out as it fell around her body, and only then did Violet look up. She'd brought her sleepwear as well, just in case. Iris had mentioned that this could turn into a sleepover for at least the two of them but she hadn't expected the boys to stay over. Neither of them had brought anything to sleep in. 

"Are you tired?" Iris asked without returning her eyes to Violet. Instead, she crossed the room to her nightstand and looked back at herself in the mirror. Violet watched as she reached for a brush on the desk and began to brush out her short grey hair. 

The blonde began to slowly pinch at the straps of her dress and let them fall off her shoulders. She still wasn't used to this but...if it meant nothing to Iris then why should it mean something to her? She let the dress fall around her feet before she reached out to the bed and grabbed up her own white nightgown. She pulled it on slowly before joining Iris at the nightstand. "Not really," Violet finally answered. 

"Here sit down," Iris suggested as she pulled the chair out from her small setup. As Violet took a seat and looked back in the mirror, Iris set to taking Violet's hair down and brushing it out. "We can go back out and hang out with the guys until you're tired then? Unless you'd like some alone time with him," Iris smirked and Violet felt her cheeks heat up and her stomach drop. 

She swallowed hard, trying to gulp down her nervousness but it didn't really work. "I...just want to talk to him is all…" she finally let out and Iris smiled as she rested her hands on Violet's shoulders. 

"Okay. Well, come on then. They are probably bored out there.”

As the girls left Iris' room though, they found Benedict alone in the living room but they could hear running water from the bathroom.

"Trevor washing up? Looks like you already got comfortable," Iris smirked.

Benedict had already lost his heels at the door and was gazing out the large open windows up at the moon. "Yeah, he actually had clothes to change into in the satchel on his bike."

"Really? Wonder why?" Iris mused. 

"He said he put them there recently in case he had a date after work with Violet," Benedict smirked. "Something clean to change into."

"...He really...said that?" Violet asked, a little surprised. 

"Impressive," Iris mused quietly as she watched Violet begin to fumble with her fingers buried into her nightgown again. 

"That is...very thoughtful of him," Violet breathed out and the pair saw a small smile pull at the corners of her mouth. 

The room fell silent for a few moments before they all heard the latch turn in the bathroom door and Trevor emerged into the dim moonlit room. 

"Pss," Iris let out quickly and Benedict's vision shot over to her. She nodded her head back toward her bedroom and took a step back toward it. 

"I thought you said-" he began with a smirk before she cut him off. 

"Just get in here," Iris rolled her eyes with a soft smile. Benedict shifted to his feet and retreated into Iris' bedroom without another word and Iris gently shut the door behind them. 

They were alone. 

Violet looked to where her date was standing at the edge of the living room. She found him in more comfortable attire. Still not what she figured he slept in but still, more comfortable than dress pants and a buttoned shirt. He was simply in a clean pair of his tan work pants and a clean white undershirt. It was tight to his skin and Violet couldn't tear her eyes away from the way it lined the faint muscles of his chest and abdomen. The way the sleeves clung to his subtly chiseled bi-ceps.

"Trevor…" she began softly and watched him stiffen. She figured her tone might make him a bit nervous but she couldn't help it. "Did you have a good time tonight?" She asked. 

"Yes I did," he admitted easily and let out a long breath. He walked over to where she was standing before he flopped backward onto Iris' couch. She found him looking back and forth between the moon and herself and felt her cheeks grow warmer each time the brown orbs flicked side to side. "How about you?" 

"I did," Violet smiled and took a seat beside him. "Very much actually."

"Good," he sighed in relief. "You seemed to pick up dancing pretty quick."

"It was not entirely different from some of the drills we ran in combat practice. The slower dances anyway," she explained. "The faster ones were quite difficult. They seem to be more...free form," she tried to explain and watched him nod his head. 

"Yeah, you'd be right about that. I'm not much good at either of them but still, it was fun," he smiled at her and she felt her heart flutter. "And I'm really glad you had a good time Violet."

"Me as well," she nodded back and slowly, lifted her hand to reach out for him. He caught the gesture with his own and she watched as his thumb began to run over the back of her metal palms. There was the feeling again. "Trevor...about the...what I did…"

"You mean when you kissed my cheek?" He said softly and she found him staring down at their hands. 

"Yes."

"You know I don't...want you to move any faster than you want to...right?" 

"It's not that," Violet shook her head softly and she found his eyes raised to meet hers. "I do not regret it at all, unless...you did not want me to," she reasoned and saw him sit up straight and shake his head. 

"No, no not at all I just...wanted to make sure that you hadn't done that because you thought I wanted you to."

"No, I...I wanted...want...to…" she began to trail off and fumble with her words. They were so close again. Closer than they had ever been and this time there was no crowd around them...no one to watch or to judge them.

Just she...and him. 

The pair sat beside each other on the couch and Violet had turned to face him, one leg on the couch and the other hanging off. She'd begun to lean forward without really meaning to. He could probably feel her breath on his lips by now. "I…" she breathed again. 

One hand was still entwined with his but the other now rested on his thigh for support as she leaned over his lap. She saw him bite down on his lower lip and hesitated. There was something in the way he looked at her now. Something she'd not seen in his eyes, or anyone's eyes thus far. She couldn't put her finger on it. 

"Are yo-" she began but was cut off by the sudden advance of his face. Even before his lips pressed into hers she'd fallen silent, forgetting what she'd wanted to ask. Violet's eyes widened for a moment in surprise before they fluttered shut and she let her lips relax into his. 

Their touch was softer than Violet imagined it would be. She couldn't tell if that was because Trevor’s lips were so soft or if it was because he was holding back. Either way, she could hardly focus on the question, her head was already swimming so much. She couldn’t think of anything. No words, no actions. She was simply frozen there, hand on his thigh and lips on his. 

She knew she’d wanted this but up until now, she hadn't really understood why. Violet didn't have much experience with desire. She’d never wanted for anything in her entire life, other than to see Major Gilbert again when she believed he was still alive. Other than that it was just day after day of following orders and doing what she thought she was supposed to be doing. Even if she had ever wanted something, she'd never have asked for it. The only exception to that was her broach, and the Major had explicitly told her to pick something out for herself that day. She’d have never thought to ask for something out of the blue. 

But the way she had wanted to kiss Trevor was all completely new to her. The way that her stomach felt empty every moment she had waited for him to make the move. Or the way her lips ached like she had been smiling for too long again. This ache was a bit different though. It was as if her body was trying to tell her what loneliness meant, rather than that she was simply hungry or tired. 

'I just want to know,' the words flashed through her mind. She was a little startled to be thinking of them again. She did want to know but...it was more than that. Especially now that she did know what it felt like. And if you asked Violet...she couldn't much think of anything she knew that felt better than this. 

When she finally pulled back from Trevor she finally felt his hand on her hip. She hadn't felt him place it there. She'd been too focused on how his lips felt. So soft and wet and...right. it almost startled her how right it felt to kiss him. 

As she opened her eyes, she felt him staring back at her with more than one emotion filling his dark brown eyes. They looked positively black at this time of night, and the moon reflected off them so bright that she could almost make out the craters in its surface through his black orbs. 

She wasn't sure, but she thought that at least one of the emotions she could read from his eyes was confusion or surprise. Violet had suspected that her actions would surprise him. Hell, they had surprised her as well. She hadn't planned this out or tried to find the perfect time to finally kiss him but...she'd wanted it. 

She'd wanted for little in her life but God...she'd wanted to kiss him. 

She'd no idea how long she'd been waiting...how long she had been ready to finally kiss him, but now that she had she felt like she was floating. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was breathing quite heavily as if she'd just been running. Like she'd just rushed a room full of soldiers and fought till the last woman standing. Was it supposed to feel this way? Feel...dangerous?

"Violet," Trevor said softly, and she got the sense he was just as starved for breath as she was. His tone seemed...curious? She thought that was it anyway. She still couldn't identify the other emotions in his face and eyes but she knew she had to say something. 

"I…" she began to say but suddenly realized that she didn't know what she wanted to say. What were you supposed to say after you kissed someone for the first time? She didn't know. No one had ever trained her for this. She never thought she'd get this far. She'd expected to be thrown out like trash after the war was won...not reformed into a...mostly, normal girl. "Did I...do something wrong?" She asked and Trevor's lips were moving almost before she'd even got the question out.

"No! No Violet not at all," he shook his head. 

"You...you look...distressed," Violet said softly before she spoke again. "You have...seemed distressed for a while now actually."

Trevor fell silent for a long moment while Violet straightened herself out on the couch beside him. She could tell he was deep in thought and she had to bite her tongue to keep from saying anything more. 

"So you...kissed me because you thought I've been...distressed?"

"No," Violet shook her head once. "I kissed you because I…" she began before she lowered her voice and continued. "Because I wanted to...and because I thought you wanted me to. I'm sorry if I was wrong."

"You weren't wrong Violet," he sighed as he looked down and took her hand in his. "About anything...You're right I've...had a lot on my mind lately"

"Well...if you would like to...talk about it then I am here to listen. I may not be very good at sympathizing but I...I care for you…" she stressed and he felt her squeeze his hand gently.

Trevor was silent again for several moments before she watched him look back up toward the large windows, and to the moon, rather than at her. "Violet have you ever felt...trapped…"

"Trapped?" She asked softly. 

"Yeah like...not quite like captured but like...stuck. Like no matter what you do to try and fix something it just...can't be fixed…"

Violet racked her mind for a few seconds before conceding, "no I...don't think so. Do you...feel...stuck?"

"Yeah, I...I have a for a long time."

"Stuck with...me?" She asked as she watched Trevor's fingers clench around her own. 

"No. Never Violet," he shook his head. "If anything, you're the only reason that I've had to keep trying," he smiled softly. 

Violet felt a long sigh of relief leave her lungs and was surprised to find that she had been holding her breath. She'd been worried lately that Trevor had been growing sick of her but apparently that wasn't the case. She was afraid she'd been moving too slow for him. 

"Why or...where, do you feel stuck then?" She asked. She thought she knew the answer but she figured it would be better to lead Trevor into telling her what she had suspected for weeks, rather than to ask him outright. She didn't want him to get nervous and stop talking now. 

"I…" he started and took a breath. "At work," he sighed. He ran a hand through his hair as he leaned forward. "With my...father."

"You...do not seem to be very...compatible with him," Violet tried to pick her words carefully. This was difficult. She'd never had to sugar coat anything in her life. If someone asked her a question she gave the most straight forward answer she could think of. It had gotten her into trouble a few times before she'd started to realize that sometimes she needed to pick and choose the truths she told to people. She could skirt around the more painful truths and focus on the lighter facts that would make customers smile but...Trevor wasn't a customer. He wasn't someone she was trying to please for the benefit of a paycheck. 

He was her partner.

He was the closest person she had in her life at this point and she knew that if she held back too much she might give him the wrong idea or worse, never get the information that was so clearly bothering him out of his mind and into the open air. Out where it could finally be dissected and worked on...together. 

He seemed to huff a short laugh out of his nose before he turned his head up to look over at her. "Yeah I guess you could say that…" he said with a weak smile. 

"I...may I confess something to you?" She asked, unable to hold the question back any longer. 

"Of course Violet," he said with a confused glance. 

"I...have been told by my boss that...many of our employees have worked at your Father's company in the past and...have reported that he can be...abusive to his staff…"

Trevor fell silent again and she watched as his shoulders raised and fell once as he sighed toward the floor. "You want to know if I keep getting hurt because of my Father or because I'm clumsy at work...right?" 

Violet didn't have to answer. She nodded silently and swallowed hard, awaiting her answer. He drew in another breath before he looked back up to the moon and she saw it light his face back up. "Well...I'll tell you one thing Violet...you're a lot better at reading people than you think you are," he smiled weakly and her stomach dropped. That was answer enough, but when he continued to speak Violet went still and for the first time in a long whole, her throat began to close up as she struggled to hold back tears.

"I wouldn't be the best damn operator in that shop if I was even half as clumsy as I've been letting you believe I am…"

/

"Hmm?" Hodgins hummed in surprise. "Ah," his jaw dropped as he pushed a stack of letters to the side and they spilled over the side of the front desk. He didn't pay them much mind through as his vision stayed fixed on the one letter he'd found in the stack. 

It was addressed to him personally, and while that wasn't exactly uncommon, the place it had come from was.

He'd been sending letters out for years now. All over the country with photos of Violet and physical descriptions, along with the time and date that she had come into the possession of the Bougainvillea family. Almost none of the letters had been graced with a response, and all of the ones that did had not only been useless, but they'd stopped showing up over a year ago now. 

He'd figured that that would be the end of it but now, as his fingers worked their way into the envelope and yanked it open he found himself hopeful that this could really be the one. As he pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to unfold it though, a photo dropped out from between pages and landed upside down on his desk. He looked down at the laminated piece of paper and reached for it. He could see that it was labeled in faded black ink but the words on the back were still just barely legible. 

He strained his eyes for a moment to read it and as the words became clear they opened back wide in surprise. 

"Blue Family?" He breathed before he flipped the picture over and froze. 

He dropped the letter on his desk and jumped up to his feet in shock as he kept staring down at the photo. In it were two adults, one man, and one woman, each with fair blonde hair and blue eyes and white skin. Beside them was a boy, about twelve with nearly matching features and a small braided section of hair that hung down to his left shoulder. 

Between the two parents was what remained of a little girl's figure. Her face was blurred and smudged but it was plain to see that she was younger than the boy and had very long blonde hair, nearly all the way down her back. 

"Oh my god."

  
  


End of Chapter


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

  
  


What is a person supposed to do when they find out that they were right...but they wished they were wrong? You can't just...say "I knew you were lying to me." Even Violet knew that that was a little _too_ insensitive. But you can't just leave it alone either. You can't simply leave the issue to fester, especially when it not only bothers you but harms the people you care about. And if that person being harmed doesn't know how to handle the problem either than what is left to do? 

Was it wrong to care about someone who willingly let harm into their life? Was that supposed to ruin the idea of being with that person? Or was it meant to do the opposite? Should she want to save her friend or was she supposed to cut him off entirely for allowing himself to be abused? 

These were not questions that Violet Evergarden was ever taught to answer and she was now worried, for the first time ever, that she may never be equipped to answer them. 

When Trevor had admitted to her that he was being abused by his father in that roundabout way...she hadn't known what to say. They'd gone to bed that night in separate rooms and she hadn't seen him since the morning after that. Granted, that was normal. They didn't live together and didn't work together so naturally, they could not see each other every day. It had only been the rest of the weekend that she'd been apart from him but still this...rotting and uncomfortable, _unwelcome_ feeling had risen in her stomach. 

She felt...guilty? Perhaps. She wasn't sure if that was the right word but she _was_ sure she hated the taste of it. Guilt would perhaps explain the way she felt empty. Like she should be with him right now but she couldn't be. That somehow, having the knowledge that he was in pain but she wasn't able to simply eliminate the thing causing him pain made her useless. She hadn't felt this useless since being in her hospital bed. 

A weapon with no one to kill. No enemy to fight, no orders to carry out. Just Violet, her mattress, and her thoughts. It had been the hardest thing she'd ever done up to that point. Fighting was easy. _Killing_ was easy. 

Sitting still and waiting for the Major to tell her she could come back to the front lines was most certainly not. 

Now just the thought of the number of people she'd killed made her stomach churn and her metallic fingers tremble. 

And now she had a new problem. One that probably could be solved by killing, but that wouldn't help Trevor nor would it help Violet. She was a civilian now. Killing or even intentionally hurting someone was a crime. She couldn't just walk into the Belle company and confront his father. It had nothing to do with her. Especially after what Cattleya had told her. He'd been reported before so clearly, the police didn't believe his accusers. 

She'd told her to get Trevor to fess up though. At the very least that was what she'd hinted at. That the cops might believe it if it had come from within the family but even then...what if they didn't believe him. 

What if Trevor was afraid to fess up for a good reason. What if, when he stood up for himself and told the truth, his father did something in return that couldn't be fixed with a cast and some bed rest. 

Not all wounds can be healed with silver prosthetics.

Not all things can be fixed. She wasn't even sure that Trevor took this seriously enough to want it to be fixed in the first place. He had admitted to her that he felt stuck, implying that he _did_ want to find a way out but that it had proved to be easier said than done. 

Violet's head perked up from her work as the lunch bell shouted over the rest of the noise of the building. She let out a long breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding and headed for the door. When she got there though she found Hodgins about to knock. 

"Violet," he said and she noted that he looked a little more stiff than usual. 

"President Hodgins," she acknowledged and opened the door the rest of the way. "Did you need something?" 

"Actually I was," he began as he scratched the back of his head. "Wondering if you could come join me in my office for a few minutes."

"Of course," she blinked and though she was curious she didn't let it show on her face. Her mind was elsewhere. She followed him back down the hallway and into his office where she found Benedict standing in the center of the room. 

"Thanks for coming you two," Hodgins sighed as he headed to his desk. Violet joined Benedict and she could tell he seemed a bit uneasy as well. It wasn't like Hodgins to grab them on their lunch break. It was odd for him to need to have a meeting with Violet at all. Benedict was in and out of this office all the time but Violet was a perfect employee. Never late and never caused problems, well, not anymore anyway. 

"Is something wrong?" Violet asked as she watched her boss reach into his deck and retrieve what looked to be a photograph. 

"Well I wouldn't say wrong," he answered before he placed the photo down on his desk. "I just don't really know what you'll think of this. I can't tell you how to feel about this...nor do I know if you'll believe it…" he sighed and motioned with his finger for them to come to the desk. 

Benedict and Violet slowly stepped up to the desk and looked down into the picture. Both of them fell silent for more than a few heartbeats and Violet could feel the air of the room change around Benedict. She looked over to him out of the corner of her eye and found him wide-eyed and surprised by the contents of the photo. 

Four people, all blonde and all with brilliant blue eyes. Two parents, one little boy, and one even younger little girl. It wasn't hard for Violet to tell who the boy was. He barely looked any different and even had the same hairstyle as her co-worker. In the bottom corner of the picture, there were a few words that only served to confirm what Violet suspected, and likely Hodgins had called Benedict in his office for. 

"That's you," Violet breathed and looked back at her boss. "You found Benedict's family?" 

"Is this real?" Benedict finally asked as his hands went to the picture and lifted it closer to his face. 

"I can't prove to you that it's fake or not," Hodgins admitted. "But I see no benefit of it being a fake. That picture came from an old abandoned library in Liefheim. Public records were stored there until a fire broke out in the town twelve years ago and they've been slowly sifting through them ever since."

"You've...been looking for my family this whole time?" Benedict looked up at his boss but was surprised to find Hodgins shaking his head. 

"No, actually that's...the reason that Violet is here as well. That letter was not sent to me for you," he glanced back at Benedict. "That picture was sent to me to show to Violet."

"Wha-" she breathed before her vision flicked back over to the photo. Benedict looked a little confused at first but then, Violet watched him hold the photo up beside her face and watched his eyes flick back and forth between his friend and the laminated piece of parchment. "You can't mean that…" she trailed off as she watched as Benedict's eyes got wider and wider. She thought that they may fall out of his head, he was gawking at her so much. 

"As I said, I can't prove it to you but the fact remains that that photo was sent to us as a response to one of the dozens of letters I've sent out trying to find out where you came from Violet." Hodgins took a breath and rested his chin in his hands. "That's the only response I've received in over two years of trying to figure out how you came to be in Major Gilbert's home that day. They probably had no idea that Benedict worked here as well. An astronomical coincidence I know but...I felt you should both see it anyway."

"I do not understand," Violet began and she could feel her bottom lip threatening to tremble. "I do not understand what you are saying."

"Violet you…" Benedict started slowly and her eyes tracked back to him. He held the picture out to her and her eyes met the little girl's blue eyes. "She _does_ look like you," Benedict admitted quite easily and Violet felt her fingers begin to flinch. 

"You did not tell me you were looking for my family," Violet said as she looked back to her boss. "You are trying to say that this girl is me?"

"Like I said there's no way to be one hundred percent sure but...no one else has ever responded to those letters before Violet. The record keeper wrote that the Blue Family's house burned down in the fire and people were only able to find one child in the building," he nodded toward Benedict. "They weren't able to locate any other family you may have had. There was no orphanage in the small town so they shipped you off to Leiden. The parent's bodies were unrecognizable from the fire and buried but the little girl's body was never found."

"You're saying...that I am...that we are," Violet gasped as she looked back up at their boss.

"I'm saying that if either of you has any real family left in this world...it might just be each other," Hodgins answered and actually smiled a little. 

His smile confused her even further though and the more she thought about the more her mind and body began to fight each other on the subject. 

This news was meant to be joyous. At least, Violet was pretty sure it was. But it made her insides feel like they were melting. She felt sick. Nervous and worried and all mixed together with the weird sensation of her lips twitching as if they wanted to turn up into a smile. It made no sense. There was pressure behind her eyes too and her throat felt dry and as if it were closing up. 

"Vie," Benedict started and she felt his hand touch against her shoulder. She flinched and looked over to him, their bright blue eyes meeting suddenly and her vision swam. "Violet are you okay?" He asked and Violet began to feel as if she were sinking. 

It was like one of those dreams you had sometimes where you found yourself very suddenly falling. Her thoughts were nothing but whisps and her legs felt like slush. Cold and heat flashed through her face and limbs as she began to fall, but she was quickly caught by Benedict as he grabbed for her other shoulder and held her up. 

"Violet!" He raised his tone at her and walked her over to a vacant chair in the office. He helped her into the seat and crouched in front of her, hands gripped on her metal forearms to steady her. Violet shut her eyes tight and tried to suck in a deep breath but her throat still felt so tight. There were fingers on her skin then, on her cheeks and she let her eyes crack open just enough to find Benedict staring back at her with worry filling his face. Hodgins was out of his chair too and rushing around the room. He was more of a blur than her co-worker was and Violet could hear the distant sound of clinking, like teacups bumping into one another. 

Soon enough her suspicions were confirmed as Hodgins came back into view and she felt a porcelain cup meet her lips. She could hear them speaking but it was all muffled as if they were trying to speak to her through a thick blanket. The cup tipped up and she felt the cold water rush down her throat and the feeling of it was enough to snap her up a little. She blinked a few times and began to swallow while the room slowly stopped spinning around her. 

"You okay?" She heard Benedict ask again as the cup was removed from her mouth. 

"I-" she began but couldn't find the words. All her mind was filled to the brim with the thoughts that her issues were no longer a secret. Her business was now their business. 

They would know she'd only been getting worse since her first stress attack. 

"I'm sorry," she blinked and brought her hand to her face, using the cold metal to cool her forehead. "I'm okay I-" she looked back to Benedict and tried to find the words. "I just became overwhelmed."

Benedict's easy smile spread across his lips as he stood from his perch before her and stepped back. "I can't say I blame you. That was some serious news," he said as he folded his arms across his chest. "Do you really believe that Hodge?" 

Violet found her boss's expression a little mixed at first. She figured he wanted to scold Benedict for addressing him so informally but Violet thought he was probably holding that scolding in. This wasn't the right time to be correcting Benedict about such insignificant things. 

"Well there's no denying that you two resemble each other, and the kids in the picture. I see no real reason to not believe it," he finally mused. 

"I did not mean-" Violet began and the two men returned their gazes to her. She drew back into the chair as she felt their eyes on her and she swallowed hard. "I hope that you do not think I do not want it to be true," she finished softly and jammed her thumbs into the lining of her dress. The room was quiet for a moment and Violet was afraid that she'd said something wrong until her eyes met Benedict's again. He was smiling more brightly than she thought she'd ever seen. 

"No Violet," he chuckled and Violet felt herself finally exhale. "You didn't."

"I just...I do not know what I am feeling. It was just so much all at once that I-" she started but fell silent when Benedict held his hand out to her. She felt a small grin pull across her lips as she rested her fingers in his and let him help her to her feet. She felt a little wobbly for a few moments but allowed herself to be steadied against Benedict's arm before Hodgins spoke up. 

"Why don't you two take this," he said as he held out the opened letter and the photo to Benedict, "and take the rest of the day off huh?" 

"You sure?" Benedict asked before Violet began to protest. 

"I am still capable of completing my duti-"

"I know you are Violet," Hodgins held up his hands. "I just think you two should have a little time to talk about this together. That's all."

Violet drew in a breath again before nodding. "Yes sir."

"Thanks," Benedict breathed softly, still a little surprised. He turned to Violet and looked down to find her hesitating. "Why don't we go get lunch?"

Violet just nodded and let Benedict lead her out of the building and out onto the sidewalk. They walked in silence for a long time, neither of them able to break the silence and the longer they walked the more Violet's mind began to bubble over with all the words she should be saying. None of them felt right though. They were all half-thoughts and unfinished sentences that seemed to go nowhere but if she kept quiet for too long then Benedict really was going to get the wrong idea. She didn't want him to think that she didn't believe, or didn't _want_ to be his sibling but what was she supposed to say?

There was a far more sinister reason for her silence though. The reason that all of her sentences melted away in her mind before they could reach her lips. 

She hadn't been found. 

Someone had pulled Benedict from that building and they hadn't found her there with him. Someone else had snatched her up and never looked back. What if it wasn't an accident.

"Are you really okay?" Benedict finally broke the silence. She looked over and found him walking with his hands buried into his pockets. 

"No," Violet shook her head. Why hide it?

Benedict hummed a little in amusement. "Well good for you for saying so at least."

"I am a bad liar," she admitted and Benedict couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him. 

"That's a good thing. Don't ever let anyone tell you different."

"You do not think I don't want to believe it...do you?"

"No...I think you'd tell me if you didn't believe it to be honest with you Violet," he shrugged and Violet stopped in her tracks. Benedict stopped and turned back to face her. "I think something else is bothering you and that's why you're so...jumpy," he finished carefully and Violet gave him a strange look. 

"Jumpy?"

"You know, like," he tried to explain. "Emotional."

"Emotional," she breathed. "Overwhelmed?"

"Yeah," Benedict blinked. "Yeah, like you said in Hodgin's office. Feeling too many different things at once," he said and suddenly all the pieces seemed to snap together in his mind. She could see the question on his face too and she pressed her lips together tightly, hoping he wouldn't ask. 

"Wait have...have you been fainting more lately?" He asked slowly and Violet's fingers tightened around the fabric of her dress. Something hurt in her chest now. It hadn't before but now it felt like her chest had been hollowed out. Something was coming but it didn't feel like an attack. Rather, it felt like something vile was crawling and scratching it's way up her throat and she was powerless to stop it. It wanted out and Violet didn't even know what it was until the word had hit her own eardrums. A word, probably what was the first of its kind, passed through her lips, and as soon as it had Violet felt a wave of something that she knew all too well. She didn't have a handle on a lot of emotions but she knew that one like the back of her new hands. 

Regret. 

"No. I haven't."


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

How is one supposed to feel at a time like this? So many new emotions, so little time to process them all. It was just too much. 

She was happy, of course, to find out that she and Benedict were probably siblings. That meant she had someone. She'd never really had a family member before. Major Gilbert had been something akin to a father figure but then, he was also more than that in a lot of ways. She hadn't known it at the time but in her time as an Auto Memories Doll, Violet had begun to understand that she did in fact love him. That she still loved him. Now though, she had a family member. A real one. Related by more than an adopted last name. 

Was she supposed to go around introducing herself as Violet Blue now? It didn't have the same ring to it as her adoptive name. Besides, that wouldn't have been her name as a child anyway. Major Gilbert had named her Violet. Violet wasn't her real name, and if this picture she'd been given was the only evidence of her existence then she would probably never know her real name anyway. Unless Benedict's memories came back to him one day and he remembered her name. 

Short of that, she would probably be Violet Evergarden for the rest of her life. Well...what if? "Violet...Belle," she breathed slowly. Where had that come from? Her chest ached in an all too familiar way now. Longing. She knew it well at this point. That was one of the aches she knew which label belonged on now. 

It didn't sound so bad really but...all it made her think of was how much Trevor hated his own last name. Not to mention how absurd the notion was in the first place. That she could actually...really love him. Love him enough to be wondering if he loved her back. Enough that the thought of marriage was very suddenly, and startlingly, something that could actually happen in her life. They'd only been seeing each other for around seven months now. Violet had no idea if that was the right amount of time for those thoughts to be cropping up but she also didn't know if she should be thinking that way at all. 

She loved Major Gilbert. That fact was never going to go away. So how could she possibly love someone else? She didn't think it was supposed to work that way. 

Add that apprehension together with Trevor's situation with his father and you had a real dilemma on your hands. That whole mess had accounted for another one of the feelings tugging at her heart. Sorrow, she thought it might be or maybe just confusion. 

Another was regret and that one stung the most. She knew what regret was, she'd experienced that one right away after waking up in the hospital. Regret that she hadn't performed better, and later, regret that she had cost the Major his life. 

Now she regretted nothing more than lying to Benedict. Her brother, of all people, had been the first person that she had ever successfully told a lie to and it hurt. It ate at her insides like a demon trying to turn her inside out. She carries it with her everywhere she went and it sat on her tongue in such a way that no amount of scrubbing would get it off. 

She just couldn't let anyone else know that she was barely holding on by a thread. She needed to be strong and help Trevor through his problems. His father's abuse was far more important and threatening than her stupid panic and stress attacks. In her own eyes anyway. She was afraid her friends and co-workers wouldn't see it that way. Afraid that the company would force her to take a vacation so she could  _ relax.  _ As if that would ever help her calm down. All it would do would force her to be alone with her thoughts an extra eight hours a day and this whole mess would only become more confusing. 

They'd talked about it at least. 

After she'd lied to Ben the pair had gotten lunch and discussed what they both thought of the news. They'd agreed that it was pretty likely but that they really didn't need to change the way they lived their lives. They were already great friends and co-workers after all. They each had their own apartments and their own lives and as long as Benedict's amnesia persisted, Violet had nothing to question him about. She wouldn't learn anything about who she had been before by trying to pry information out of him that he didn't have. 

There was really only one person left in this world that she could question about that particular subject and if he didn't have the answers then that would be that. Violet wasn't entirely sure she wanted the answer anyway. What would she do if the answer was something sinister and criminal? It would have happened nearly fifteen years ago and there would be no way to prove to the authorities that she was telling the truth if she even tried to get them involved. 

The thoughts had eaten away at her all the way to the estate though and she had been buzzed through the large black gates and shining marble walls before she'd even realized that this was where she had been walking too. 

She waited patiently at the front door and when it opened, her blue eyes shot up to meet the seafoam green eyes she had expected to see. 

"Violet?" He sounded a bit shocked. "What are you doing here?"

Violet hand reflexively shot up to her forehead, "Captain Dietfriend," she let out robotically as if it were rehearsed. It took her a moment to realize what she'd done before she shook her head and lowered her hand. "Sorry, I...didn't mean to interrupt you."

"It's alright I suppose," he sighed and folded his arms across his chest. He leaned into the doorframe a little and looked her up and down. "What can I help you with?"

"I...may I ask you a question, sir?" 

"Violet you're not in the military anymore," he reminded her. "Relax a little, you're going to give yourself a heart attack," a small smirk played on his lips and Violet took a deep breath. Major Gilbert's brother, Dietfriend, had never been an overly formal man. The way he spoke and carried himself had always been less formal and professional than the Major. More like he owned the country, rather than served it. It was still strange to see him so...human. The war had ended years ago and he had retired comfortably in his young age but still, it was strange to her. 

"I'm sorry," she admitted. "I am not used to speaking with you informally." 

"It's alright," he waved the gesture off. "What's your question?"

"Do…" Violet paused and looked around. There was no one near them and when she looked back to Dietfriend she exhaled her held breath. "Where did you find me?"

His expression slowly melted into a hard and serious look and Violet watched as all of his muscles tensed. Violet prepared herself for an impending scolding but was surprised when he took a deep breath in through his nose and ran his hand up through his long hair. He exhaled slowly through his mouth before he finally spoke. 

"I knew you'd ask one day… I just didn't know when.*

He seemed to shift his weight uncomfortably with his words. Violet would probably have noticed and interpreted his body language if she wasn't so stunned by what he'd said. "So then...you know?"

He was quiet for a long while and the silence made Violet think she might snap if he didn't say anything. "I know where I found you. As for what happened before that, I can't really say."

"Liefheim?" Violet said softly and raised the photo for him to see. Dietfriend left his place at the door frame and walked out to meet her. When he reached her his eyes finally fell from hers to the photo. 

"We found you just outside of town. A little girl wandering around alone and in the distance there was smoke and a fire was glowing from within the town limits."

"So you just...took me?!" She raised her voice. Violet was a little surprised at her own tone but more so that Dietfried hadn't flinched. 

He was silent, his eyes leveled at hers, unblinking and very serious. "That boy in the picture," he nodded down to it. "If I'm not mistaken, that looks an awful lot like your co-worker."

"How...how do you," she began but stopped herself, shutting her eyes tightly. 

"I see him out delivering mail all the time. He doesn't exactly blend in," he sighed as he shoved his hands into his pockets and turned away from her. She heard the stones of his driveway crunch beneath his shoes and she opened her eyes again. She found him staring off into the distance this time though. "Look...Violet," he said as he took in a deep breath. "I'm not going to stand here and explain my actions to you. It's not going to make you feel better about what I did and you know it…"

Violet grit her teeth and balled her fingers into a fist so tight she thought the silver might bend. 

"I  _ will _ say this," he sighed. "What we did to you was wrong…" Violet's muscles went slack all at once and the photo began to uncrumpled in her hand. "I," he corrected himself and cleared his throat. "What  _ I _ did to you was wrong. No one ever came looking for you. No missing children reports were ever filed that matched your identity so instead, I gave you to Gilbert to use. Frankly, I'm glad I did. You may never have turned out alright if I had kept you for myself," he said softly and turned back to Violet. "I'm not a good man...not like he was."

"That's it?" She choked the words out, her throat so tight she could barely breathe. "That's all you have to say?"

"I don't regret taking you if that's what you want to hear," he shrugged. "I may recognize that it was wrong but I don't regret it for a second. They say one man can't win a war but the fact is that without you on the front lines we would have lost a lot more battles than we won. Leiden is safe because you were never afraid to do what you had to-"

"You're wrong!" She shouted at him and this time he did flinch. "I was always afraid!" She balled her fists again and fought to hold back her tears. "Afraid that I would fail and Major Gilbert would die because of me! And he did!" She sobbed. This time Dietfried took a step back and Violet actually thought she registered a hint of fear in his face for the first time ever. "I didn't kill all those people for Leiden!" She yelled hoarsely and began pinching off tears. "I did it to protect the Major and I-I!" Violet felt her knees hit the gravel driveway and she pressed her fists against her thighs as she fell silent and let her tears run. "I just wanted him to be proud of me…"

Dietfried was silent for a long while as he watched Violet cry. Violet didn't know what she expected to accomplish by coming here but then, she didn't really expect to come here at all. "This was a mistake…" she sobbed and pushed herself up to her feet and turned away. "I'm sorry for coming here like this," and she headed back toward the large iron gate. 

"Violet," he said a little sternly and she froze in place. She swore her arm twitched at his tone as if her body were still attuned to hearing her name and snapping to attention. She barely managed not to. "You didn't fail him," he said softly and this time she had to turn around. She found him staring down into the dirt, purposely avoiding looking at her tear-stained face. "You've never failed anyone. We're the ones who failed you," and with that, he turned back toward the mansion and walked away in silence. 

On the way back home, Violet would find her eyes gradually drying as she tried her best to calm down. She did her best to not let herself roam around aimlessly this time and simply try to keep her attention focused on the things around her, rather than the storm raging inside of her mind. 

One problem at a time. At least one of them was done with now. She hadn't planned to end up at the Bougainvillea estate today, nor did she think she had really desired closure on the subject of where she'd come from but it seemed, whether she liked it or not, the matter was indeed closed. 

Dietfried was the only person in the world she could ask about it and he'd said he didn't know. Sure he could have been lying. He could have set the fire and stolen her away but, not that Violet was a professional, she didn't think he'd been lying to her. Still, snatching her up was still wrong, but she could at least let herself believe he hadn't murdered her and Benedict's parents. 

That matter was closed as well. It was all but undeniable that they really were siblings because of the situation Dietfried had described. She'd been found alone on the outskirts of town during the fire. Like she'd left the house before the fire was set or that someone had stolen her away but lost track of her somehow. And that's where the trail ended. Without answers. No sense worrying about it beyond that when she had so many other problems to sort out. 

What was she going to do about Trevor?

What  _ could  _ she do for Trevor? 

She wouldn't have to wait very long for the answer it turned out. When she reached the top of the hill to the Postal Company she spotted his black bike parked out front of the building beside the rest of the delivery bikes. An idea began to form in her mind and it was nearly complete by the time she made it to the large double doors. She yanked one open and there, leaning against the reception desk she found him. She broke into a slow jog and lifted the sides of her dress. 

He turned when he heard her heels clacking loudly in the bustling room and she came to a stop, red in the face with her eyes still a little red from crying and she could see the worry grow in his face in only an instant. He reached out and caught her hands with his own and bolted upright. 

"Violet are you alright?" He asked as he looked behind her from whence she'd come, only to find no one chasing her. 

She was breathing heavily but managed a quick, "I'm fine," before drawing in a deep breath and looking up to him. "Would you consider coming to work as a postman for the CH Company?" The words shot out of her mouth and the receptionists gave her a strange look. Trevor did as well though his was different. The woman's look said 'since when are you the hiring manager,' but Trevor's was a lot more complicated. 

"Vie, have you been crying?" He asked softly and she felt his fingers brush over her right cheek. 

"I...it's nothing," she shook her head in a tight rotation and tried to steer him back toward her question. "The pay is fair and you already have your own bike. I'm sure President Hodgins would gladly-"

"What would I gladly?" She heard from behind her and Violet spun on her heels. She found Hodgins walking up toward them and the front desk as if he were just returning to work. 

"Sir," Violet straightened her back and sucked in a deep breath. "I was just...I," she began as she began to realize that people all around the room were looking at her. From up on the railing of the second floor, to the receptionists and postal workers on their way out of the building after a long day. All their eyes were fixed squarely on Violet. Violet let out her held breath and shut her eyes tight. She needed to breathe. This wasn't the time to let her emotions take over again. She didn't need every single person she worked with knowing that she was having stress attacks. 

She drew in another breath and opened her eyes. "I'm sorry for barging back in like that," she said softly and hoped that Trevor wouldn't be able to hear the strain in her voice. "I was...wondering if I could...ask for your help sir," she explained as vaguely as she could. The last thing she needed was the status of Trevor and his father's relationship being gossipped about in her workplace. 

"Sure," Hodgins shrugged in confusion before straightening up. "I need to see you in my office anyway. You've got a...rather unusual request."

"Unusual?" She tilted her head. "In what way?"

"Come on up and I'll tell you," he nodded up toward the rafters and started toward the stairs. The rest of the building began to move around her as people began to file out. She turned back and found Trevor leaning back against the desk with his hands folded over his chest, angling a far more stern look at Violet than she had expected. 

"I...I need to go," Violet said softly before stepping toward him. He looked so closed off and it made her squirm. She didn't know what to do. She needed to talk to him but wasn't her job supposed to come first? 

She watched him suck in a deep breath and tilt his head up toward the curling and exhale it. "I'll be here," he said as he returned his eyes to hers and shoved his hands down into his pockets. 

"I'm...I'm sorry if I...said something wrong," she said and thought she actually felt her lip tremble. 

"You...didn't. It's not...it's fine. Go have your meeting," he nodded toward the stairs. 

"Okay," Violet breathed and nodded up to him. She followed Hodgins up to his office and shut the door behind her. When she turned back she found him sitting at his desk with a letter. "What is the unusual request?"

Hodgins sighed heavily and opened the letter back up. "The York family of Drossel has requested you as a tutor for a student at an all-girls school. Isabella York is her name," he said and Violet cocked her head to one side. 

"A...tutor? Like a teacher?" She asked, confusion spreading over he features. 

"Right."

"Sir I...I am an Auto Memories Doll, not a teacher."

"I know Violet. I wouldn't have brought this to your attention at all, normally a request like this would be passed on immediately."

"Then, something makes this job abnormal?" 

"You specifically were recommended to the York family by the Drossel royal family."

"Miss Charlotte? Why would she recommend me for such a job?" 

"Honestly Violet I'm not sure but the fact is that it would look very bad for our company if you refused," he shrugged. "It is up to you in the end which jobs you agree to. Though to be fair you might make a good teacher. You never know. You're well beyond your years in terms of etiquette and formal behavior, which is most of what this Isabella needs to learn. Not to mention that you do learn quite quickly. It could work out very well."

"How would I tutor this person though? If the school is in Drossel then I would need to travel there. How long is the job?"

"Three months," Hodgins said carefully and watched Violet's eyes go wide. 

"Three months?" Violet nearly gasped. The longest job she'd ever taken had only been a few weeks long at most. Between helping Mr. Webster finish his last book, helping Leon copy down ancient texts, and helping Miss Fliech write the finale for her play, Violet doubted that all three of those jobs totaled up to even two months. What was she going to tell Trevor? How could she leave the city for that long knowing that he was in danger? 

"I know it's a lot but like I said...we're in a bit of a bind here. It's hard to turn down a royal request without causing problems."

"When would I need to leave?"

"As soon as possible. Tomorrow morning if you can manage it."

Violet nodded as confidently as she could muster and pressed her lips into a tight line. "Yes sir."

"Now, what were you wanting to talk to me about in the lobby?"

"Oh," Violet jumped. "I. I was wondering sir if...if we needed another postman?" 

Hodgins was quiet for a moment as he studied her before he blinked. "For Trevor you mean?"

Violet just nodded nervously. 

"Well, he comes from a much higher paying position than that. He does already have his own bike though which would be a plus for our numbers."

"Do machinists make a lot of money?" Violet wondered aloud. 

"Oh yes Violet," he confirmed. "It would be a significant downgrade from what he makes now. Sure I could offer him a little more than the starting pay since he comes with his own transportation. But in the end, it's up to him to determine if it's a livable wage for his lifestyle. That's something he would need to decide."

"So then...you're saying you would offer him the job?"

Hodgins smiled. "If you think that that is the best way to get him away from his father then yes Violet, I would."

The edges of her lips pulled up into an almost too tight smile. "Thank you, sir!" She said as she turned for the door and before he could say anything more she was out in the hallway rushing back toward the lobby. 

She found Trevor right where she'd left him and this time she wasn't out of breath but instead, not sure what to say first. "So what was the meeting about?" 

"A commission. A very unusual request by the kingdom of Drossel."

Trevor blinked in surprise. "Wow, that sounds like pretty serious stuff. What about?" 

"They have recommended me to another high society family to tutor their daughter at an all-girls academy in Drossel."

"Really? Do you do that kind of thing?" He asked skeptically. 

"No," she admitted easily. "However I am not in a position to be denying a royal request like this. I'm not sure if I'll be any good at it but...I need to try."

"How long will you be gone?" He asked and it was Violet's turn to blink in surprise. "What?" He asked. "Is that a weird question?" 

"No, I...I didn't think you'd be so accepting of the idea. Drossel is not close. I'll be gone for three months and we likely will not see each other."

"Well yeah that sucks don't get me wrong but like…" he paused to breathe. "If you gotta go, you gotta go, ya know?" He shrugged. "Your job comes first I would think. Id never want you to turn down an important job just to keep me company," he smirked and Violet felt a wave of relief wash through her. She hadn't seen him smile like that in a while. 

"You...you really are too kind," she smiled back and pushed herself into his grasp, threading her arms under his and around his back. She pressed her cheek into his ribs as he pulled her tight to him. "Oh and...I'm sorry for blurting out that question earlier I...I was emotional."

"It's fine Violet. Being emotional isn't a bad thing. Did you mean what you asked though?"

"I just asked President Hodgins. He said if you would be okay with a pay cut he would gladly hire you. That it's up to you," she explained before she pulled back. She studied him as his face scrunched up like he was doing math in his head. 

"I'd have to think about it. Maybe take some time to save up some money first."

"Well...we could always wait until I get back?" Violet suggested cautiously. She didn't want to wait that long of course. Nothing about this was convenient for either of them. She wanted him free from his father's control as soon as possible but there really didn't seem like a better option right now. 

"I think that would be a good idea," he sighed softly and he slipped his hand into hers. "Thanks for trying to look out for me...it's uh...bit of a new feeling," he chuckled. 

Violet couldn't help the smile that spread over her face and she stretched up into the tips of her boots and counted herself lucky he was still leaning against the desk or else he'd have been too tall. She pressed her lips to his cheek for a moment before her heels hit the wooden floorboards again. 

"Always."


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I missed last weeks upload, my will to write has been waning a little bit and I might need a slight break soon.

Chapter Eighteen

Maybe getting away from it all hadn't been such a bad idea after all. 

Her heart had stopped racing just a few hours after arriving. Sure, her new roommate wasn't exactly nice at first, but being so many miles away from your problems did seem to have its benefits. Her mind was occupied with what she had in front of her and her dreams had been significantly less prominent since she'd arrived. Her mind had been so occupied with tutoring and getting to know the girl she now regularly shared a bed with that her mind was often far too tired to dream. 

When she did dream of Trevor though, they were the occasional worry-filled twitches and jolts in her sleep. One time she'd shot up so suddenly from a deep sleep that Amy had gasped in surprise and started one of her coughing fits. 

She'd felt terrible about it and done her best to convince her that she'd just had a strange dream but Violet wasn't so sure that she'd been very convincing in that particular moment. Most of the students here thought she was some sort of knight or princess and the way they talked about her, anyone would think that Violet was still her old self. Still a soldier through and through. 

Violet knew better than to let herself think that she was getting better though. She knew that this was all just a distraction. Only Violet could think of a job such as this one as a vacation. She wasn't allowed to leave the campus and the only person she could ever talk to was Amy. She liked the girl, very much in fact, but most people would call this place a prison, Amy included. 

To Violet though, this place was exactly what she needed. A way to look back at her problems from the outside. A place to ease her mind and her heart and if she needed a distraction, there was always one laying around. A new book, something to teach her roommate, or just talk to her casually. 

Violet had thought that she and Iris had become very close friends over the last few years, but it felt like a joke compared to how close she'd grown to Amy. She never knew two people could be as close as the two of them had very quickly become once Amy had let her guard drop. 

That was probably the only thing eating at her now. The fact that Amy had opened up so easily to her after just a week of Violet being at the school. She'd told her everything. Every single thing about herself that could possibly matter. Violet wasn't sure if she felt sorry for Any or not. She didn't know if her situation was a bad one or a good one. On the surface, it seemed incredible. That she could be so lucky as to be plucked from her life as a homeless girl to being married off into a royal family. Everything she could ever have wanted would be hers if she could just graduate with flying colors from this academy. Everything except a life with her 'sister.' 

Taylor, she'd called her. The stories of the little orange-haired girl had warmed Violet's heart and she knew Any missed her. She was actually proud to find out that Amy had chosen to accept the offer willingly. She'd done it to give the little girl she'd adopted a better life, not for herself. 

It had to be hard to leave her. Violet didn't quite understand why they weren't allowed to see each other but Amy seemed adamant that they may never meet again because of her decision. 

She hadn't seemed to hide anything. Violet though, had kept almost everything about herself a secret. 

Well, only the important things anyway. 

She'd told Amy that she was a child soldier, that she worked as an Auto Memories Doll and that she had someone she cared about that she could no longer see. 

That was it. 

She hadn't mentioned her stress attacks, hadn't mentioned her friends or her adoptive family. She hadn't even mentioned Trevor. Amy had asked her if there was someone she'd miss during her three months at the school and Violet had immediately thought to mention Major Gilbert, rather than the man she was actually romantically entangled with. She didn't want an excuse for Amy to pry into her problems. This girl had plenty of her own issues to deal with and she didn't need Violet's added onto them. 

That hadn't stopped her from asking questions of course but Violet had done her very best to keep the answers as vague or harmless as possible. She wasn't sure if she could keep up the distractions much longer though and that afternoon when the girls returned to Amy' dorm, her fears were realized. 

Trevor hadn't written her in the time that she'd been away until now. There was a letter waiting for them on the floor, as if it were slipped under Amy's door, and Violet could tell who the hand-writing on the envelope belonged to straight away. 

Amy couldn't help herself from asking questions enough as it was and now she had been given a pretty good reason to ask them again. 

"Who's that from?" She asked and peeked over Violet's shoulder. 

The purple-haired girl moved around Violet and dropped her book bag on her table by the window before moving to her nightstand. She pulled a fresh set of clothes from within and began to strip off her uniform. It had been a long day in class and the less time she had to spend dressed up the better.

Violet was too enamored with her letter to notice Any changing right beside her anyway. 

"It's…" Violet started and began to feel her face flush. She hadn't blushed in weeks. This little world she was in was the perfect distraction from her feelings but apparently, they were still there after all. 

She flipped the letter over and slipped her thumb between the folds and broke the seal. 

"Frooommmm work?" Amy hissed when Violet failed to answer but when she finally looked back at Violet's face she found her blushing. That was odd for Violet. Amy hadn't ever seen Violet's face so red or expressive. "Or not," she cocked her head to one side and walked back around Violet to peer at the page. 

"It's from my…" Violet started again but she trailed off as her eyes began to flick over the words. 

"Trevor?" Amy asked bodily as she read the name at the bottom. "Truly yours huh?" Amy let a sky smirk run over her lips. "Secret admirer? Secret," she asked as she pressed her fingers into Violet's back and Violet jumped, "boyfriend?" She grinned. 

All Violet could do was nod her head and she heard Any take a step back from her. 

"Wait really? I was just kidding around. You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend," Amy gasped a little. It wasn't that shocking to her, not really anyway. If you were one of the girls at this school your first and only impression of Violet Evergarden was that she was perfect. A princess knight who would perform any duty happily and without a fuss. 

Amy knew a little better than all that but still, the idea that a woman of Violet's pedigree would be single was a pretty wild thought. 

"I'm sorry I...I didn't mean to hide it from you I just…." She tried to explain but couldn't rip her eyes away from the page. Trying to concentrate on talking and reading at the same time was not easy. Violet crossed the room and sat down by the window and set the letter down in front of her on the table. She could explain herself first. "This job has been a welcome distraction from life back home."

"Well...wait are you two like...not doing well together? Is he mean to you or something?" Amy asked and watched Violet shake her head as she came to sit next to the blonde. 

"No we just...both have a lot going on," Violet tried to keep her words vague. She didn't need Amy worrying about her. She needed to focus on her own goals, not get tangled up in Violet's problems. 

"Oh. Is that who you were talking about when you said there was someone you couldn't see right now?"

"Violet wanted to lie, but against her better judgment and against her own will, she shook her head slowly. Her eyes were glued to the floor and she felt a wave of, what she thought was probably embarrassment wash through her. 

"Wait...then who was that?" Amy gasped and slapped her hands over her mouth. "Are you in love with two different people?" She asked in a quick hush.

There it was. The question that ate away at her at night. Every time she shut her eyes those words echoed in her own mind endlessly. On and on they bagged at her heart and the more she let it eat away at her the less sure she was of the answer. 

She loved Major Gilbert. She loved every single thing about him even though she knew he was gone. She didn’t think she’d ever stop. One day it had finally hit her like a runaway train and the feelings had imprinted on her heart forever. 

But did she love Trevor? 

She was attracted to Trevor. She knew that much for certain by now. There was quite a lot to like about him and Violet had come to realize that she was very lucky to have met him. He was what she needed. Everything about him was perfect for her except the one glaring problem. 

But was the problem so intense that she couldn’t love him? She shook her head at the foolish question. Of course, it wasn’t. Every time she thought about him her heart ached and her skin longed for his touch. Even her lips hurt. 

“I believe I am...yes,” she admitted and Amy gasped at her silently. “That is...wrong of me...right?”

“Well, I don’t know about that. Are you cheating on one of them? Are you in an affair?” 

Violet shook her head. “I am dating Trevor and I do not see...the other man. We cannot see each other,” she said and her fingers reflexively touched to her broach. 

“The one who...gave you that you mean?” Any inferred, having seen Violet make that same statement and action before. 

“Yes.”

“Why can’t you see him, Violet? Is he royalty?”

“He...his family is quite important and high up the food chain but...that is not why I cannot be with him anymore.”

Any frowned and then her eyes opened a little wider as two words passed softly through her lips. “Princess Knight…” Violet just looked at her then and found Amy looking her up and down slowly. “Am I really that blind?” Amy asked as she leaned in toward Violet. “You’re her...aren’t you?”

“Her?”

“The soldier maiden of Liedenshaftlik...that’s who you are isn’t it?” She asked and watched Violet drop her attention to the table in front of them. “They say she became an auto memories doll and will go anywhere and do whatever it takes to deliver people's feelings to where they need to go…no matter what…” Amy gawked and Violet drew in a deep breath. 

“They used to call me that in the war...yes.”

“I’ve heard that she…you lost someone…” Violet's head snapped up at the news that something like that had traveled so far as nothing more than a rumor. “That’s who you can’t see right?” Violet just nodded silently. It wasn’t until she felt Amy’s hands touch to her shoulders that Violet realized she was holding her breath. She looked back at Amy finally and found her smiling. “I'm not really sure, to be honest. I’ve...never loved anyone other than my sister before so...I’m sorry I can’t be more help.”

Violet cocked her head to one head slightly, “really?” There it was. Her opportunity to change the focus of this subject. “You have never loved anyone in a romantic way?”

“Not really,” Amy’s cheeks flushed. “No one that I can remember. Our little town wasn’t very full and most of the people around weren’t very nice. I don’t remember much from before I was homeless either so,” she shrugged. “All I can ever remember having was Taylor and even that went by way too fast,” she mumbled. 

“You’ll see her again though, right?” 

“Probably not…not for a long time anyway. “I gave up my freedom by making that deal. I’ll be married into the Drossel family and then I’ll probably not have the ability to go and do as I please. I’ll be a married woman. Royalty even.”

Violet had never considered that possibility before and now the thoughts continued to bubble out of her throat. “Do married women not get to leave the house?”

“What? No Violet,” Amy almost laughed and shook her head. “Well...maybe. I think it depends from couple to couple. There are a lot of stay at home wives that don’t work and simply raise their families but there are also women who want it the other way. Like I imagine you would.”

“I am not...very good at relaxing.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Amy rolled her eyes, and Violet's lips cracked into a soft smile. “You can be whatever you want to be Violet...you’re a lot stronger of a person than anyone I’ve ever met. Not that I’ve met a lot of people but...you know what I mean,” she nodded her chin down toward Violet's arms and Violet felt her smile grow. 

“Well I...thank you,” she said softly before returning her attention to her letter. She scanned it quickly and Amy set around the room collecting up what they would need to continue studying. 

‘Dear Violet,

How has your time at the school been treating you? I’m not even really sure that they will let you reply to this but the idea of writing to you makes it feel like you aren’t so far away. The last month hasn’t been so bad. It’s hard for me to talk about my problems as you’ve probably noticed by now but honestly, at this moment in time I have nothing new to keep to myself. Since you’ve been away things at work have gone a little more smoothly than they have been up until now. I don’t know if that’s got to do with my father believing you have left permanently or if he’s simply in a better mood for another reason, but either way, I miss you. Every day I miss you being around. You will be a welcome sight for sore eyes when you return. 

I hope your commission is going well and you’re having a good time. I’ll see you when you get home, 

Yours always, Trevor’

Violet wasn’t sure how the text had made her feel. She was relieved, obviously, that Trevor had come to no further harm so far into her trip. But the thought that his father could be torturing him simply because of his relationship with her wormed its way through her mind. She hadn’t really considered the possibility before now and she was quickly becoming consumed with the thought that all his pain could be her fault. Part of her knew it wasn’t true of course. Trevor had told her that his father had been hurting him far longer than Violet had known him. 

It wasn't because of her at first but...maybe it had become so over the past several months of the pair dating. Maybe the thought of his son finally resigning himself to focus on work and nothing else was enough for Trevor to get a little reprieve but...it would start again. Violet knew it would. As soon as she walked back into town and his father realized she had just been on an abnormally long job he’d be right back to it. 

She just hoped that by the time she got home she’d have some better ideas about how to fix it all. 

  
  


At least she’d given him an out. A way to get away from his abusive family and into a new job. A way for him to escape and still keep making money. And if they worked together then she could see him even more ofte-. Violet shook her head. That wasn’t the point of all of this. She hasn’t done this for her own personal gain...had she? 

The thought hadn’t occurred to her at all so far. The idea that she may have subconsciously asked Trevor to change work just so she could be closer to him each day was a bit of a worrying one. Of course, she wanted to be closer to him all the time but… she shouldn’t be trying to change his life just to suit her fancy. It should be solely for his own health, not hers. 

What if it was to help both of them? Maybe with Trevor around and the ability to keep an eye on him, her own stress levels would decrease. If she didn’t have to worry about him getting abused for his work performance or for simply existing, she could calm her nerves. Not to mention that whenever she was with him her stress levels were practically zero. All the subtle ways that he showed her affection calmed her right down every time. 

Not that they could be intimate during work hours of course but still just having him around for their lunch breaks would brighten the room. He could become closer friends with her co-workers and build up a more solid community of people who cared about him. 

He could be safe and happy. 

And in the end, whether they end up together or not, that was all that really mattered. 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

“Sorry could...you say that one more time for me?” Iris asked as gently as she could. It was the fifth time in as many letters that she’d spaced out and not heard her commission speaking. She was far too distracted today but so far she hadn’t been able to shake it. She’d been this way for days but today had been especially bad so far. She was nervous and distracted more than she may have ever been. 

Was there enough room? Could they both have time to themselves? Were they ready for that kind of step? What would happen if it didn’t work out? 

What if he stopped liking her once he was spending every night with her? 

What if he didn’t want to move in with her?

She’d been trying to pluck up the courage for days now to ask Benedict if he wanted to share her apartment with her. As cozy as her apartment was, it looked like a penthouse compared to his tiny room. She guessed he must have enough space for himself but every time she was there it felt cramped and like he didn’t have any room to breathe. Maybe he liked it that way, she hadn’t asked, but the fact remained that the closer they became the more she wanted to move in together and that couldn’t be accomplished where he lived right now. 

To be fair though, it could barely be accomplished where she lived either. That little fact wasn’t helping the stress she felt. Was it too soon to be asking him something like that? And what if he did say yes? The last thing she wanted to do was go apartment shopping in the busiest city in the country. Again. 

The first time had been bad enough. She’d looked for days on end, despite the fact that Leiden was an ever-expanding city in its new post-war environment. More people were moving to the capitol every day at the end of the war and competing for one-person apartments had been the most stressful thing Iris had ever had to do. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad with another person with her though. She hoped that that would somehow make it easier but she doubted it. 

When the afternoon bell finally rang she was out of her chair before it finished. The office had been painfully quiet lately. She’d forgotten how much the trio of dolls had conversed casually before Violet had come to work there. Funny how the quietest and most efficient worker was the one that had brought them all closer together and gotten them all out of their shells. Not that Cattleya ever had a shell, but she did always have her nose buried in her work when it was available and with one doll missing from their foursome there was more than enough work to go around. 

Too much, really. The dry spell they had been experiencing before Violet had gone to Drossel had ended about a week after she’d left and now they were up to their ears in requests without their fastest Doll. None of them could come even close to the speed which Violet typed at. Sure, speed wasn’t everything when working with a customer, but when it came to copying addresses for mass letters Violet was unmatched, and the work had to be done. Without the blonde there all three of the remaining dolls struggled to get their more mundane work done in the breathers between having a customer in front of them. 

As she made her way out and onto the balcony that ran around the second floor of the building she spotted Benedict heading in through the double doors. He was coming back more and more disheveled and late every day. His bike had been breaking down a lot more lately. He was lucky he knew how to fix it each time but one of these days that bike was going to quit on him for good and when it did he’d have to walk like a lot of the other postmen. A lot of the company bikes had failed months or even years ago by now but Benedict’s knowledge of the machines had allowed him to keep this one running long after the others. If it had been an expensive and quality bike, to begin with, he’d probably still have it running like it was Brand new, but the bikes had been cheap and nasty, to begin with. 

No amount of love and care was going to keep them running for more than a few years and most of the postmen were already walking their routes. This meant that Benedict was the only one still capable of delivering the heavier packages without using one of their hand carts and that he spent most of each day driving back and forth with a few packages at a time. 

It seemed exhausting. 

Iris couldn’t imagine why he still did the work. Benedict could have a much better job in a mechanics shop if he wanted to. Company loyalty, she figured, was the reason but even still, he needed to have a lot of it if that were the case. Each day he’d come back with oil or grease stains on his shirt or pants and each day he wouldn’t complain. Maybe he really enjoyed the work? She’d never actually asked him if he liked it or not...maybe today was the day?

“Hey,” she smiled as he climbed the stairs toward her. When he looked up at her he found her leaning on the balcony above him and she watched that smile she loved so much spread over his lips. Love. She  _ loved  _ his smile. 

She probably loved  _ him _ .

“Hey.”

“Bike break again?”

“Hmph,” he snorted and looked down at the black stain on his white shirt. “What gave it away?”

“Hah,” she chuckled a little and met him at the top of the steps. She pressed her pointer finger into his chest and smirked. “At least it looks good on you,” she cooed softly and watched his cheeks light up a little as he tried to hide the blush. 

“Glad someone thinks so,” he laughed. “I’ll clock out and I’ll see you in a minute alright?” He said and leaned down, quickly pecking his lips against her cheek. She drew in a deep breath to try and calm her nerves and closed her eyes. 

“Yeah, I’ll be outside,” she nodded and watched him go. Iris made her way down the steps and out in front of the large building with a growing sense of dread welling in her stomach. Was she moving too fast? Would she scare him away like this? 

Iris found her way to a bench beneath the second-floor balcony and sat down. She drew in a long breath and tried her very hardest to think of what Violet would do in this situation. She hadn’t seen her friend in far too long. This job she was on may have had a fixed ending date but Iris swore the longer she waited the longer the wait seemed. Some days it felt as though Violet was never coming back. 

Violet had changed their office dynamic in more ways than one over the last two years of her employment and it was only now that she wasn’t here that it showed the most. The mass workloads were piling up. Simple things like copying addresses took twice as long without Violet around to power through them. 

Erica, Iris, and Cattleya had never been incredible friends before Violet came around either, and with their blonde co-worker gone the office had grown quiet. It wasn’t that they didn’t like each other, they simply had nothing new to talk about without their new colleague around to spark conversation. That was another thing Iris always admired about Violet. Her naivety sparked conversations that otherwise would never take place between the four women. 

Iris missed her awfully. 

Violet wouldn’t be sitting here in a nervous wreck over such a simple question. If it were Violet asking Trevor she would simply blurt the words out and hope for the best...probably. 

Alright maybe that was true of Violet in the past but Iris drew in a deep breath and accepted that that probably wasn’t true anymore. Violet had changed quite a lot in the time she’d been seeing Trevor. She had grown nerves among other things and showed all of them that she was far more capable of displaying emotion than any of them had expected. 

Maybe Violet would struggle with this subject when it came up between the Doll and the Machinist after all. 

“Hey,” she jumped a little at the sudden voice. Benedict took a seat beside her on the bench slowly and when she looked at him she found his blue eyes fixed on the bay. 

“Hey,” she breathed. 

“You alright? You’ve seemed pretty…” Benedict slowed down and tried to pick his words carefully. “Nervous?” 

“I'm not very good at hiding it, am I?” Iris half smiled and felt slight relief when Benedict chuckled and put his arm around her shoulders.

“No, not really,” she studied his smile. She didn’t like to make other people worry about her. That was Violet’s job. Iris sucked in a deep breath through her nose and tried to pluck up courage. 

“Do you want to find a new apartment?”

The words spilled from her lips too quickly and a little too loudly. They tumbled from her mouth and out into the air and she watched Benedict turn his head to face her. They weren’t exactly what she had meant to say but at least it was something. 

“What’s wrong with my apartment?” He smirked and his eyelids drew in tight. 

Damn him. He knew what she meant. It was written all over his stupid pretty face. He knew exactly what she had meant to say and he was still going to make her try to say it again. 

Iris’ words met the choke point in her throat and she began to fumble. Those bright blue eyes could see right through her and the more she looked into them the more trouble she had trying to say what she wanted. “I-I mean, well you, you’re apartment is fine and all and I mean, mine is too I guess but I just, I was just,” she tried time and time again to circle back to the actual question but it wasn’t going to work. 

Iris pulled her lips shut tight and closed her eyes before taking in one more deep breath. She dug her nails into her thighs and bit her lower lip. She could hear his breath now and could tell Benedict was doing his very best to not laugh at her and be patient. 

“Me,” Iris finally said quietly. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up into Benedict’s face and this time, he was giving her a more curious look. 

“You?” He asked. 

“I’m what’s wrong with your apartment,” she affirmed and once more took in a deep breath. “I don’t live in it.” 

Benedict looked surprised. Shocked even, and Iris wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing at this point. Was she the only one of them that had been having thoughts of moving in together? Dammit, she had been moving too fast, hadn’t she? She’d known it. Deep down she knew it was too early to be asking questions like this. 

She wanted to run. She thought she might until she felt him move and grab for her hand. Her vision dropped to their entwining fingers before shooting back up to his brilliant blue hues. 

“You-you wanna move in together?” He asked and Iris detected a slight hint of hope in his tone. 

“I do...yeah,” she nodded shyly. 

“You really like me that much?” Benedict almost laughed and Iris’ face lit up bright red. 

“Is that a problem?”

“No,” this time he did laugh. “No, it’s not a problem at all I’m just...surprised. That’s all,” he said as he scratched the back of his head. 

“So?” She breathed. “What do you think?” 

“I think that sounds-”

“Oh there you are,” the pair nearly jumped off the bench in surprise. In the open doorway to the foyer stood Hodgins. Neither of them had heard him approaching. They’d been far too wrapped up in their conversation to notice the loud footsteps echoing out of the building. “Oh, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” 

“Yeah kinda,” Benedict mumbled reflexively and was quickly met with a gentle slap in the shoulder from Iris. Hodge frowned a little before sighing. 

“We can talk tomorrow if you want,” he began but Iris stood from the bench. 

“No, it’s okay. What do you need, President?” Benedict stood as well and ruffled his hair a little. 

“Yeah what’s up?” 

“If you really don’t mind,” Hodgins shrugged. “I’ve got a slightly unorthodox delivery for you, Benedict.” 

“Oh? How unorthodox are we talking about?” 

“Well, Hodgins produced two letters from within his vest for them to see. “Violet has a request to make of you.” 

The couple perked up at the mention of their colleague and Benedict stepped forward to take the letters from his boss. “Oh?” He mused. 

“This is going to sound a little silly to you Benedict but this is Violet we are talking about,” Hodgins smiled softly. “So keep an open mind okay?” 

Benedict scanned the letters and noticed easily that they were both addressed to the same person at the same address. That was strange enough until he took another look at the address. “These are both…” he paused and squinted before looking up at Claudia. “Why are these both coming from Drossel and going back to Drossel?” 

“Violet had them mailed here so that you could be tasked with delivering them specifically. I know that sounds a little ridiculous but,” Hodge shrugged. “I guess she only trusts you to see them delivered personally.” 

“She sent two letters all the way here just to have them delivered across town from where she wrote them?” Even Iris was confused. What a colossal waste of postage. 

“Like I said it sounds like a waste of time but when Violet wants something you know she won’t stop until she gets it.” 

“Geez,” Benedict sighed. “How am I getting there?” 

“You’re actually gonna deliver them?” Iris asked in mild surprise. 

“Yeah?” Benedict turned to smile at her. “How could I say no?” 

“Our bikes aren’t going to get you out that far. You’ll have to take the train. You can take a bike with you though. They should have an automobile car to store it in for the ride.” 

“Suppose I’ll be leaving tomorrow then? Who’s going to cover my route?” 

“Don’t worry about that, we’ll figure it out,” Hodge smiled and placed a hand on Benedict’s shoulder. “I appreciate how you’re handling this.” 

“Hah, hey I’m gonna need the overtime,” he smirked and Hodge’s face went pale. He hadn’t thought of all the extra pay Benedict would need for the week. He ran his hands through his red hair and swallowed hard. “Gonna need a good deposit on a new apartment, right?” He said with a smile back toward Iris. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree for a moment before a smile spread across her lips and she nodded. 

“Yes well,” Hodgins sighed and tried to cheer himself up. “You’ll be glad to know that you won’t be working the entire time you’re away.” 

“Hm? Why’s that?”

“Once you’ve delivered the letters you’ll be meeting up with Violet at the train station and coming home together.”

“Wait, her assignment is over already?” Iris jumped forward in excitement. Time really had begun to blend together. Sure it had felt like forever since Violet had left but Iris could have sworn it hadn’t already been three months. 

“Yep, a long three months had finally passed,” Hodgins breathed a sigh of relief. “We need her back, that’s for sure.” 

“Alright. Should I even come here in the morning or should I just take one of the bikes home tonight and head right to the station tomorrow?” 

Hodge was reluctant to let Benedict take one of the bikes home with him but for once he had to admit that it would be better that way. “You can drive one home tonight, yeah. It’ll be better that way.” 

Benedict barely held in his excitement. Walking home from work every day was the worst and for the first time in a while, he finally wouldn’t have to, at least for one day. “You got it. I’ll be there.” 

When Hodgens had finally left them and gone back inside, Benedict and Iris had walked over to the row of bikes parked against the front wall of the building. “I’m telling you they aren’t that bad,” he tried again and Iris bit her lower lip. 

He’d been trying to find an excuse to get her onto one of the bikes for ages now but she hadn’t budged an inch on her ‘death trap’ stance. The fact that she seemed to be silently contemplating it for once was surprise enough, nevermind when a small, “maybe” escaped her mouth. 

“Wait,” Benedict blinked and stuck his finger into his ear. “Did I hear that right?” He received a swift punch in the arm for his joke but he silently affirmed to himself that it had been worth it. 

“Don’t make a big deal out of it but...fine,” Iris huffed nervously. “I swear to god if you throw me off of this thing I don’t know what I’m gonna do to you.” 

Benedict pulled the bike from its parking space and turned it toward the road. These bikes weren’t designed for more than one person but there at least was a space for small packages behind the seat. Benedict slid back onto it, figuring it would be nicer of him to take the uncomfortable ride. Well, the  _ more  _ uncomfortable ride anyway, since the seats in these small bikes weren’t all that nice either. 

Iris stepped over the seat and sat down warily between his legs. “Where do I put my feet? She asked as she observed the way his stilettoes were hooked around the pedals. 

“Uhhhhh,” he sighed and looked around her shoulder down at the bike. “There,” he pointed to a small gap on either side of the bike's frame where her own wedged heels could hook against the metal. 

“Is that safe?” She breathed nervously. 

“Yeah,” he shrugged and tried to sound convincing but if he was being honest, he hadn’t worked out the actual logistics of this. He’d never thought he’d get this far. “Perfectly safe.” 

His arms went around her shoulders and Iris tried to make herself as small as she could. The last thing she wanted to be was in the way. “Ready?” Benedict asked. “Need you to balance as best you can while I start this thing, okay?”

“Oh god, I forgot these are pedal starts,” Iris grit her teeth. She shut her eyes tight and tried her best to sit perfectly still and upright as Benedict began to pedal as best he could. One meter, two, and three, and then the bike shook and sputtered beneath them. Iris almost jumped off right then and there, her fingers gripping tightly to the framework of the seat. 

After a few moments though she felt the wind begin to blow against her face and through her silvery hair. As they coasted down the long-hilled driveway of the C&H company she felt her stomach drop and her fingers grabbed for Benedict’s arms. They clamped down tight as she let her crack open just enough to see them coast toward the open gates and out onto the road.

Benedict joined the light traffic of the late afternoon and slowly but surely Iris tried to let herself relax. She found herself looking to either side of the street, watching faces and storefronts flash past in a blur. 

She’d never gone this fast before. Well, other than on the train but that was mostly out in the countryside. Not in the open air of the busy city streets beside other cars and trams.

“So you really want to move in with me?” She heard Benedict shout over the wind. 

“Can we talk about this when we stop?” Iris shivered and Benedict couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Yeah alright. How is it? Not so bad right?” 

“It’s,” Iris shouted to match his tone but drew in a long breath. She took another look around and tried to take everything in before answering. She was already closer to being home than she would have been if she’d gotten on the tram twenty minutes ago. She couldn’t believe it. Benedict seemed to be a pro at this, weaving through traffic like it wasn’t even there. “Yeah,” she finally admitted and felt a shy smile creep over her lips.

“It’s not so bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did the thing =p. I wouldnt expect there to be weekly uploads but I will say I've come back to finish this Fic finally. Thanks much for the support while I've been gone.


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